JANUARY 17, 2020: “When You Walk With Angels” …


Love is alive – alive like a new born child. Love is a war – broken and running wild. Love is a thief and it’s stealing our hearts tonight. You give it to me. You’ve given me all I need. You’re all I see. You’re all I wanted to be. Can you take me with you where you walk with angels? Where you walk with angels. Love’s around you now. You walk with angels wherever you are. You walk with angels …” ~ Aaron Hendra

Last night I dreamt about Zack for what seemed like hours, one very real scene after anothe we finally got in the car to go to school she said it :: “Mom, Dad was in my dream last night.” I could have died a million deaths in that moment and actually had an adrenalin dump after she said those words! You know, that feeling you get when you hear something that knocks you over? Like you’re gonna faint, you just can’t breathe and the blood rushes out of your fingertips? It was the same exact feeling I’d felt on August 22nd at just before midnight – “that moment I felt him leave us”. The incomprehensible juxtaposition of our two dreams was absolutely earth shattering, and let me tell you why …

SHE HASN’T DREAMT OF HIM SINCE “THAT NIGHT”! Zero has she seen his face or heard his voice. He’s just. Been. GONE. So what are the chances that he would avail himself to BOTH of us on the same night in such a magnanimous way? It was no coincidence. It was him, and it was real.

Although she hasn’t told me what she dreamt about or the specifics of his presence I could see she that was even more at peace and relaxed today than her journey thus far has found her. Whatever the nature of his visit to her may have been it was clearly also very real! Eventually she’ll share it with me. She always does “tell me EVERYTHING!” I’m so beyond thankful for the powerful bond that I share with BOTH my kids in this regard. It will just have to be on her time frame and not a second sooner. It may be months or even years before she finally does, but it doesn’t matter, because she will! All I know at this moment is HE WAS HERE to finally answer my questions and let me know that he is very much still with me and NOT going anywhere.

For the record, not only did I get answers to my questions he also told me: “There’s something coming. Something soon. Something huge. Bigger than you can imagine. SOME “ONE”. You’re going to be okay. I love you Catherine. I always did and always will. I’m sorry I hurt you both … I’m sorry that I left you this way … It wasn’t about you, it was ME … but you’re doing so good and I’m SO proud of you. Just keep doing exactly what you’re doing and believe that everything is going to be okay. Better than okay. I promise.” There were also some very specific things he said about my future, all of which are now written on a piece of paper in my nightstand drawer that I will share with the small handful of people who are closest to me as a solid point of reference and accountability to their validity down the road if and when they do actually avail themselves in the manner in which he said.

So? What do any of you think? Am I just insane? Maybe I am, but hey, it is what it is. I believe in my heart that he’s still walking with me. They all are. My angels will always walk with me and their love is still very much alive. True love NEVER dies … it just “slips away into the next room” …



MARCH 22, 2014: “How A Broken Toe May Have Saved My Life” …

HappensAre you, like me, one of those who believes that EVERY single thing, and I mean EVERY tiny little thing, happens for a reason and purpose much greater than we can even fathom? Just a few hours ago the absolutely unthinkable almost happened to me for second time in my life I might add, and be it not for a few quirky little mishaps that materialized in the last 24 hours from literally out of nowhere and for no “apparent” reason I believe in my heart of hearts I might no longer be here to write this.

So last night I broke my toe simply walking by a piece of furniture in the dark. Snapped that sucker all the way to the left YES I DID and right then and there was the icing on the really horrible cake I’d been choking down this entire week! If you’ve ever broken your toe by the way you know there’s not really much to do about it other than to just “snap it back” in place, tape it to the next one then carry along your merry way. Today however I had not one, but TWO empty new build homes to stage for my husband’s community in Las Colinas so I really couldn’t afford to sit around whining about the throbbing toe.

Those of you who know me well and especially those of you have had the pleasure of watching me in full “staging mode” know that when I am at task I am 90 miles an hour, back and forth, room to room, completely submerged in the project at hand like the silver ball inside a pinball machine! Nothing slows me down until I am finished, and esepcially not a broken toe. Along those same lines, when I’m in “the mode”, I would normally not even stop for a phone call or a text unless of course such was signaled by one of my immediate family member’s or children’s dedicated ringtones. Not until today that is. While at my first staging I heard a non-family member text alert coming from the bottom of one of my many staging bins. Thought about not checking it, because again, I still had half of this house to finish, an entire other house to go, and the clock was just a ticking. For no good reason that I can explain and much to the contrary of how I normally operate and thus would just ignored the text and answered it when I was done working, I stopped to dig the phone out from the bottom of the bin.

I looked at the text and saw that it was from a friend turned client. Nothing really meaty or important, just random banter about how excited she was for the impending closing on their new home. For a split second I did turn to put the phone back inside the bin but then I stopped and looked down at my aching foot which was now turning purple from stepping on it all morning and made the decision to sit at the foot of the stairs that lead to the second floor story of this house, give my foot a rest for a minute and answer the text to my client. Just as I sat down to and began reply to her I heard the front door of the house open but just assumed it was my husband coming from his model home up the street to check in or say hi so I never even looked up from my phone. Once I did, however, I found myself surrounded by three very large men, two of whom were wearing hoodies, and NONE of whom had any business inside a vacant $500K home in Las Colinas, Texas.

I immediately realized what was probably about to happen to me and although I’m not quite sure how I managed to get that text to my husband, because quite frankly I was cold hard adrenelin dumping with panic and nausea and literally about to faint: “PLEASE COME NOW. I think I’m in trouble. Strange men here. 911. NO JOKE!” From there I just tried making small talk with them, two of whom were still standing directly before me as I sat at the foot of the stairs and one of whom was looking through all my staging bins, wandering through the other rooms and looking out each of the windows. Before I knew it the one who had been looking out the windows nodded to one of the others and they all rushed quickly out the door. Evidently he had seen my husband sprinting up the street from his model home!

So what do you think? Random coincidence with the aching foot and goofy text from my client? NOPE I DO NOT THINK SO! I believe that we all have an angel that God has personally assigned to us and that my angel was maneuvering right along side me all afternoon urging me to go against my natural propensity to “not stop, not sit and not get on my phone while I’m working”. I believe that be it not for the fact that I “just so happened” to have dug that phone out of the bin and sat to return that text so that my phone was in my hands with my fingers on the keyboard literally 30 seconds before those men entered that that house that I would most definitely have been brutally assaulted or even dead today. And that is what I believe!

As of this moment my emotions are running rampant and I’m feeling both traumatized and blessed at the same time. So I’m gonna take a hot bath, say some prayers of gratitude and maybe swallow an anxiety pill as well. I’ll also be letting my husband hold me for the rest of the night until I fall safely asleep so that I’ll hopefully move past all this nonsense in the morning. And as for you Mrs. Martin? OMG – LOVE YOU GIRL! Thank you for texting me when I was working. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! You can’t begin to imagine how grateful I am for you at this moment. I think YOUR angel must have been talking to MY angel this morning and you were supposed to call me. I love you extremely mucho!