APRIL 2, 2020: “With Silver Bells And Cockle Shells” …


This morning I was “daydreaming” again and making plans for a future I’m really not “planning” as much as I am “visualizing”. It’s this whole thing that Williamson taught me: “If you want it, SEE IT, THEN GO AND MAKE IT HAPPEN!”. Now, I’m sure some of you may be thinking, “Well, then why the hell didn’t he just SEE himself out his darkness?” Unfortunately, mental illness doesn’t always work that way, especially when a human mind ends up literally splitting in two. But I’ve digressed.

Zack and I always talked about “the little cottage in France” I want so badly, and indeed he vowed to make that happen before my time was done. So, he would make me visualize it: “Close your eyes Catherine. Tell me what you see. Tell me EVERYTHING you want at the cottage.” Then I would close my eyes and tell him:

It will look like a fairy tale … small and cozy … surrounded by trees … covered in climbing ivy with a stone chimney up on top … SURROUNDED BY HYDRANGEAS, YELLOW ROSES, SILVER BELLS AND COCKLE SHELLS …

This morning while I was daydreaming? Once again I closed my eyes and “saw it”. My little cottage, that I’m going to have, with the climbing ivy, stone fireplace up top and surrounded by my favorite flowers. Then all was well and my day progressed.

Twenty minutes ago my doorbell rang. “Who in the world …?” When I opened the door my stomach hit the floor in the best possible way with that all too familiar adrenaline dump I’ve come to know so well during the worst and best moments of my life that consumes my soul then drains right out of my fingertips. It was his floristthe only one he EVER patroned … his “partner in crime” when it came to knowing exactly how to make me smile … with THIS arrangement … for me: “Good afternoon Cat. These are from Diane. She just wanted you to know we’re all thinking of you constantly.”


Call it what you will my friends: Coincidence. Happenstance. Fortuity, fluke or chance. Dismiss it as just “a thing” if you will, but nope, not me, EVER! Never will I fail to heed the many signs of life that flourish in the darkness! To me, it’s Serendipity. My husband, my future AND GOD HIMSELF all screaming to me in living color! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I am one blessed and lucky biotch! No, Zachariah, not a single one of your years in this realm were in vain. Every gift you gave me and every dream you dreamt is going to carry on. Because that’s how it’s supposed to be.

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MARCH 22, 2014: “How A Broken Toe May Have Saved My Life” …

HappensAre you, like me, one of those who believes that EVERY single thing, and I mean EVERY tiny little thing, happens for a reason and purpose much greater than we can even fathom? Just a few hours ago the absolutely unthinkable almost happened to me for second time in my life I might add, and be it not for a few quirky little mishaps that materialized in the last 24 hours from literally out of nowhere and for no “apparent” reason I believe in my heart of hearts I might no longer be here to write this.

So last night I broke my toe simply walking by a piece of furniture in the dark. Snapped that sucker all the way to the left YES I DID and right then and there was the icing on the really horrible cake I’d been choking down this entire week! If you’ve ever broken your toe by the way you know there’s not really much to do about it other than to just “snap it back” in place, tape it to the next one then carry along your merry way. Today however I had not one, but TWO empty new build homes to stage for my husband’s community in Las Colinas so I really couldn’t afford to sit around whining about the throbbing toe.

Those of you who know me well and especially those of you have had the pleasure of watching me in full “staging mode” know that when I am at task I am 90 miles an hour, back and forth, room to room, completely submerged in the project at hand like the silver ball inside a pinball machine! Nothing slows me down until I am finished, and esepcially not a broken toe. Along those same lines, when I’m in “the mode”, I would normally not even stop for a phone call or a text unless of course such was signaled by one of my immediate family member’s or children’s dedicated ringtones. Not until today that is. While at my first staging I heard a non-family member text alert coming from the bottom of one of my many staging bins. Thought about not checking it, because again, I still had half of this house to finish, an entire other house to go, and the clock was just a ticking. For no good reason that I can explain and much to the contrary of how I normally operate and thus would just ignored the text and answered it when I was done working, I stopped to dig the phone out from the bottom of the bin.

I looked at the text and saw that it was from a friend turned client. Nothing really meaty or important, just random banter about how excited she was for the impending closing on their new home. For a split second I did turn to put the phone back inside the bin but then I stopped and looked down at my aching foot which was now turning purple from stepping on it all morning and made the decision to sit at the foot of the stairs that lead to the second floor story of this house, give my foot a rest for a minute and answer the text to my client. Just as I sat down to and began reply to her I heard the front door of the house open but just assumed it was my husband coming from his model home up the street to check in or say hi so I never even looked up from my phone. Once I did, however, I found myself surrounded by three very large men, two of whom were wearing hoodies, and NONE of whom had any business inside a vacant $500K home in Las Colinas, Texas.

I immediately realized what was probably about to happen to me and although I’m not quite sure how I managed to get that text to my husband, because quite frankly I was cold hard adrenelin dumping with panic and nausea and literally about to faint: “PLEASE COME NOW. I think I’m in trouble. Strange men here. 911. NO JOKE!” From there I just tried making small talk with them, two of whom were still standing directly before me as I sat at the foot of the stairs and one of whom was looking through all my staging bins, wandering through the other rooms and looking out each of the windows. Before I knew it the one who had been looking out the windows nodded to one of the others and they all rushed quickly out the door. Evidently he had seen my husband sprinting up the street from his model home!

So what do you think? Random coincidence with the aching foot and goofy text from my client? NOPE I DO NOT THINK SO! I believe that we all have an angel that God has personally assigned to us and that my angel was maneuvering right along side me all afternoon urging me to go against my natural propensity to “not stop, not sit and not get on my phone while I’m working”. I believe that be it not for the fact that I “just so happened” to have dug that phone out of the bin and sat to return that text so that my phone was in my hands with my fingers on the keyboard literally 30 seconds before those men entered that that house that I would most definitely have been brutally assaulted or even dead today. And that is what I believe!

As of this moment my emotions are running rampant and I’m feeling both traumatized and blessed at the same time. So I’m gonna take a hot bath, say some prayers of gratitude and maybe swallow an anxiety pill as well. I’ll also be letting my husband hold me for the rest of the night until I fall safely asleep so that I’ll hopefully move past all this nonsense in the morning. And as for you Mrs. Martin? OMG – LOVE YOU GIRL! Thank you for texting me when I was working. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! You can’t begin to imagine how grateful I am for you at this moment. I think YOUR angel must have been talking to MY angel this morning and you were supposed to call me. I love you extremely mucho!