LATE SUMMER/FALL OF 1998: “Facedown In A Dream” …

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FACE DOWN

“Something has changed in me And I can’t believe ten years have gone by since I’ve felt alive. When I was a child I can remember everything so well. But now that I’ve asked I find, who am I? Watching the sky and praying for rain to come and wash away the tears from my eyes and I’m down on my knees begging You please. Give me life – drown my darkness in smile make it all worth my while so that I can lay my head and rest facedown. Paint me a picture of all things oblivious now. I’ll show you the reasons to hate to hate. Pain by the fistfull in a haze of being alright. Right on cue into my veins. Watching the sky, and I’m praying for rain to come and wash away the tears from my eyes and I’m down on my knees begging you please. Give me life – drown my darkness in smile make it all worth my while so that I can lay my head and rest facedown in misery. Facedown in your memory …” – The Leo Project

The months that followed his death are a blur to me. I soon returned home to my parents’ house, where I spent the majority of my time either locked inside my room or just moping around feeling extremely sorry for myself. I was so angry at God and couldn’t believe He would let this happen! I’d figured that by then He’d have known I’d had enough already and was willing to just let me be.

It wasn’t long before I realized that as a Christian I had to accept this as part of His plan, however much I disagreed with it. It was my son, once again, now six and wise beyond his years for all that he had already been through, who gently reminded me one morning while sitting out front of Mom and Dad’s house setting free some butterflies that we had grown from a kit, that, “Mommy, Mitch is like a butterfly now, right?  He got his wings and flew home?” Onward we marched …

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