Look, I dunno who needs to hear this right now, but if you’re that grown ass Ken or Karen of an “adult” who gets easily offended by everything, then, umm, please do enjoy this most EPIC of not really a holiday “holidays” of all:

NATIONAL GET OFFENDED DAY!

Yes, my loves, everything IS about you and the world at large has, indeed, set out to drive you nucking FUTS! It’s a conspiracy, I’m tellin’ ya, and I’m laughing my actual ass off right now thinking about all the people I’ve offended in the years since losing my filter!

It’s imperative for you to know that there so many other raw and obtuse assholes runnin’ around out there JUST like me who actually sleep better at night knowing we’ve made some of you twist and turn in our offensiveness that it’s literally not even funny:

For the record, I 2,000% know that many of my “opinions, truths, thoughts and beliefs” are neither ideal or realistic, and that some of them may just, be, WRONG! But they’re mine, ALL MINE, I earned them, I own them, I REAPED THEM, I SEWED THEM, and I stand by every seemingly acrimonious thing I say. Sorry, NOT sorry … but I do NOT apologize!

(“Drop The Mic“)

A wise man once said to me,

“You are hurt the moment you believe yourself to be.”

That wise man was Epictetus, one of my Stoic fathers and mentors, and YES, he said it JUST to me. Lol. Epictetus was a fucking genius! NO ONE can “hurt or offend you” unless you give them permission:

Close your eyes for a minute and think about something you don’t like. It can be anything from a person, place, or thing, to a fresh hot steamin’ bowl of lima beans (the mere sight of which make me PUKE). Now that you have that “thing” in the forefront of your mind, I want you to LOVE IT! Well? Did you do it? Do you “love it” now? Hmm. Why not? Let’s try this again. I am heretofore demanding that you LOVE that thing you HATE … NOW!

{“Feel What YOU Feel“}

So, then? JUST GROW A PAIR AND GET OVER YOURSELF, ya ‘lil snowflake!

Bye everyone, it’s me, CAT!

Oh, and one last thing. Happy Birthday, Steve Hughes! Cheers to you offending as many people as humanly possibly all the live long days of your life! Your reputation EXCEEDS you!