APRIL 21, 2022: “The Weeping” …

Yes, it is true, I’m a 2,000%, certifiably crazy, deaf, dumb, and blind, sold-out believer. Yes, I also listen to heavy metal music and think that crows are messengers from The Cosmos, which Cosmos is the God I believe in, and yes, even though I have a seriously foul mouth, more than my fair share of flaws, and a few too many tattoos, I have indeed read The Bible cover to cover twice, and YES, my favorite verse in it just happens to be the shortest and therefore easiest to memorize.

That being said, not a single day in my life has passed in the 26 years that I’ve personally known and had a relationship with Jesus that I don’t mentally picture Him “weeping”. It’s the one spiritual principal that I’ve grasped on to the very tightest and yes, I actually “hold” that mental picture of Him weeping near to my heart and “feel” the actual idea of Jesus weeping. He weeps for me. He weeps for you. He weeps for all of this jacked up FUCKING bullshit that He’s watching go down as time passes by and the division in humanity becomes its demise, and WOW, look at me, I just cursed again!

I’m not gonna lie, folks, there’s been a lot of dark and toxic “stuff” hanging in the balance over not necessarily my own head, but the heads of my beautiful children. My one and only son is fighting a domestic and internal war against an enemy that is all but devouring him, which “enemy” is one of the very few people he’s loved, trusted, and had unyielding and completely blind faith in all the days of his life. Meanwhile, as his mother, all I can do is just sit back and watch as he is metaphorically dangling over a muddied swamp with just one beast in it. It’s a hopeless, torturous, and abysmal feeling, because unless and until he can find the strength and courage to finally walk away from that beast once and for all there is nothing I can do to help him. So, today, amid the carnage and fallout from a battlefield I am literally helpless on, all I could manage to do is feel like weeping. So, guess what?

I LET MYSELF!

Weeping is one of the things that makes me a human being and not the monster this world full of Satan’s minions wants to turn me into. If you’ve been around this Diary long enough by now, you know that I have a song for every entry, but that some songs have made an appearance more than once:

And by the way, it’s okay to feel sadness and grief for the things that have died inside of you, and it’s certainly okay to cry. Now that I think of it, it’s such a blessing that one of my favorite verses in the Bible also happens to be the shortest: JOHN 11:35: Jesus wept. So, with that, yes … GO AHEAD AND CRY AS OFTEN AS YOU NEED TO! Get mad! Scream loud! Do what you must to let yourself feel everything that’s hurt you so can finally let it go! Then, someday when it’s time for you to sit back and marvel at what you’ve survived, listen to this song again.

{“Reopening A Gift“}

Indeed, I “reopened my gift” of human weeping this day, and now I’m about to hit my knees and thank GOD that He ever gave this precious gift to me in the first place. If weeping was good enough for His Son, then weeping is good enough for me, and I’d be hard-pressed not to forget that there are some people in this world who either can’t or simply won’t allow themselves the utmost privilege and honor of “weeping”. For those people, too, I will pray tonight. Everyone should be so lucky to be able to just let themselves weep when they need to. Goodnight everyone.

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