JANUARY 31, 2021: “I’m A Freak Of The World” …

The first time I ever took the Meyers-Brigg Type Indicator was at the request of the most unfortunate counselor I was seeing for a while, “Doctor Steven” (who, although I’m not sure, am fairly certain I must have forced to seek professional counseling of his own after having had to deal with me). Imagine that? Putting a counselor in counseling? Lol, but I’ve digressed.

Congratulations Cat! In true oxymoron fashion, and in keeping with everything else you’ve ever done, said, or been, you’re BOTH an actual AND metaphorical FREAK OF THE WORLD INFJ!

When I got home and began researching “the INFJ of it all”, I got nauseous. I cried, and screamed, and had a semi cataclysmic meltdown. Also? I was PISSED! Where the HELL did he get off telling someone who already thought “everything is wrong with them”, that this too is “wrong with them”. Yah, umm, NO DOC – I think I’ll pass. But thanks so much for chiming in.

So much of what I read seemed so dark and twisted that I just couldn’t handle it. So, I did the only thing I could at that point and let that “label” go in one ear and out my ass (as was the case for many of the SPOT ON things not only Doctor Steven, but so many others, tried to tell me about myself).

The second time I took it was at my lovely visit to The Meadows. Said visit was the good Dr. Steven’s idea, not mine, and perhaps the best “worst thing that ever happened to me”, but again, I’ve digressed. Which then leads me to the third and final time I took it – also during my stay at The Meadows … because … after taking it the second time, I literally FREAKED THE FUCK OUT – again!

What the HELL is wrong with all these people? What the HELL is wrong with this test? Where in the actual HELL did this dumbass doctor send me?” I DON’T WANT TO BE A FREAK OF NATURE! I DON’T WANT TO BE THE “ODD ONE OUT!

So, I asked if I could take it again. Winner, winner, chicken dinner! Third time’s a charm, and yes, I’m an actual weirdo! It took me one HELL of a long time to finally come to terms with all my “labels and diagnoses”, and I fought against every one of them tooth and nail. Meanwhile …

Hi everyone, it’s me, Cat. I’m a Warrior, Motivator, SURVIVOR, AND I’ve overcome one of THE most stigmatic mental illnesses, AND I’m a TESTED AND VERIFIED FREAK! I really AM “kinda like a storm“!

Today, I embrace my rarity by focusing only on the positive characteristics of being an INFP. I’m “highly creative, artistic, idealistic, focused on the future, value close, deep relationships, and enjoy thinking about life”.

Are there some dark and twisted traits with this? YUP! I can be overly sensitive and difficult to get to know, and yup, I sure as hell do have very high expectations, and I’m stubborn, and I hate confrontation. But every one of those weaknesses are also part of my strength. So, let’s just spin it this way:

Hi everyone, it’s me, Cat! While I can indeed be overly sensitive, at least I’m in touch with my feelings and allow myself to have them. I suppose I am rather difficult to get to know, because yes I do have WICKED high expectations, but umm, have you met me? I’m a queen, and not only can queens not be friends with everyone, why would they want to anyway? So, with that, congratu-fucking-lations to anyone who’s had the privilege and honor of knowing me, and even more so to the few who ever will. My uber-selective inner sanctum is one of THE best places to GET to be. At the end of the day, although the light from my halo is loving, warm and endearing, it will burn your fucking eyes out if you’re not strong enough to stand near it. Please ONLY bring your A-game … I’ll settle for NOTHING less … I’ll see right your bullshit AND throw it back in your face, ’cause (PS) not only am I not afraid to be alone, I rather much enjoy it. To know me is to love me, but ONLY if you’re lucky!

Yes, I AM “one of God’s own high powered prototypes”, and I wouldn’t have me any other way. If I have to regret anything from my past (and trust me, I really don’t regret much), it’s that I spent so many years being ashamed of all my “labels” (the good, the bad, AND the ugly). These days? They’re like – my favorite tattoos of all – cryptic, elusive and invisible! YOU can’t see them, but trust me, THEY’RE THERE, the BEST of the BEST people this beautiful life has to offer me will ever get to!

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but when my husband found out about my “INFJ of it all” personality, he always said it made me unique and special.

You’re MY beautiful disaster, honey, and I wouldn’t have you any other way!

He knew I was “this” before we got married, and yet he made me a Williamson anyway! Jean Claude Van DAMN I always knew that guy was a genius. (And yes, he really was, BOTH verifiably AND metaphorically!

FREAK OF THE WORLD

Don’t want the Sun to shine upon my face. And I see your eyes and their glazy haze. Your lips don’t move but I hear what you’re sayin’. I look outside through the razor blades. And I crawl and I scrape and I feel for you, but there’s nothing, there’s nothing that I can do. I’m a freak – I’m the freak of the world. I’m a freak! Freak of the world. Stars are shining oh so bright, but I don’t think everything’s alright. And I can’t wake up ’cause I dream all night. Yeah you’re in my way and I can’t get by. And I beg and I cheat and I steal for you, but there’s nothing, there’s nothing that I can do. I’m a freak – I’m the freak of the world! {Puddle Of Mudd}

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