“Walking in circles just to see how far I go gets redundant for me again. I follow the path burned by all those come and gone by the wind that blows. Won’t you please, won’t you please rescue me? Don’t You leave, don’t You ever leave my side. Send in the doctor please, I believe I have bad news, this man is bloody and his heart is bruised. We can fix him Lord, we can fix his broken heart, but can we prevent him coming apart? Now it seems like the changing shade again, burning embers light the edge around the flames.” ~ The Leo Project
Meanwhile, and despite the turmoil in my life otherwise, I had found my way to a new and different kind of church that was totally different from the Catholic religion I’d been born to and raised in and began exploring this new and intriguing “Christian faith”. I’d started attending Tommy Nelson’s Metro Bible study every Monday night at a Presbyterian church in Plano where I soon began making new, Christian friends and genuinely trying to head in a more positive direction. I truly loved my new “family” and all of the warmth and unconditional acceptance I’d found therein and it wasn’t long before I began feeling not only a stronger bond with Christ, but more so than that, just “stronger” all together.
It was March of 1996 when I finally asked Jesus into my heart and I took every opportunity to attend church functions and Bible studies, which of course put a strain on my relationship with Jay. We were spending less and less time together and he appeared to be somewhat threatened by my healthy new mindset, new friends and all the time I spent with them. Things were getting better with my family as well, and He and I were fast developing a very amicable relationship for Christian’s sake. This too threatened Jay, and again, from my perspective alone Jay appeared to be somewhat jealous of the bonds that were being strengthened and renewed with my family. Remember, when our relationship had begun, I had almost completely severed myself from all of them, which of course made me vulnerable to any outside influences. Jay had all but ridden up on a white horse to rescue me from what he had begun to shine a light on as a toxic, emotionally abusive, unsympathetic family. Don’t get me wrong, though, I loved and truly cared for him, but at the same time was also very confused. I could feel myself being ripped apart at the seams and in too many different directions to quantify, and the fact that he would continually mock my newfound faith and friends wasn’t helping at all.
The greatest irony in all of this was that later that year Jay eventually became involved with a church group of his own and had even begun attending some of Bible studies with me. My friends were becoming his friends and things were looking up! We were talking about marriage; he had shown me the receipt for the ring he had already claimed to have purchased and had even taken my parents to dinner to ask for their blessing.