JANUARY 25, 2021: “My Mona Lisa” …

This memory popped up on my Facebook today, and truth be told, it is one of my very favorite pictures of her thus far. As quoted by Nikita Gill above, yes, she is “that kind of person”. To know her is to adore her, but here’s the deal folks – not many people GET to “really” know her, nor do I suspect they ever will. She is her mother’s daughter in this regard, and although it may seem that I’m putting everything about myself into the Cosmos via this Diary and other forums, the truth is that likewise will anyone ever really “know me”. Both me and my kids have had to learn the very hard way that where life, love, friendships and even “family” are concerned, it truly is “quality over quantity”. LOOK CLOSELY AT THIS PICTURE! You can actually see the little fighter behind her eyes. If only you really knew the trauma and heartache this kid has been through, yet has somehow managed to rise above with power, grace and courage, you probably wouldn’t believe it.

Be the kind of person who isn’t afraid to ask someone if they are okay twice if they say they are, but look like they aren’t. The kind of person who smiles at people even if they don’t smile back. The kind of person you wished for when no one was there for you. Be the kind of person who is brave enough to stand alone in a crowd for what is right. Be that person because we need more people like that in the world. Be that person because people like that are rarer than the rarest diamonds and gold.

Nikita Gill

Just as every other beautiful thing in my life, our relationship is a bit of an oxymoron. In so many regards we are 100% polar opposites, while at the same time she’s my one true doppelgänger. The bottom line is that she’s one of my only heroes and very few “true friends”. Not to worry, though, because indeed I am her mother first and foremost until she’s an adult .

I am here to tell you that I would most likely be dead right now if it wasn’t for this beautiful girl. All it took was one moment in time with her at a Jason’s Deli when she was just over three years old when I saw her mimicking me as I was pushing food around my plate but not really eating it because I was literally starving myself to DEATH. That was the day that everything I’d ever known to be “real” in my farce of fairy tale life came to a screeching halt as my heart literally shattered in the most powerful and incredulous way and forced me to finally start fighting my way out of a darkness I couldn’t even conceptualize and into this “divinely punctuated” Light. It was HER who held the most frightening mirror up to my face of all – ME.

She is one of my muses and “whys.

In case you haven’t noticed , with music being such an integral part of my mental wealth, there is an individual song for just about every “chapter” in this Diary. However, there are certain songs that have been so incredibly important to me that they’ve showed up more than once. Miracle” is one of them. This song says everything that I feel about her in such a powerful way, just as it did my fallen king. The two of them were so much alike and shared so many of the same demons that it really isn’t any wonder that this one is applicable to them both. How lucky am I to have had as many miracles as I’ve had in my treasure trove of earthly gifts? I am a woman who is blessed beyond words, and truth being told, someday when I grow up, I hope to be JUST like her!


Say it once. Tell me twice. Are you certain I’m alright? Just a sign to remind me tomorrow’s worth the fight. Ever changing – the story line that keeps me alive. So, make a wish and say: Give me life. Give me love. Star lit angel from above. Not so low. Not so high. Keep it perfectly disguised. Ever changing – the story line that keeps me alive. My Mona Lisa’s making me smile right before my eyes. Take another look. Take a look around. It’s you and me, it’s here and now. As you sparkle in the sky, I’ll catch you while I can ’cause all we are is all I am. I just want you to see what I’ve always believed … You are the miracle in me. Show me faith like you do. I’m amazed at how you move. Side to side, front to back – you know how to make it last. Ever changing – the story line that keeps us alive. My Mona Lisa’s making me smile. {Shinedown}