AUGUST 19, 2022: “All I Know” …

The new album dropped at midnight, its mind blowing, and stuck on this ONE song, though … “All I Know” … because it’s the one that “struck me” after the album hit my server at midnight.

Meanwhile, while we were on a live fan chat with him last night, Ivan was telling us that the whistling we hear at the intro just “came to him” while night while he was up in his cabin in Wyoming. He said he’d been laying in bed and he heard whistling outside of his window so he just woke up and started to write.

The fucked up thing is that Zack used to whistle and hum all the time, to the point that it was actually “cute/funny/ANNOYING” and Gia and I would always laugh at him for it.

I’m sure it’s all just a coincidence, but just before I heard Ivan talking about that at 3am, I’d already been fixated on that ONE song and had been listening to it over and over. It was the creepiest, most ethereal, and magical kind of alchemy that only “The GREATEST Alchemist” and “The Great Alchemist” could have performed! “From Zack’s soul, to God’s ears, to Ivan’s mouth” then POOF! “A seemingly magical process of transformation” through the creation of the hauntingly beautiful whistle at the beginning of a song that echoed to me just like the many other voices who I believe are all desperately trying to send me their messages:

Somehow, the haunting intro to this song with its echoes of what seem like my ancestors calling to me, channeled me back to either the wild, wild west or some ancient arena in Spain where kill or be killed was the fucking assignment, much like it is today during “times like these” when we’re all just fighting not only to survive, but fighting for the will to survive.

{“Times Like These“}

Have I ever told any of you that I’m the luckiest human woman alive? Have I told you that I’m God’s actual favorite daughter? Have I told you how thankful I am to be sitting in all these truths and realities that are truly “all I know”, many of which I don’t even really understand, AND THAT’S OKAY? Well, if not, I’m telling you right now. Yes, I am. I am God’s favorite daughter and His divine apostrophe!


I don’t think that I’m crazy. Yeah, but how would I know, when the voices remind me that it’s all just for show. Well, I thought I had answers, but the questions have changed. It’s so hard to feel anything when I’ve only known pain. Pain. You can cast me out and dig my hole. Spit on my grave. Curse my soul. You can hold me down and not let go, but the devil you fear is all I know. And the road that’s less traveled, well, it’s all that I’ve known. Every time I look backwards, there’s still so far to go. If I’m born to be broken … cold, bloody, and numb … tell me, why am I running? What am I running from? From? As I sit here in silence, all alone in myself … who the hell would believe me? Better yet, who would I tell? I can’t tell. {Five Finger Death Punch}

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