Zachariah,

It’s been eight of your birthdays I’ve had to celebrate without you. But yes, your impact was bigger than you thought, and yes, it’s still very much felt.

Yes, I still giggle when I think of all those funny things you said. Yes, I still smile when I think of all the compliments you gave me.

Yes, I still quietly admire you and the advice you gave that made a difference for us all. The support and love you showed me continue to shape my days, weeks, and months. They continue to shape my life.

Yes, your input and opinions still make me think twice … if not three times, and then four.

No, you weren’t insignificant, and never shall you be forgotten. Your existence here, no matter how brief, and despite the evil insanity that took you in the end made a positive difference, though you didn’t live to see it.

I’m sorry that THING that birthed then threw you away as well as all your “siblings” bore a hole so deep in your soul that you felt as though you deserved to die in it.

You helped me find this crown I now wear on my head and WILL wear until The Brighter Side Of Grey.

~ Me

About The Real Cat Williamson — Warrior, Motivator, Survivor.

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OCTOBER 4, 2026: “You Have The Right To NOT Remain Silent!” …

October 4, 2026October 13, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

In other words …

“Silence is NOT always golden, because sometimes it can actually kill!”

~ The Real Cat Williamson ~

When we remain silent in the face of evil, cruelty, or wrongdoing, we might as well condone it. Apathy allows injustice, unfairness, and stupidity to run rampant, you see. But even one voice can inspire others to act.

Oh, and BY the way, “silence NOT being golden” is especially true when it comes to children, older adults, people with disabilities, and yes, even animals who can’t speak or act for themselves. That’s precisely why I’m posting this on World Animal Day. What does this message mean to YOU? Comment and let me know, please! I’m genuinely curious.

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SEPTEMBER 30, 2026: “The Truth About Questions” …

September 30, 2026September 26, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Today Canada observes its National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, honoring the children who never returned home from residential schools, the Survivors, and their families and communities. Their stories deserve to be heard on their own terms. Here in the United States, the day has me thinking about the questions we sometimes silence in our own lives. That thought takes me back to an earlier entry:

I have long believed that the truth of just about anything can be found in all the questions you aren’t allowed to ask. A more sobering truth, however, is that often the person who is refusing to allow “the questions” we so desperately need the answers from is the one we face in the mirror. With that being said, I cannot encourage anyone who’s searching for the reasons they’re sinking to the abyss strongly enough to do that most important work of all, which is to sit with yourself in solitude and have what just may be the most important conversation of your life.

(“The Anchor“)

Might I suggest that you “get lost” until you “get found” by following the questions YOU “aren’t allowed to ask” all the way down to the truth? Just sayin’.

– Tyson Liberto –

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SEPTEMBER 27, 2026: “Breaking The Cycle 💔 (Revisited)!” …

September 27, 2026October 6, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Well, it’s Ancestor Appreciation Day again, observed each September 27 … a day to explore your family history, trace your ancestry, and appreciate those who came before you. It’s also an invitation to share their stories. So, with that, let’s consider what “generational trauma” really looks like: how we can carry childhood wounds into adulthood and, if we don’t face them, pass that pain to our children and future generations.

… and “remember” …

Trauma doesn’t always look like “the Big T” catastrophes we tend to picture when we hear the word. Experiences that seem small to others, such as being dismissed, unheard, or unseen, can quietly shape us and leave unprocessed emotional pain. The anger, frustration, and sadness we show over things that seem uneventful to others may be the hurt little kid inside us still trying to feel safe and “seen.” Sometimes those reactions are rooted in experiences we don’t consciously recall. Research has linked trauma with emotional and physical stress reactions; for some people, that can include anxiety, tension, or ongoing health problems. What comes out may be what’s still hurting inside, and that pain can affect our relationships, decisions, and behaviors.

So, Cat? Where do I start the often painful art of letting all these unresolved feelings go?

Well, I’ll tell you! You start by standing in front of a mirror and having the most important conversation of your life with YOU … “What’s underneath all my reactions?” By the way, remember that you’ll HAVE to feel it before you can fix it. Journal or talk to someone safe about what hurt you.

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SEPTEMBER 17, 2026: “The FOUND Realist!” …

September 17, 2026September 24, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

DID YOU KNOW …

… that 21 years ago this week, back in 2005, Trapt released its “Someone In Control” album, which in turn gave birth to one of its most powerful songs, “Lost Realist”. This is its second appearance in this Diary. Meanwhile, I dunno who needs to hear this right now, BUT:

Your independence is calling your name, but a doubtful voice divides your faith.

Your independence only hesitates, an unsure choice you can’t embrace.

You’re gonna have to carve YOURSELF from stone … right to the bone, or you’ll end up alone … playing the role of someone in control.

(“Lost Realist” Lyrics Adapted)

Well? What are you waiting for? Grab yourself a chisel, Michelangelo, and get to carving! The YOU who is waiting for YOU to reveal YOU to the world is waiting for YOU to start playing the part of found realist TODAY! Oh, and by the way?

YOU … ARE … A MASTERPIECE!

Oh, yah, and HAPPY 56TH BIRTHDAY to me, me, me, me, Jean-Claude Van DAMN masterfully, albeit somewhat agonizingly designed and SCULPTED me! I’m widowed, retired, empty-nested, locked, loaded, and finally ready to go back into humanity and let the unsuspecting world and anyone brave enough to stand in the line of the darkest, brightest burning ball of fire I’ve forged MYSELF to be either catch my glow or see themselves in the mirror of my divinely punctuated Light, toils, traumas, and TRUTHS! And by the way? NOTHING divides my faith!

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SEPTEMBER 4, 2026: “The PRIVILEGE Of Holding My Scissors” …

September 4, 2026September 27, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

One year ago today, the masked and anonymous English band PRESIDENT released “Destroy Me,” a banger I fell in love with when they opened for Bad Omens in Dallas on March 19. The song would later appear on PRESIDENT’s debut EP, King Of Terrors.

F. Scott Fitzgerald evidently once said …

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

Perhaps an even lonelier moment in someone’s life, however, is the first time they really “see themselves” standing in the wake of their own self-destruction and realize they handed someone the scissors that cut their life into shreds. By the time they understand what they surrendered, it may be too late to start that story over again and keep those scissors in their own damn hands.

Been there. Done that.

You see, this is one of the best parts of gliding into my golden years with a tarnished but beautiful crown upon my head and a finger in the air as so many people, places, and things watch me walking away. It’s the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.

So don’t go handing your heart or your scissors to someone who hasn’t earned the privilege and honor of holding them. Pressure can make a diamond, but discernment decides who gets close enough to cut it. Just sayin’.

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AUGUST 27, 2026: “All I Know” …

August 27, 2026October 2, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

In case you missed the memo, tonight brings a deep partial lunar eclipse! At full eclipse, roughly 96% of the Moon’s visible surface will be immersed in Earth’s darkest shadow, leaving only a slim bright edge while the rest takes on that eerie copper-red glow. Quite the phenomenon, indeed! Cosmic moments like this can also serve to remind us that just because a human psyche is imprisoned by darkness, it doesn’t have to be a life sentence.

“Light can devour the darkness, but darkness cannot consume the light.”

~ Matshona Dhliwayo ~

If you or someone you know is on the brink of an abyss and fighting not to fall through a black hole in your mind to the murk below, please remember this:

In keeping with Mary Oliver’s inspirational words, sometimes even the heaviest boxes of darkness we’re burdened with can reveal our greatest gifts. Trust me when I say I know this, because not only did I lose my husband to the shadows, I was once lost in them, too. All I know is this too shall pass, and the mere fact that I wholeheartedly believe those four most impeccable words to be true is a gift in and of itself. My greatest wish for anyone reading this right now is that, if you haven’t already found a way to steal the Sun back from the umbra of your mind, you do.

Dolly Parton tribute featured image for The Diary of My Perfection.

Tributes & Remembrance

AUGUST 25, 2026: “We Will Always Love You!” …

August 25, 2026September 27, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Photo from a Dollywood trip included in a tribute to Dolly Parton.

… and then there was that time that me and one of my besties tore up Dollywood after the Death Punch road trip of both our lives! For those of you who’ve never had the privilege and honor of visiting Dollywood – one of THE best places on this Earth, because when you’re there, you can literally FEEL her love and energy in every square inch of that park – I cannot recommend it highly enough!

In the meantime, rest in peace, beautiful young lady! No words can properly credit how you infected so many of our lives with the Light that emanated from your tiny little body! She was “love incarnate“! As for me and mine? I will be damn good and sure that my grandbabies will know exactly who and what you were and why this world needed you the way it did! God speed right over that Bridge to The Brighter Side Of Grey! Yes, we will always love you!

Dollywood memory photo included in a tribute to Dolly Parton.

Dolly Parton tribute artwork linking to Dollywood.

Mental Health & Suicide Awareness

AUGUST 22, 2026: “Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda!” …

August 22, 2026October 19, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

I’d posted a tribute for Chester last month on the anniversary of his suicide, and THIS brilliant biotch showed up:

He was soo loved by a lot of people. But he showed people struggling with depression/other mental health issues that offing yourself is the way to go. He couldn’t just live and get help and go talk to somebody to get the help he needs and then when he’s better tell his story. Tell how hard it was but he overcame it. Yes not everyone has the money like he does but just talking to someone and having someone in your corner may have helped because you did say something. He should have lived to be that person that people that are struggling can look up to because he was there to tell people to never give up and to talk to someone. I don’t listen to linkin park anymore.

That’s right, genius, HE SHOULD HAVE! He should have just LIVED! The FUCK? Meanwhile, perhaps one of the worst things you can possibly say to someone who’s either in the throws of mental illness or surviving the wreckage of loved one’s lost battle with it is “if only they had …”, or, “they should have just …”.

For those of you equally moronic and clueless people running around there keeping the stigma of mental health and suicide alive and UNwell, unfortunately, statistics show that sooner or later this most unpopular of monsters will darken your doorstep. So, lemme know how it works for you afterwards when people start spewing the “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s”. Mmmkay? Mmmkay!

LET’S GET THIS STRAIGHT …

Depression isn’t sadness and can’t always be talked through, much less THOUGHT through! It’s a fucking illness with biological, genetic, environmental, and psychological roots that can take people every day, so, “shoulda, woulda, coulda” FUCK all you literal douche canoes who just don’t get it. There’s far too much information about mental illness and suicide awareness floating around out there for you not to know any better.

It’s August 22nd, by the way, and a few short hours from now, at “just before midnight”, the clock will ring in SEVEN years since my husband literally bit the bullet instead of just sitting down and “talking things through”. I’m okay, by the way – BUT – this kind of human stupidity is just not cool! Just sayin’.

Despondent figure quote poster: “Just because mental illness is invisible doesn’t mean it isn’t real.”

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AUGUST 8, 2026: “The Unknown Soldiers!” …

August 8, 2026October 1, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Twenty years ago today, Breaking Benjamin released this song with the birth of its mother album, “Phobia“. I’ve since pondered the meaning of this literal masterpiece, but finally settled upon it being an interpretation of what it’s like living with a mental illness in the wake of trauma of any kind. In my case, specifically, I’ve likened it to the battlefield of my father’s psychologically abusive warfare and the eggshells our family has been forced to tiptoe around on a daily basis. So, yeah, the scene at this family dinner table pretty much sums up the entirety of my childhood. With that, I would now like to offer up this ‘lil nuggie on behalf of every “unknown soldier” out there like me and my daughter—people who, through no choice of their own, were forced to step into the ring with their own effing parents and lived to tell about it:

Hey! YOU! All you ‘lil wrecking ball “parents” out there with “dinner tables” like this who think their kids AREN’T gonna either:

(a) End up in lifelong therapy;

(b) End up with a rip-roaring mental illness;

(c) End up hating and making cryptic posts like this about you;

(d) End up completely SEVERING you from their lives; or

(e) ALL OF THE ABOVE!

DO BETTER, YA JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMN EFFING JACKWAD! If, however, you either can’t do better or simply refuse to even try because it makes you feel like a much more powerful human being thing than you actually are, then don’t you DARE ever let any of us Unknown Soldiers out here catch you crying yer “Oh, poor me! Nobody loves me … not even my own kids!” effing eyes out! It was never ANY of our responsibilities to become the living bandages to soak up the blood you’ve let from the cuts you never healed from. Capiche? K, bye now!

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JULY 22, 2026: “A Few Good Men!” …

July 23, 2026October 22, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Few are the men I could honestly say are or were truly good men. My paternal Grandfather and his namesake, my cousin Ernie (better known to me and all as “The General“), top the list of the fewer than two handfuls I’ve kept in that category for years:

His father, Ernie, was one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known. He was loving and kind, caring and thoughtful, and all about his family. The man was a saint by even the harshest standards, and I’d be hard-pressed to find a single shortcoming in his character. In the 18 years I knew him, I never once heard him raise his voice or a fist, and never once heard him speak an unkind word about another. Which is not to say that he never ever said them; it’s just that if he did, he never let his impressionable grandchildren see it. To this day I smile when I remember the “worst word” I ever heard him say: “Garl darnit!” This was his version of profanity, and it took a fair amount of anger or frustration to get him there. My Grandpa was the polar opposite of any man I’d ever known until the day I met my late husband, but I’ll get to that much later. Suffice it to say, my beautiful Grandpa was and remains one of the brightest stars that has led my pathway from the sky. His legacy is one of love and kindness, and the memories he left are unsoiled in my mind. Of course, he was but a mortal man, and with that, it’s certain that like all of us, he’d had his moments, grievances, “grudges,” and maybe even “yelling, screaming and profanity.” As any good man and father should have, however, he was wise enough to shield the younger eyes that were watching and ears that were listening from anything less than impeccable words. Little did I know that he’d set the bar by which I’d judge all men impossibly high, and that it would be years before I understood why.

(“Phoenix Rising“)

Meanwhile … CUE the arrival of my “number Five” kid, the young man who’s captured my daughter’s heart and made it to the very top of my list. For reasons I can’t really say, it became clear to me fairly early in their relationship that he … is … THE ONE FOR HER! [SEE ALSO :: “The Day Of The Lululemon Zippy Jacket” … a story that shall remain between Abd, my daughter, and me.]

And so, with that, I would like to wish my “Number Five” child (in order of appearance in my atmosphere) a very Happy 23rd Birthday today! Abdil-Rhaman, there are no words to express how thankful I am that you showed up for our girl at the precipice of her either “falling backwards” into the abyss of all she’d been prior to “August 31, 2023” or “pushing forward” into every beautiful thing life has in store for not just her, but me as well because of YOU. I love you, kiddo, and so would have my Grandpa! Though you’ve yet to meet The General, when that day comes, I know he’ll love you, too. With that, and in keeping with the tribute my cousin made to my Grandpa years ago, here’s my tribute to you:

A REMARKABLE MAN, MY NUMBER FIVE: As a teenager, he left behind all he knew about life back in Jordan to seek the promise of the USA. He had only his determination, integrity, and a pocket full of dreams to lean on when that plane touched American soil, but that was more than enough upon which to build a future for not just himself, but his family, which thankfully now includes not just my daughter, but all of us! Because of his example, his values and his love, I’ll get to witness my daughter living out a fairy tale that most girls will never truly know! The attached photo is of what I wish could have really happened … that is … his having gotten to hang out with my beloved Grandfather and one of my favorite humans, my cousin Ernie!

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JULY 18, 2026: “When HER Seasons Change!” …

July 18, 2026September 27, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

There are seasons in a mother’s life when loving her daughter means holding on, and there are seasons when it means opening her hands. Gia is standing at the edge of one of hers, and I am learning that my job is not to hand her every answer – or every wound I inherited – but to remind her what belongs to her and what never did.

May she inherit the love, the strength, the humor, the stubborn hope, and every beautiful thing that came before her. But the chains? Those end with me. My daughter gets the crown. She gets the freedom to become. And when HER seasons change, I hope she remembers that becoming is not a betrayal of who she was; it is the fulfillment of who she has always been.

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JULY 14, 2026: “Bee Nice To Bugs!” …

July 14, 2026October 13, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

“Faces” …

Teeny, tiny, ‘lil bug-eyed FACES!

In my humble opinion, macro photography and videography of insects are among THE most important windows into the animal kingdom, and what better day to acknowledge that than on “National Be Nice To Bugs Day“! Not only are they beyond useful in scientific study and identification, but they allow us laypeople to truly connect with—and marvel at—the magnificent little beasts that live above, below, and all around us.

I’ve often said that “if we could just put a face with it, we can overcome it,” because when we can’t “see it” with our naked eyes, we all too often fear, abhor, and misunderstand it—not unlike the other nameless, faceless, and invisible “monsters” in our lives. I once wrote these words in my “Diary” about my former battle with mental illness and my now-lifelong advocacy in the wake of my late husband’s suicide after his heartbreaking war with it:

“It was so much easier to kill the monsters living in my head once I could see all their faces.”

(“Faces”)

… and such is my newfound appreciation and affection for all the creepy, crawly, googly-eyed little creatures that once haunted me as both a child AND an adult. The closer I look, the less monstrous they become—and the more extraordinary. Maybe that’s the lesson hiding in those tiny faces: understanding has a funny way of shrinking fear.

Thank you SO much, Malbafont Macrophotography, for your tireless and tedious work. Yours was the very first work to open my eyes to the pure magic “above and below us” and put my fear of “bugs” to rest!

1768118644.7672172-ee5381d7-723f-4779-ab36-7e57cb8cf1c1

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JULY 6, 2026: “In The Eye Of A LEGACY!”

July 6, 2026September 27, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

I must admit, it took me some time to find the right words to honor this post by the man today. After quite a bit of processing, however, here’s what I’ve come up with …

Of all the words he’s ever said, sung, or written, for me these may be the most powerful yet. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: he’s a tuning fork of cosmic alchemy, being used by The Powers That Be to crack open the hearts of anyone in his atmosphere—whether we’re watching him rip his soul open onstage and spill it onto the floor, or simply listening to the songs that have helped so many of us find the broken pieces of ourselves scattered across our own floors. He’s not just leaving a legacy … he’s helping so many of us find the words, energy, and courage to write our own.

Yah. It’s like THAT! There are no words big enough to describe how deeply I love this man for who he is. Ivan, I’ll be eternally grateful for everything you’ve done for not just me, but for the entirety of your faithful and beloved Death Punch family.

Oh, and one last thing …

To my kids, their kids, and hopefully even their kids one day: PLEASE listen to everything he’s saying here. Then turn those sentiments back toward your own hearts and hear them as my words to all of you. I love you! ~ Momma

Eye of the storm quote about legacy by The Real Cat Williamson.

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JUNE 20, 2026: “(This Is A Post ‘Bout Somebody Else)!” …

June 20, 2026September 28, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

If you know, you KNOW … and by the way, I know you’re stalking this Diary! So, have a nice day all alone on the island you’ve built just for YOU tomorrow, and cheers to me for having a big fat yellow onion on hand at any given time so I can make myself “cry” when this war you created is finally over! Sorry. NOT sorry! Good job, bruh!

🖤

By the way, this same sentiment applies to all you “things with wombs” running around out there who went and sledgehammered those cradles you were supposed to rock and either physically or psychologically FUCKED your babies to their graves. Got it? GOOD!

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all the rest of you!

“The GOLDEN Ticket!”

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JUNE 19, 2026: “Leaving The Castle (AND All The Rest)” …

June 19, 2026September 28, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

🐸 517 days have passed since we vacated The Castle in favor of a much more mentally wealthy place for us to think, breathe, live and exist … free from the memories of the literal Hell you reigned down upon us in your twisted-beyond-belief brokenness, sick as you may have been … until we were finally ready to let it go and hand over the keys to another family, who will hopefully be able to fill it with love, laughter, joy and happiness—and write a much better ending to their own fairytale. In the meantime …

“Now the time’s come to forget the wrong that you’ve done and hold on to the reasons you are truly missed. I don’t resent you, and when I’m feeling empty, I’ll keep you in my memory and leave out all the rest.”

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JUNE 19, 2026: “Empire Of Ashes” …

June 19, 2026September 28, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

… and now, a cryptic word from our sponsor on THIS most illustrious of days … “National GRUDGE Day“, which message, by the way, needs no further dissertation. ENJOY!

🎶

I see your need … your greed … your disease. You’d crush the world just to hold it in your hand. So, take your place in the kingdom you to crave. You’ll destroy it all ’til there’s nothing left to save.

Who’s gonna save a soul that never had a heart? So, you can say your prayers, it won’t redeem your past. Bury the truth ’til the Earth begins to break. You’ll destroy them all ’til there’s no one left to hate.

Tell me now, do you feel the weight of your crown? Of all the lives you take? Was it worth the price they paid to sit alone and watch your throne decay?

I see the world burn in your eyes! Scorch the Earth tonight!Bring the world down to its knees! Smash open the sky! Fire falling down like rain!

Down your kingdom crashes … all alone in your empire of ashes!

Bye everyone, it’s me, CAT!

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JUNE 13, 2026: “The Net Force!” …

June 13, 2026October 14, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Well, folks, June is Men’s Health Month once again. Oh, how I love it and hate it at the same time, especially because on a day like this, all I can think about is the mental warfare that must have been happening in my husband’s fucked-up-beyond-recognition, broken mind in the very last moments before he ended his own life. The conversation he must have been having with both God and the devil who’d taken up residence in his body may very well have sounded something like this:

Tellin’ myself it’s the last time. Can you spare any mercy that you might find if I’m down on my knees again? Deep down, way down, Lord, I try to follow Your Light, but it’s nighttime, Please, don’t leave me in the end. Oh, there’s darkness in the distance … I’m begging for forgiveness. Oh, but I know I might resist it! Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time. You and I drink the poison from the same vine. Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time … hidin’ all of our sins from the daylight. From the daylight … runnin’ from the daylight.

Truth be told, though he was, indeed, the consummate loner whom the good Dr. Peterson spoke of above when I found him, in my heart of hearts I know that I did everything in my power to build him up into the magical Superman he became during our season together, despite his “mommy issues.”

With that, please let me implore you all once again that although a man’s mental-health journey begins long before adulthood, we should protect that journey in our homes, too:

In all honesty, I’ve been on both sides of the “how to treat your man” coin, and admittedly—and ashamedly—have not always offered “king treatment” to the men who were in my halo. Although I always strive to live with no regrets, I’d be lying if I said that I don’t often look back at the many ways I failed as a queen, failed to “build him up,” actively “broke him down,” and was another war he faced when he stepped over the threshold of our home. By the way, in case you didn’t know this already, June is Men’s Health Month—and that absolutely includes men’s mental health. If there is a man in your life, be it a husband, son, brother, or even just a friend, please remember not to forget that “men have feelings, too“.

(“The Crowning”)

If you have a man of any age living in your home today, please remember that, yes, they do have feelings, too. Treat them kindly, give credit when it’s due, and for God’s actual sake, be impeccable with all your words. Whether you want to believe it or not, it’s a pretty tough gig out there for those among us born with a penis. Sorry, NOT sorry to be so frank. Bye everyone, it’s me, Cat.

A silhouetted hand cradles a radiant golden sun beneath amber clouds, symbolizing hope and a fresh start.

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JUNE 6, 2026: “What If You Start Again?” …

June 6, 2026October 15, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Seriously, though. What ARE you gonna do with the fresh new basket of choices that arrived at your doorstep today? Choose wisely, my friend. PROTECT YOUR PEACE! — The Real Cat Williamson. Warrior · Motivator · SURVIVOR;

New Day. New Choices. New Chances. — The Real Cat Williamson. Gold circular medallion on black.

In case you missed the memo, “Red” is one of my bands, and “Start Again” is one of my songs. While it’s easy to hear it as someone’s regret over past mistakes and a heartfelt plea for “just one more chance” to get a relationship back on track, have you met me, folks? Which relationship between two people do I incessantly yap about the most? “Me and ME!”

SO, WHY CAN’T THIS SONG BE ABOUT “YOU AND YOU”?

Outside of our relationship with our higher power – who, for me, goes by the name of God (the Father of Jesus) – the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important one we have. WE should be the ones we fight the hardest for, continually allowing ourselves grace and unconditional forgiveness.

With that, just try to think like a crazy person ( you know, like ME) and imagine yourself standing a mirror and singing these words to that beautiful face staring back at you, who should be the “beloved” you sing love songs to the most:

And I remember everything … everything I loved. I gave it away like it wasn’t enough. All the words I said and all you forgive. How could I hurt you again? What if I let you in? What if I make it right it? What if I give it up? What if I want to try? What if you take a chance? What if I learn to love? What if, what if we start again? On this time, I can make it right with one more try. Can we start again? In my eyes …you can see it now. Can we start again? Can we start again? Emptiness inside me … wonder if you see? It’s my mistake and it’s hurting me. I known where we’ve been. How did we get so far? What if … what if we start again? I’m lost inside the pain I feel without you. I can’t stop holding on, I need you with me! I’m trapped inside the pain. Can we never love again? I’m lost without you!

{“Start Again”}

Well? CAN YOU DO IT? Can you face your own reflection and beg yourself for a chance to make things right? Can you acknowledge that perhaps you’ve forsaken yourself, hurt yourself, and refused to even let YOU inside the fortress you’ve imprisoned your own heart in? Well? Maybe today’s the day to make a clean break from the self-loathing and regrets of your past. Remember: “New Day! New Choices! New CHANCES!” Just sayin’!

There is a strange kind of comfort in realizing the floor is solid. I have already fallen. I have already hit bottom. And somehow that means I do not have to fear going lower nearly as much as I need to believe I can rise from here. — The Real Cat Williamson. Warrior · Motivator · SURVIVOR;

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JUNE 1, 2026: “Hush Little Baby, Don’t Say A Word!” …

June 1, 2026September 28, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

It’s “World Narcissistic Abuse Day” once again, and perhaps the best way for me to memorialize my thoughts is to reiterate ones I had on this day three years ago:

… for me, growing up felt mostly like constantly falling out of a bloodied and blackened sky as a million tiny shards of glass. My parents had all of my pieces in their hands, but courtesy of their own toxic childhoods, were unable to see or catch my scattered pieces, much less put them back together. Lol. “Generational trauma” … the gift that just keeps on giving. As a result, I was given no choice but to find a way to pick up, make sense of, and mend my shards alone.

(“The Shardsman, The Hammer & The Glue” … from The Diary Of My Perfection)

With that, and again to all you walking trash bags out there reading this right now who reproduced before getting your broken pieces in order such that your cuts ended up bleeding out onto your babies, here’s a ‘lil nugget for you to chew on while you’re still alive … Why not at least try to find a way to give your “loved ones” (lol) a reason to cry at your funeral instead of having to sit up in the front row feeling awkward as holy FUCK while the people sitting behind them are wondering, “Who da fuck doesn’t cry at their own parent’s funeral?”

(“Cutting The Cord“)

… and so, with that, I say to you THIS:

Get yourself into therapy all you “mom things” runnin’ around out there flipping over them cradles you were entrusted with! For Christ’s actual sake, have yourself exorcised, if necessary, all you malignant excuses for “dads” out there breaking human souls for sport such that they end up choking on the endless stream of sugary piss water YOU brought home for their mothers to serve!

Just … do … SOMETHING to heal your damn self before it’s too late, because your kids never asked to be born or signed up for a lifetime of your fucked up beyond comprehension “parenting“. They deserve so much better than having the people who brought them into all this bullshit bleeding their open wounds all over their innocence and childhood! Dare I say that THE worst prison in the world is a childhood “home” filled with parents who are at war with themselves. Don’t sentence your kids to one!

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MAY 28, 2026: “Catherine In Wonderland!” …

May 28, 2026September 28, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Walt Whitman once said,

“If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders”.

Well, if that’s true, it would seem as though I’m only ever anywhere but “here”. I mean, am I “present” when I need to be and “in the moment” when I’m with my loved ones, animals, and responsibilities? You bet, I am. The rest of the time, however, I’m flipping back to all the best parts of my journey … like all the times I’ve been blessed enough to gaze upon gothic cathedrals, castles, cobblestones, and every other epic place I’ve wandered through … in this life and all the others … and dreaming ahead to all the places I’ve yet to see. I’m like … “Real Cat In Wonderland” just Peter Panning my way through THIS spin around the marble and marveling at all the epic wonders that are tattooed across my heart, mind, and soul. It doesn’t suck to be me, by the way. It’s a charmed and whimsical life I live in the space between my ears, and I wouldn’t want to live in anyone else’s head but my own … “crazy” and “nonsensical” as it may be. Just sayin’.

What are some your heart wanders off to? Leave a comment and let me know!

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MAY 25, 2026: “Welcome To My Shit Show!” …

May 25, 2026October 19, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Hi everyone! It’s me, REAL Cat, and it looks like I’m effing KILLING this whole “being myself” dealio! I literally AM an entire shit show of magnificent proportions, and I wouldn’t have me any other way! K, bye now! Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. EMERSON! Here’s hoping you’d be proud of my EPIC life accomplishment!

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MAY 17, 2026: “5:47pm, And Cinderella Has Left The Castle” …

May 17, 2026October 27, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Cinderella-inspired memorial artwork marking 5:47 PM on May 17, 2026, the moment Gia left home.

“Oh, I danced with Cinderella! I didn’t miss even one song. Then all too soon the clock did strike midnight, and she … was … gone!”

Meanwhile, although I’m going to drop this here tonight, I’ll have to circle back around to the words I’ll need to properly memorialize this bittersweet day my nest officially emptied. I knew this day was fast approaching. I just didn’t know it would actually be this soon.

How ironic is it that only hours ago I dropped a comment on a fellow squirrel mom’s post about her preparing to slowly begin letting go of her rehabbed fur babies?

Granted, and as you can see from my Life360 screenshot, she’s only 3.5 miles away.

Life360 screenshot from May 17, 2026, marking 5:47 PM and showing Gia 3.5 miles from home.

But nevertheless …

the clock has indeed struck midnight for this widowed and now empty-nested momma.

Here’s to the next open pages and chapters for us to write in separate—but also very much not separated—castles.

As for now, I think I’m going to allow myself to sob myself to sleep uncontrollably … because even though this is the way it’s always supposed to be, that doesn’t mean it can’t rip my actual heart out momentarily.

Goodnight everyone, it’s me, CAT!

Gia on a country road at sunset, with a distant castle behind her, symbolizing a new chapter after leaving home.

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MAY 15, 2026: “Slacktivism!” …

May 15, 2026September 29, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

“Thoughts and prayers.”

… but let me ask you THIS?

DO you actually? Pray, that is?

Be Impeccable With Your Word placard from The Four Agreements series.

If you write or say the words, “thoughts and prayers,” PLEASE actually think about this shit and pray. Let your words, thoughts, and deeds MEAN something, whether or not you ever get to see the fruits of them.

Look, I’m not claiming to have all the answers, people. But although I do have quite a bit more than just a mustard seed of deaf, dumb, blind, and possibly even “pointless” faith, what I do know for a fact is that nothing bad has ever happened to me as the result of hitting my knees like the 5-year-old FAVORITE daughter of God at the foot of this divinely punctuated and never-forsaken “panic chair” that has seen far too many heartaches, joys, triumphs, pleas for mercy, and endless tears of gratitude to count.

Win, lose, or draw, the world news these days does its best to keep me on an effing roller coaster of the highest highs and lowest lows. So? Imma just keep on keepin’ it REAL and make my intentions as bold and impeccable as possible, considering my otherwise innately putrid human condition.

I mean, what’s the worst thing that can happen, right?

There’s either Someone listening …

… OR there’s not …

… and just like Pascal said, there’s a 50/50 chance that Someone IS.

I’d rather err on the side of caution … JUST IN CASE!

For the record—and lest I remind you—yes, we do all die young, relatively speaking, especially considering the bittersweet fact that we start dying the second we are born.

Memento mori clock with a candle, skull, and antique books in a dark candlelit still life.

So say what you mean.

Mean what you say.

THINK about your thoughts.

And make every moment in between really count.

Just SAYIN’!

Oh, and ONE last thing …

I may be a little late to the Horizon Theory music party—but I’M HERE TO EFFING STAY! If you don’t already know this band, do yourself a favor and give them a listen and a follow. Keep on keepin’ THAT shit real, Josh!

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MAY 10, 2026: “Dear Moms: YOU Can ‘See’ You, Too!” …

May 10, 2026September 30, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

(Voiceover Credit To “Sharny And Julius“)

Besides, nothing I’ve ever been, done, or given for them has been a sacrifice. Being their mother is what I was created to be, and I don’t need a Macy’s Day Parade thrown in my honor to feel honored! Guess what, folks? I have, can, and will continue to bestow that seemingly elusive recognition upon myself like only a true queen can by continuing to walk in my “Power + Grace”! It’s who I am and what I was built for!

(“Apples & Martyrs“)

… and so, with that I lovingly remind all you unsung heroes and “unseen” mommas out there, perhaps even “alone” on this Mother’s Day 2027:

Yes! Yes, you CAN! You CAN “see yourself” for all the things—big and small—that you’ve been, done, given, and sacrificed for the sake of not just your babies, but so many others along the way. Sing your own praises today and ALWAYS! Whether or not anyone else ever noticed, acknowledged, or celebrated you as the true GIFT to humanity you are, bask in the light that adorns your head like a halo atop one of THE most powerful forces on Earth. The rest of your sisters “In The Hood“—seen and unseen, heard and unheard, known and unknown—know the truth of who you are and what you’ve given to everyone who has been in your care, including the children you’ve mothered who never came from your womb. And your God “sees” you, too. One sweet day, we’ll all walk arm in arm as we finally get to meet Him and lay our beautiful tiaras at His feet. “Well done,” He’ll say … mistakes included.

Christian Embach and Alexandra Loyola celebrating their marriage in Italy.

Family & Love

APRIL 28, 2026: “With All Of Their Love … From Italy!” …

April 28, 2026September 27, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

I’m OFFICIALLY a mother-in-law! So much love to my son, Christian, and his WIFE, my beautiful daughter-in-law, Alexandra! Cheers to the beginning of an extraordinary new bloom on both our family trees!

Meanwhile, a friend asked if I was even a little bit sad that they “ran away” to get married. My answer was an emphatic NO! They didn’t “run away” from anything … they ran with and to each other … as it should be and should have been all the while. Besides, every shred of my being knows that the entire collective of both our families’ “people” have been surrounding, protecting, and supporting them throughout the bittersweet journey that led them to finally saying “yes” to themselves and “NO” to everyone who tried to stand in their way.

When I close my eyes and imagine the shadows, spirits, and ancestral love pushing them forward, it reduces me to peace and bliss for them and their future. I couldn’t be any prouder of these two warriors standing together victoriously on a battlefield neither one of them ever signed up for. They will be blessed. So am I.

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APRIL 28, 2026: “GOOD Luck BLOOMS!” …

April 28, 2026October 22, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

🖤

Na-na, na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na.
Na-na, na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na.
Na-na, na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na.
Na-na, na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na.
Na-na, na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na.
Na-na, na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na.

🖤

“But maybe all the days that cut so deep … and maybe all the pain that no one sees? They’re all my scars, my GOOD luck to keep … and you can’t take that from me!”

🖤

Up until a certain point, I really had “spent all my life wondering why the bad luck always came so easy”, ever so painfully aware that the worst things in life really did appear to be free. Then one day I opened my eyes, stood back up, picked up my bloodied sword and scratched, dented, and exquisite tiara off the ground, and walked out of the ashes like the risen QUEEN I have become!

So much love to my son, Christian, and his WIFE, my beautiful daughter-in-law, Alexandra! Cheers to the beginning of an extraordinary new BLOOM on both our family trees!

(“With Love From Italy!)

As LUCK would have it, all those days that cut so deep and pain that no one sees? They’re all MY scars and GOOD luck to keep, and no one can ever take them from me! They’re out loud and living proof through my children that we’re all still alive and well here to talk, laugh, cry, support one another, and sometimes even rage about our former lives in the once ass-backwards and crumbling “empire” that was laid out before us all in this shit show of a “family”. The pain was our lesson to learn and let go so we can make new paths of our own, one bold step at a time. Pray God!

“With Love, From Italy!”

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APRIL 26, 2026: “When In Rome” …

April 26, 2026October 18, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

… because you know you’ve done at least one thing right when you’ve raised a boy into a man who “when in Rome” on a highly secretive special ops mission with his beloved … while tracing the footsteps of our great, great, great, GREAT “Uncle Marcus” (Aurelius) and countless other survivor ancestors in the shadow of the epicenter of what I believe is the most important living symbol of the rise and fall of civilizations, military strategy, and civic administration … stops … to take time … to notice a frigging CROW!

THAT’S my son, friends, and he is his mother’s child! Despite his kinda rough and tumble appearance and how he’s decided to build his own empire, has the heart and soul of a true animal-loving empath that runs far deeper than any human eye will ever see or mind will fully conceptualize. Oh, and by the way? I MADE HIM! Just thought I’d share. Bye everyone, it’s me, CAT!!

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MARCH 22, 2026: “The ‘Bits & Pieces’ Cloisonné!” …

March 22, 2026October 4, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

One year ago today, Daughtry released this most powerful tribute to what I believe is the most beautiful form of human existence there is:

“BROKEN INTO PIECES!”

Meanwhile, can I just tell you about this vase you see pictured here? My beautiful Mother gifted it to me from The Smithsonian Store catalog over thirty years ago, and it’s been one of my most prized possessions ever since. If you didn’t already know, “cloisonné” is a decorative art form in which thin metal wires are applied to a metal base to create little compartments, which are then filled with colored enamel and fired to form intricate, shiny designs. The reflective metal becomes part of the picture itself, woven between all that color. It’s a mosaic MASTERPIECE … kinda like ME:

None of you will EVER know what really lies beneath my surface, what you’d find there, or how much it’s REALLY worth! When I’m losing ground now, I don’t get nervous, ’cause I know there’s only so much I can control! Oh! But even with all the cracks in the mirror, my reflection couldn’t BE any clearer. I’ve GOTTEN to learn to cope … even at the end of my ropes … while doing the best that I can to live with the broken pieces of me that were shattered! I can’t stop the bleeding that I’ll never “get over”, and it was, indeed, hard to move on, but I’m living to LOVE all the pieces of me! I’ll NEVER know who’s coming for me into the storm without a warning, and like the cold of the morning, oh, how it will cut straight to the bone again. But it was the silence in the battle that made me no longer afraid of my own shadow. Now, I simply reach for hope when I’m at the end of all my ropes and just do the very best that I can. I can’t change the past, so I HAD to let go to learn how to live with these holes in my soul.

Dear GOD, I really am the luckiest girl on this Earth and surely Your most FAVORITE daughter! Thank You for breaking me over and over and over. There’s LITERAL gold woven in between all the pieces that are ME. Just sayin’!

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MARCH 9, 2026: “Meet The Monster!” …

March 9, 2026October 6, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

In honor of his eight-year SoBirthday today, I’m dropping this here in The Diary tonight so that one day when my grandkids find this virtual love letter I’m painstakingly writing to leave behind for them once I’ve crossed over to The BSOG, they’ll understand how he helped me help them become the epic, bullshit-free, perfectly mistaken, and impeccably flawed human beings they’re gonna become!

And “SO,” with that: Dear Grandbabies, this is Ivan … “The Man … The Myth … The LEGEND“!

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FEBRUARY 19, 2026: “Famous Last Words” …

February 25, 2026September 29, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

“The funny thing about facing imminent death is that it really snaps everything else into perspective.”

~ James Patterson ~

This bittersweet and powerful Netflix Famous Last Words interview of Eric Dane, featuring a final message to his daughters, was meant to be released and aired after his passing from a battle with ALS.

Well?

Sadly, he did, indeed, pass today.

Ugh.

Look, if you know anything about me by now, you know that I’m a ball of sometimes extremely polarizing emotions that I wear out loud and either proud or not so proud on my sleeves.

And if you know me even better than well, then you know that while it doesn’t take much to bring tears to my eyes—especially when it comes to tender, sweet, and bittersweet moments involving my children and animals—getting me to cry tears of actual pain and suffering is becoming harder and harder as the days pass by.

Perhaps I’m numb.

Perhaps I’m not even alive anymore and I’m just a vagabond soul with a disheveled shell and really questionable, err, “outfits.”

These “famous last words,” however, literally wrench my soul. It took me all of about 120 milliseconds to drop them here in the Diary—which is, by the way, nothing more or less than a virtual love letter to my babies … and their babies … and their babies.

I’m not gonna lie: I never watched the show he was on, wasn’t a fan because I didn’t know his work, and didn’t know a thing about him.

Lol.

I was “yesterday years old” when I realized he was that “Dr. McSteamy” I’ve oft heard about from other women.

What I do know, however, is that he was a husband and a father, and these final words to HIS babies are impeccable.

Godspeed, Mr. D.

Godspeed.

Black-and-white tribute poster for Eric Dane’s Famous Last Words documentary.

Memorial artwork asking what you would do if you knew you had ten minutes to live, paired with a cross, Bible, lily, and the number 365.

Starry black-and-white memorial journal artwork with a cross, white lily, and the words about writing in case tomorrow never comes.

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FEBRUARY 14, 2026: “‘Love Is’ … Not Enough!” …

February 14, 2026October 6, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

To My Valentines …

Just a handful of wisdom nuggets from me to you on this day of celebrating all things LOVE! Some of these lessons I had to learn the very hard way, while others I unfortunately learned a little too late. In the meantime, as you continue growing into your futures together, remember …

If you don’t speak, resentment will. Silence and avoidance are rarely “peace” … THEY’RE POISON! Always at least try to talk things through before you close your eyes at night, because communication is the key to every relationship in this life, and without it, even the strongest of relationships can just die.

It doesn’t take rocket science for me to know that eventually you’ll all be married. Well, at least if this mother’s prayers come true. Marriage is never just “50/50,” by the way … it’s “100/100” depending on the circumstance. There’ll be days “you carry her,” days “she carries you,” and that balancing act of generosity and patience is important. Don’t forget this!

Forgiveness doesn’t always erase the pain. It can, however, build trust. Sometimes you’ll forgive but never forget. Guess what? THAT’S OKAY! You’re only human, after all. Moving forward in moments like that is a choice you’ll have to make. Lower your armor and don’t become enemies.

Never stop doing all the little things for each other, because THOSE are the glue that will keep you bonded through thick and thin, and believe it or not, it’s the little things you’ll remember the most when all is said and done.

Last but not least, yeah, love really does hurt you sometimes, and no, it really isn’t so easy to find. So, this is me hoping that all your collective searching really is over and that win, lose, or draw, through hell or the highest of waters, you’ll always be standin’ there when the other turns around. In the meantime, I love you all to The Moon and back … and back … and back!

~ Mom

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FEBRUARY 7, 2026: “Back Home To The Son” …

February 7, 2026October 24, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Each day that passes is drawing me closer to something spinning hopelessly out of control. My day of reckoning is fast approaching and may be just around the corner. I can feel the ripples just beneath my skin as my realities are boiling to the surface. The unrelenting knot in the pit of my stomach and heart is getting tighter with each day that passes and it’s getting harder for me to breath. I am shaking, anxious, and, oh, yeah, a total fraud! Just up ahead, I think I can see the front of the proverbial bridge, but how can I make my legs actually move across it? If I actually make it across, what there will I find? Are there secrets about myself and even my “seemingly perfect childhood” that are still yet for me to discover? We shall see. Dearest Catherine, “Queen OfPerfection”, surely you can perfect this dance?

(“The Real Life” … April 8, 2008)

Well, then how about an angel? Can You send me another angel? Preferably one who’s more than two feet tall and older and wiser than 15? Someone I can talk to. Someone who will listen. Someone who wants to hear what I have to say. Someone to hold me and remind me that I’m alive. Someone who will look beyond my surface and find the broken little girl hiding inside my soul. Someone who doesn’t think I’m whining, or dramatic, ungrateful, and pathetic. Someone who doesn’t think I’m just a crazy fucking bitch, or that all the “things” I have should preclude me from feeling pain. Someone who’ll accept my broken heart and all my darkness and not hold “me” over my head. I NEED A HUG! Can You send me a hug? Or a kiss? Or a touch? Will anyone ever want to touch me? My perfection is a grand illusion and I the master illusionist! YOU AND I BOTH KNOW IT’S TRUE. I’m wandering aimlessly here, God, behind the walls of my beautiful castle, with my hands pressed hard against the windows. I’m still looking for that sign, and I still believe there’s a chance. Hey, I’m leaving for France tomorrow. Maybe I can just leave some of my baggage there?

(“Away From The Son” … May 30, 2008)

… and, in the spirit of keeping accurate, sound, and truthful accounting records of my life, I misspoke. June 28, 2008, was the first time I’d heard of either 3 Doors Down OR the song “The Real Life.” Although I’d written my “Hey, God? It’s me, Cat” letter on May 30, 2008 — just a month before running away to France — when I first heard “The Real Life,” I later went back and paired “Away From The Sun” with that Diary entry. Either way, this man, this band, and his multitude of powerful lyrics and beyond-faithful testimony are, indeed, why I’m still hanging on here today.

🖤

Dear Brad,

Well, you’ve done it, man. It’s your time. You’ve made it back Home, CLOSE to The Son! Now, we’d love for YOU to keep US lifted up in prayer every chance you get. GOD loves you … WE loved you … SEE YA!

~ The Real Cat Williamson ~

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FEBRUARY 2, 2026: “A Coincidence Of Opposites” …

February 2, 2026October 6, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Imagine trying to explain white to someone who has never seen black. You cannot have any experience without its opposite. LIGHT ONLY EXISTS BECAUSE OF DARKNESS. Joy is meaningful because we know sorrow. Love is precious because we understand loneliness. The ancient Chinese called it Yin and Yang. Not opposing forces, but two sides of one reality. We’ve been taught that life is about eliminating the negative, but that’s like trying to have mountains with only peaks and no valleys. It misses the whole point. Your darkest moments aren’t punishments, they are what give meaning to your brightest ones. Without winter, spring wouldn’t feel like a miracle. The goal isn’t to escape darkness, but to dance with both light and shadow. What if your struggles aren’t the enemy of happiness, but the very thing that makes happiness possible?

Attributed to Alan Watts (exact source unverified)

… and once you fully understand and adopt this core value into your way of thinking, your life and perceptions about almost everything will change. If you dig into his philosophies, you’ll find they have a profound way of permanently rooting themselves deep within your psyche and opening your mind to wisdom and ideals you never even knew existed and reframing your thoughts to get the most out of your daily reality. For the record, I have long since added Mr. Watts to my “Lucky Charms List” of people I’ve most wanted to sit and have a bowl of cereal with while discussing life.

MARCH 15, 2020: “The Nature Of God” …

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JANUARY 11, 2026: “22” …

January 11, 2026September 28, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Dear Diary (and Subscribers):

Unfortunately, I simply didn’t have the bandwidth to write something “fresh and new” for Gina Marie’s 22nd birthday. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t having a really, really, really hard time these days. This is the first of all her birthdays when I’ve missed a beat so completely that I don’t even have a basket ready to take to her grave. Truthfully, I’m not sure I’m going to her grave today. I am not a “steel magnolia” at the moment. I am beyond fragile, especially as I sit here writing while the familiar “January 11th” waves crash over me again. I know this feeling will pass. I know that because it always has. But right now, I am letting myself be exactly where I am.

JANUARY 11, 2004: “Hello, Goodbye” …

“When In Rome”

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JANUARY 3, 2026: “Craig” …

January 3, 2026September 24, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

To My Grands

(… even though you’re not even here yet):

“I’m writing this in case I’m gone tomorrow“, because although you may have never met me, I want you to know that these are the kind of things that brightened up my greys and mattered to me the most. They’re amongst the many Earthen treasures “I’ve borrowed” (as they were never mine to keep in the first place), so, I’m sharing them with you in this “virtual love letter” I’ve been writing to you for years now. I hope you’ll enjoy reading about not just him, but the many other beautiful beings I’ve truly loved, enjoyed, cherished, and admired along the way. And remember … “Animals are people, too”!

Craig was an Amboseli National Park legend, one of Africa’s last great super tuskers, and one of the most photographed elephants in the world. He was known world-wide for his magnificent, ground-sweeping tusks, and calm, majestic presence, and lived a long, protected life before passing away of natural causes today. His legacy will live on through his calves, beloved caretakers, all who were lucky enough to witness him in person, and everyone else like me who had the privilege of getting to know him through social media.

A Kenyan elephant believed to have been one of Africa’s largest male tuskers has died of old age. The pachyderm, fondly known as Craig, died of natural causes on Saturday morning at Amboseli National Park in southern Kenya, conservationists confirmed. “Craig had just turned 54 years old. He led a long life and no doubt fathered many calves,” said the Amboseli Trust for Elephants in its farewell message. Famed for his long tusks, Craig the elephant was a major attraction at the park near the Tanzanian border. In 2021, he was named an ambassador for the popular Kenyan lager brand Tusker – a name also used for adult male elephants with tusks. The Kenya Wildlife Service described Craig as an “icon” of successful conservation.

(BBC.com)

“The Fall Of A Gentle Giant”

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JANUARY 2, 2026: “Me, The OTHER Me & Our EPICALLY Flawed Design!” …

January 2, 2026September 30, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

In honor of “World Introvert Day” today, please allow me to once again remind you of what an epic level WEIRDO of “flawed design” MAGNIFICENCE you have floating about your atmosphere …

me:

“I’m an introverted extroverted INFJ enigma! I don’t like drama, conflict, chaos, or stress-filled places, and I don’t need too many friends! I just want to linger AT MY DISCRETION in calm and peaceful spaces with a FEW good people who are authentic, REAL, trustworthy, safe, and understand that sometimes I’ll just BOLT! I want simplicity, warmth, love, and people, places, and things that feed and heal my soul.”

also me:

**… but MOSTLY me:**

To know me is to love me or sometimes even hate me. Wait! Scratch that! To know me is to love me … or hate me … and only think you know me, but no, you actually don’t, ’cause for Christ’s actual sake, NO ONE really does (sometimes not even me), and also, I don’t really give two FUCKS whether you love me or hate me ’cause I LOVE ME enough for both of us! Bye everyone, it’s me, CAT!

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DECEMBER 31, 2025: “My Monsters Are REAL!” …

December 31, 2025September 28, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Not only are my monsters real, indeed, and trained oh, so very well, I’m not sitting here trying to fool anyone into believing they’re not right beneath my skin and pulsing through my bones. Am I proud of them? NOPE! But am I fucking proud that I am NOT like the mass of “others” walking the face of this planet wearing “sparkly, shiny, beautiful ” masks and disguises? YOU BET YOUR EFFING ASS I AM!

Me, myself, and all my pets have found THE safest home we will possibly ever know in this sanctuary I call “I”! As a matter of fact, we’ve even hung pictures and curtains in here and decorated with flowers and skulls! Besides, we don’t ever fall in love with people because they’re “good”, now do we? No! We only ever truly fall in love with people whose monsters from the dark side we can clearly see, recognize, and even walk beside of as they’re taking them out for a stroll. So, as for now, I guess I’ll just have to keep on loving all of me … the good, the bad, and the ugly! Guess what, people? IT’S ALLOWED! Happy Birthday, Sir Anthony, by the way, and shout out to this epic song that has become the voice of so many of the voiceless adult children who grew up in haunted houses and no fucking clue as to how to go about repairing the shattered MESS their parents left scattered across their floors.

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DECEMBER 22, 2025: “FLOWERING (From The Inside)!” …

December 22, 2025October 23, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

me:

“It’s turning out great, right? My homemade ‘kitchen flowers’ make me so happy every week!”

her:

“It’s really pretty this time, mom. Plus, it’s hydrangeas AND lilies, BOTH our favorites! But I have a question. Daddy always sends you flowers, so why do you need to buy your own?”

me (heart SWELLING):

“Because, daughter, WHY NOT? I decided years ago to stop waiting for the world and people in it to “bring me my happy” and get out there and start bringing it to MYSELF! It’s especially important for moms to treat themselves kindly when they can, because it’s a very hard job and sometimes the things moms do and give tend to go unnoticed or unrecognized, often unintentionally. Life happens and people get busy—ESPECIALLY most daddies—so moms have to remember to appreciate and value themselves regardless of who else remembers. You’ll always be able to make and find your OWN joy in life, as long as you’re willing to search for it. So, I want you to promise me that when you grow up you’ll treat YOURSELF to flowers often … because … YOU CAN and you DESERVE IT!”

her:

“Mommy? I am SO gonna do that AND have this same talk with your granddaughters one day! We’ll start a trend in our family called ‘get yourself some flowers, girl’!”

me:

“You just made my day, Gia! I’ve been WAITING for you to notice that I buy myself flowers and finally ask me why! Now that you know, I really, REALLY hope that someday when you have a house of your own and I stop by to visit I’ll see ‘homemade kitchen flowers’ on your counter from YOU to YOU!”

(“The Day Of The Homemade Kitchen Flowers“)

🌸

… fast forward to today:

YES, her Prince Charming brings her flowers constantly … but YES, she either buys or picks them for herself, too … and YES, making sure there are fresh flowers on my kitchen counter at all times will always be one of my favorite and most powerful mental wealth hacks and ways to continue “stealing The Sun from the sky” and staying in perpetual flight!

Uncategorized

DECEMBER 14, 2025: “Born Yesterday!” …

December 14, 2025September 24, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

… and that was the day I met the first, last, and only man I’d ever truly love for the rest of my days on this Earth …. to infinity and beyond … and The Moon and back.

In the meantime …

“If you ask me, he’s walked on water since before he could talk. One look at him, and I forget the miles he drove me up a wall! Each first day, ’til he was driving, I’d see him off and start to cry. Even though he’s all grown up, some things never change. Every time that he falls down, I’ll be there to carry the weight. If you ask me, he’s done made it. I swear he’s a superstar! To me, those AK’s that he’s making might as well be Fenway Park! I love to tell my friends about him and show ’em pictures on my phone. I’d say that my favorite one is the day I brought him home. I’ve bent God’s ear for him until it breaks, and any time he goes through hell, yeah, I’ll gladly take his place. Yes, I still dream for him … pray for him … want more than the whole world for him … forget all the hell he ever raised! I only ever see him one way … like he was born yesterday.”

{… Eric Burgett Lyrics Adapted}

[DISCLAIMER]:

Unlike the lyrics to this song, however, my son has never really “driven me up a wall or put me through that much hell”. He’s been an absolute JOY to raise. Truth being told, he’s my doppelgänger, and win, lose, or draw, and come hell or highest of waters, to know us is to love us, but we are who we are and make no apologies for it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Christian Peter! Momma loves you! Thirty-three years ago LITERALLY to the second this is being posted, you were “born yesterday”! Keep working on your Fenway Park, by the way! Momma’s got your six all the while! Actually? No! I have your entire CLOCK!