JANUARY 25, 2021: “My Mona Lisa” …

This memory popped up on my Facebook today, and it’s actually one of my favorite pictures of her. As per the Nikita Gill quote above, yes, she is “that kind of person”. To know her is to adore her, but not many people do or ever will. She’s her mother’s daughter in this regard, and although it may seem that I’m putting everything about myself into the Cosmos via this Diary, the truth is that likewise will anyone ever really know me. My kids and I have all had to learn the very hard way that where life, love, friendships and even family are concerned, it truly is quality over quantity”.


You can see the little fighter behind her eyes. If only you really knew the trauma and heartache this kid has been through, yet has somehow managed to rise above with the power, grace and courage, of a living queen.

Be the kind of person who isn’t afraid to ask someone if they are okay twice if they say they are, but look like they aren’t. The kind of person who smiles at people even if they don’t smile back. The kind of person you wished for when no one was there for you. Be the kind of person who is brave enough to stand alone in a crowd for what is right. Be that person because we need more people like that in the world. Be that person because people like that are rarer than the rarest diamonds and gold.
{Nikita Gill}

Just as every other beautiful thing in my life, our relationship is a somewhat of an oxymoron. In many ways, we are polar opposites, while others she’s my doppelgänger. She’s one of my only heroes.

I would most likely be dead right now be it not for her. All it took was a singular moment at a Jason’s Deli when she was just over three years old, when I saw her mimicking me as I was pushing food around my plate but not really eating it because I was literally starving myself to DEATH. That was the day everything I’d ever known to be real in my farce of fairy tale life came to a screeching halt as my heart literally shattered in the most powerful and poignant way and forced me to finally start fighting my way out of a darkness I couldn’t even conceptualize and into this “divine punctuation“. It was she who held the most frightening mirror up to my face of all – ME. She is one of my few muses and “whys“.

If it is true, as the father of the Mona Lisa once said, that “wisdom is the daughter of experience”, then surely my daughter is the living embodiment of all the wisdom my own experiences have earned me. Yes, I believe with every single shred of my being that I truly am God’s favorite daughter, but even more so is she His most favorite daughter of all and the water that flows from our cup.

With that, and since music is such an integral part of my mental wealth, there is a song for just about every chapter in this Diary. There are certain songs, however, that have been so powerful to me that they’ve shown up here more than once. “Miracle” is one of them. It says everything that I feel about her in such a powerful way, just as it did my fallen king. The two of them were so much alike and shared so many of the same demons that it really isn’t any wonder that this one is applicable to them both. How lucky am I to have had as many miracles as I’ve had in my treasure trove of earthly gifts? She blesses me beyond words, and truth being told, if I ever decide to grow up, I hope I can be just like her!


Say it once. Tell me twice. Are you certain I’m alright? Just a sign to remind me tomorrow’s worth the fight. Ever changing – the story line that keeps me alive. So, make a wish and say: Give me life. Give me love. Star lit angel from above. Not so low. Not so high. Keep it perfectly disguised. Ever changing – the story line that keeps me alive. My Mona Lisa’s making me smile right before my eyes. Take another look. Take a look around. It’s you and me, it’s here and now. As you sparkle in the sky, I’ll catch you while I can ’cause all we are is all I am. I just want you to see what I’ve always believed … You are the miracle in me. Show me faith like you do. I’m amazed at how you move. Side to side, front to back – you know how to make it last. Ever changing – the story line that keeps us alive. My Mona Lisa’s making me smile. {Shinedown}