DECEMBER 31, 2020: “Burn It Down Black Sheep” …

Oh, wait!

I AM “THAT” AUNT OR UNCLE!

Okay, so, I have no nieces or nephews. Nevertheless, it’s true … I’M THAT “ONE”! The game board flipper. The disloyal, disgruntled employee who dared to rip the Venom suit off and burn it all to the ground.

The Black Sheep.

Am I exactly where I want to be? Not even close. This detoxification process has been a bittersweet, painful, and often very lonely journey for my broken heart, mind and soul. In the beginning, it took every ounce of strength and conviction I didn’t have. Correction. I did have it, I just didn’t know it. Let’s just say it was dormant. Sleeping. Laying in wait like, ummmm, a sleeping dragon. But damn, did she wake up?

Holding fast to all these boundaries that now enthrall me never really gets easy, by the way, and if you too are “this person”, you know just what I’m saying. While I am certainly no doctor or mental health professional, what I have garnered in my lifelong, hands-on study of the cyclical nature of “family”, it’s that more so than not, it’s the empath who is usually the black sheep of each bloodline. Likewise do I strongly believe that the sometimes arduous task of being the proverbial game-changer is at least an honor, if not at best a cosmic calling. I recently read an intriguing article in this regard by an actual doctor:

Have you been the black sheep? The weirdo? The one cast out, judged, misunderstood or ridiculed by your family? Maybe, just maybe, instead of them being here to teach you, you are here to teach them. Instead of your family, friends, work place, and society trying to get you to fit into their mold, is it possible you are really here to break the mold altogether? Being an empath is an honor, a pre-ordained sacred role. And it is the way forward. Instead of ambling through life doubting your exquisite brilliance, can you instead stride in full brightness believing…knowing…you are the prototype for the next phase of human evolution? Can you embrace the risk of being different? Can you accept, with humility and confidence, your mission – however small or large – to contribute a higher vibration to the collective?

Michelle Robin, “Empaths Are Here For A Cosmic Purpose “:

COMMISSION ACCEPTED!

I have a crown on my head, a sword in my hand, and crystal clear sights on the future I want for my children. If my work is done well and my legacy lives on the way that I pray, neither my kids’ kids nor their kids’ kids will have to hear the tragic tales of the abuse, manipulation, emotional extortion, and endless human wastelands of mental health corrosion their “Crazy Grandma Cat” finally laid to rest. There’s an age old saying that goes something like this:

If you’re not sure who the black sheep of your family is, it’s probably you.

Author Unknown

I never had to wonder, because in my heart I’ve always known. It was me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

APRIL 17, 2020: “When You Realize WHAT You Have Done” …

TeachThere comes a point in every parent’s life when all of a sudden it just hits them in the face, “WOW, this is how I’m doing.” A few nights ago this little 3am “quarantine conversation” happened with my beautiful, SPARTAN daughter, and indeed I was punched in the face with the reality that something I’m doing is RIGHT, and indeed my “legacy” is an enigma! Every mother’s child has that one special gift, DO NOT GET ME WRONG, but this child’s mother is in awe, and by the way: I MADE HER!

Good, strong leaders … the future “kings and queens” … are not accidents, they’re a CHOICE. A choice to dig our heels into the ground and lead by the best examples, not the least of which is “failure, loss, trauma and hardship are NOT excuses … they’re OPPORTUNITIES to rise up from the fallen ground and NOT become a victim”!

We can’t just tell them what they’re wings are made for then sit back and “hope for the best”. We have to actually show them! And if, like me, as an imperfect parent you somehow manage to break their wings while they’re learning how to fly? ACCOUNT to yourself, AND to them, APOLOGIZE for letting them down, then pick yourself up and try again … TOGETHER!

THIS VIDEO FROM MY YOUTUBE IS LONG, BUT WORTH WATCHING! Here’s to learning why the callouses on our feet can be a useful! And hey, future son-in-law, wherever in the world you are right now – YOU’RE WELCOME! Or, I’m sorry. Whichever is more applicable! 

JANUARY 8, 2020: “The Ashes Of Eden” …

Zachariah Lucas Williamson … The Blarney Castle Gardens

So, it’s Day Three here in Ireland. Upon proceeding with this trip after all, I’d also quickly decided that this would be the perfect place to bring the first of his ashes to spread. Not only because this was supposed to be his trip too, but more so because this is truly somewhere he belongs. Although he never actually lived here, a little more than a year ago he’d finally begun his ancestry tracing and much to his surprise discovered that he was predominantly of European descent. Considering the circumstances of his dismal childhood and not really ever knowing much about who he really was, I thought it was only fitting that he should be “here”.

Christian and I had decided that as we traveled here we would set out to find “the perfect spot. When we stumbled upon this beautiful little brook that runs about the gardens at The Blarney Castle … we just knew “this was the spot”. Since his “blood” never came to take him home, I have decided that they don’t deserve to have him anyway. In the years to come, the kids and I will take all of his ashes they couldn’t be bothered with to the many places his ancestors once called “home”. So, with that, I end with my own adaptation of some of the most befitting lyrics for this moment …

Zachariah,

Despite your many mistakes and all the ways you hurt us, I knew your heart AND your faith in God. I cannot and will not discount the unconditional forgiveness and grace that He showed in that moment He reached for your hand. I know your faith was rewarded when you came to your end, and no final warning did you miss. Yes, He called for you, and He saw your soul within, and yes, Zachariah, you were worthy. He was with you after all, and although the demon that was living in your head prevented you from hearing His voice or feeling His presence, indeed He was with you through it all as the ashes of Eden did fall. The darkness is no longer falling upon you. The air no longer grows thin. No more voices haunting. You have nothing left to fear. There is nothing left but the shining Light from Heaven above Who has taken your hand to His everlasting will.

ASHES OF EDEN

Will the faithful be rewarded when we come to the end? Will I miss the final warning from the lie that I have lived? Is there anybody calling? I can see the soul within, and I am not worthy. I am not worthy of this. Are you with me after all? Why can’t I hear you? Are you with me through it all? Then why can’t I feel you? Stay with me don’t let me go, because there’s nothing left at all. Stay with me don’t let me go until the ashes of Eden fall. Will the darkness fall upon me when the air is growing thin? Will the Light begin to pull me to its everlasting will? I can hear the voices haunting. There is nothing left to fear. And I am still calling. I am still calling to You. Heaven above me, take my hand. Shine until there’s nothing left but You. {Breaking Benjamin}

AUGUST 22, 2019: “The Last Goodbye” …

On this day, at exactly 6:45pm, he hugged me tight and kissed my forehead while I was standing in the bathroom near my make up table. I can still see it. Feel it. Smell it. Taste it. And I can still “hear” the last words he said:

Have fun and be careful. I love you Catherine Williamson.

This is the sobering truth.

DON’T take anyone, or anyone, or any moment for granted.

Please.

One hour from now, you’re entire world could look, taste, feel and “sound” very different.

Everything counts!

Just sayin’.

DECEMBER 10, 2010: “Hello World” …

~ by The Phoenix Collaborative Project ~

HELLO WORLD

Traffic crawls. Cell phone calls. Talk radio screams at me through my tinted window. I see a little girl in a rust red minivan. She’s got chocolate on her face. Got little hands. And she waves at me. Ya, she smiles at me. Well hello world. How you been? Good to see you, my old friend. Sometimes I feel cold as steel. Broken like I’m never gonna heal. I see a light, a little hope, in a little girl. Well hello world. Every day I drive by a little white church. It’s got these little white crosses like angels in the yard. Maybe I should stop on in. Say a prayer. Maybe talk to God like He is there. Oh I know He’s there. Ya, I know He’s there. Well hello world. How you been? Good to see you my old friend. Sometimes I feel as cold as steel and broken like I’m never going to heal. I see a light, a little grace, a little faith for the world. Hello world. Sometimes I forget what living’s for and I hear my life through my front door and I’ll breathe it in. Oh I’m home again. I see my wife, little boy, little girl. Hello world. Hello world. All the empty disappears. I remember why I’m here. Just surrender and believe. I fall down on my knees. Oh hello world. Hello world. Hello world. {Lady Antebellum}