Some say forgiveness is for us and us alone, and I agree whole-heartedly, with the exception of this one little caveat as far as the full extent of grace I am capable of extending to the TRULY evil “Devil’s Own” that walk amongst us. Yes, I have forgiven my husband’s “mother“, and his “brothers and sisters“, and even that pit viper “nurse” who in her 100% stable, not mentally ill mind, set out to decimate not only my life, but my children’s.
I made the mistake of sharing some things I’d been through in my life with her, including my battle with mental illness. Trust me when I tell you, she knew exactly what she was doing, and exactly why her threats would work. In PURE EVIL style, she used my once paralyzing fear of “what people would think of me” as the power and control in her “I’M GONNA TELL EVERYONE YOU’RE NUTS” game of chicken.
You see, at that point Zack and I were just barely getting on our feet. So, the constant “see you in court” threats, Zack and I were foolishly convinced that with my extensive mental health history and lack of financial resources to fight them, if they did take me to court, not only would we most certainly be “bled dry” (as my ex-husband used to famously say), but we’d risk losing Gia in the process.
Knowing what I know now, and after everything was said and done, a court battle probably would have turned out in our favor. Was I a perfect mom? NOPE! Was I battling a mental illness? YUP! But was a “danger to society and other people’s children like she called all the moms to tell them? NOPE! Not so much! Meanwhile, I’m here to tell you, it takes a SPECIAL kind of “evil” to just wake up one morning and say, “Let me destroy her for sport because she GAVE me all her cards AND I CAN!”
Perhaps the worst part of what she did was how she even managed to turn Gia’s own father against her in the middle of one of her darkest storms. She had him convinced that, NOPE, Gia wasn’t really “being bullied, shunned and ostracized at school”, but that she too was just making things up as she went along. As a result, her dad believed that she, “like me”, was a lying, manipulating, “story-teller” who was simply jealous of his new girlfriend and her daughter. He refused to protect her! He refused to believe her! He refused to validate the sobering truths and realities about what was happening to her at that school, which to this day is a deep source of trauma to my daughter. She has “forgiven” her dad for the many ways he chose to stand in the corner of that “thing” and her daughter instead of hers, but trust me, she has never forgotten, nor will she.
This is what PURE EVIL looks like:
It depends on where you are in your journey, whether or not you’ve fortified your mental wealth, and to whom you’re disclosing your illness. After my clinical diagnoses and still in the early stage of my process, I made the grave mistake of sharing it with my ex’s girlfriend. Not only was she a nursing student at the time, but she claimed to have had a background in clinical psychology, as well, so, I really thought I could trust her. “First do no harm”, right? Well, just as sure as you’ve heard it said that “the devil will often appear disguised as everything you’ve ever wanted or needed”, she befriended me from out of the blue at a time when I was both mentally and physically down and in need of a friend. On the surface, she was kind and thoughtful, quickly availed herself to my process, and was eager to lend an ear and “support”. What I didn’t realize, however, is that what she was REALLY doing was collecting information to use against me at a later time, which, in fact, SHE DID!
Quite early in their relationship (which, for the record, I set up), things began spiraling between her and my ex. My kids couldn’t stand her (and STILL can’t to this day), as it was beginning to appear that there were ulterior motives behind her intentions. Within two weeks of dating, she all but moved her things into their home, and her vapid “indiscretions” within earshot of my son and his girlfriend (who were living at my ex’s at the time) didn’t help her case at all. Lol! “That” was five years ago, but her “loudly moaning and screaming” as they would say, and the headboard banging against the wall are STILL fodder at many of our family dinners. Long, sordid, and disgusting story short: Once things stopped going the way she’d hoped, she used the weaknesses and vulnerabilities I’d shared with her to bludgeon me. She began threatening to tell everyone at our very small private school about my “institutionalized nervous breakdown”, and that I was a “Girl Interrupted borderline”. She’d convinced herself that I was the one responsible for turning my kids against her, as well as many of the moms at our school, and assured me in no uncertain terms that “if I didn’t stop causing her problems”, SHE WAS GONNA TELL! She’d even threatened to contact the Texas Real Estate Commission and my brokerage and attempt to have my real estate license stripped from me.
Fast forward to that day on the school playground where a group of fourth grade girls (who this hooker’s daughter incited to shun and socially ostracize my daughter) surrounded my already fragile baby girl in a circle and asked her: “Is it true that your mom is a sociopath, was in a mental hospital, and dangerous to be around?” Yes, this is a verifiable reality! That pretty little pit viper and PIG had, indeed, called all the moms and spilled my beans. For the record, that day on the playground was the catalyst for my daughter’s suicidality, which in an extreme turn was one of the lynch pins in my husband’s ACTUAL suicide.
So, with that, I say to you this: Be careful who you share your illness with unless and until you are prepared for the potential backlash. Find a support system you can “trust with your life”! YOU NEED TO HAVE “SAFE PEOPLE” YOU CAN LEAN ON! You CANNOT and SHOULD NOT make your mental health recovery journey alone, but remember that there ARE people out there who prey on other people’s weaknesses in order to make themselves “God”. I call them “the Devil’s Own”!
Thank you all for listening, and for the record: “Hi everyone! It’s me, The REAL Cat Williamson! Yes, I am a recovering Borderline! Yes, I’ve had a nervous breakdown! No, I’m not ashamed of it! Yes, I’m a BADASS! Nope, I don’t care “who knows”! It took me a very long time, a lot of hard work, and a handful of unconditionally loving “safe people” for me to get here. I will pray for any of YOU who are still searching for the other side of your storm.
{“Should You Disclose Your Mental Illness To Others?“}
“FORGIVENESS”
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
{MATTHEW 6:14}
There will be times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self and of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.
{TIMOTHY 3:1-5}
I really can forgive anyone for just about anything, and as God is my witness, I HAVE! But I’ll just keeping taking people on a case-by-case basis. The Devil’s Own really do walk among us, but I’m not even sure they’re “people”. They’re a different kind of breed “thing” altogether. I’m not quite sure I’ll ever get to the point that I stop avidly praying that God really DOES sort us all out in the end. I’m just a mortal human, not a god or Jesus Christ, so I’ll just keeping asking for “forgiveness” for not being too excited about the idea of “mercy for the merciless”.
{THE REAL CAT WILLIAMSON 3:9:21}
PURE EVIL
Wipe that smile off your face you immaculate disgrace, ’cause Heaven knows a prayer won’t save you now. You wear the halo of a saint to hide the venom of a snake, built your kingdom on a lie, so watch it all come crashing down! Now! You prophet of hate. You profit from faith. Truth-less, two-faced, two bit fuckin’ hypocrite, how does it feel? How does it feel? The day has come to pay for what you’ve done. Sinner revealed. Tell me how does it feel? So pure within your soul. Pure evil if your blackened heart believes in the righteous words you speak. You know Heaven will send hell for you and bring you to your knees … pray as your throne burns slowly. Now how does it feel? {Like A Storm}
The Diary Of My Perfection 
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