WHO AM I? I am me. I’m my own best friend and the one person in my life who I know will never let me down. I’m the person I get to be with until I take my very last breath and set my eyes upon The Brighter Side Of Grey. I’m the only one I can count on when all my cards are down, come Hell or the highest of waters. I’m the Queen Of The World who has crossed on over to the upside of just about everything, yet I’m the most wretched in all the land. Love me or hate me. I — DON’T — CARE, ’cause at least I know EXACTLY “who I am,” WHERE I’ve come from, and WHERE I’m going. I’ve owned and accounted for ALL of my own bullshit, darkness, and truths! I have the world’s biggest, SMALLEST ego and the confidence of a lion, yet I’m humbled by the power of my absolute insignificance. I am big. I am small. I’m a pebble skipped across the ocean. I’m a divinely appointed apostrophe that punctuates the world with Light — valueless and valued just the same … and … I’m God’s ACTUAL favorite daughter … and I’M MAGIC!

(“Power, Grace, And Beauty RISING!”)

It’s one of my favorite quotes from a fictional TV character EVER … because … there are no TRUER or more IMPECCABLE words. Meanwhile, and in keeping with some likewise POWERFUL words that Ivan spoke at this show this week about how even the smallest moments in our lives can a profound effect on our lives and why we should embrace them, I’d like to circle back to a “small moment” a few years ago when I was freshly navigating the wake of my husband’s suicide like a risen from ashes QUEEN and Ivan wrote those words to and about me.

Seeing myself through his words really WAS a life changing moment. You see, up until a certain point in my journey, I had heard WAY to many less than powerful words, labels, and opinions about myself – not the least of which were the words I WOULD SPEAK to me when I’d look at myself in a mirror.

Guess that, though?

I really AM “Power + Grace” and no such words will be allowed to darken my mind, heart, or soul again.

I really HAVE walked through fire then lived to tell about it, SO? Fuck you very much to anyone who EVER dares to steal my Light OR my crown.

Beauty truly HAS risen from all these acrid ashes, and not only am I dancing my way through them every single day of my life, but I’m also so proud to gaze into a mirror these days, flaws and all.

Just sayin’!

The golden wings of a phoenix spread beneath a warm spotlight against a dark background.

About The Real Cat Williamson — Warrior, Motivator, Survivor.

Pink-and-blue infant loss awareness ribbon surrounded by flowers, butterflies, candlelight, and rays of light.

OCTOBER 15, 2026: “STILL Calculating!” …

October 15, 2026 The Diary Of My Perfection

Infant Loss Awareness Day memorial for Gina Marie, with pink-and-blue remembrance imagery.

For those parents out there who have had to bury a child, this post is for you. For those who have not, God love, bless, and keep you from ever having to do such an unnatural thing.

Many people have asked me over the years, “… but Cat, HOW do you still laugh, smile, and experience joy after all the losses you’ve suffered?”

It’s called “The Mathematics Of Faith”, and it’s factored by strength, fortitude, and resilience … the total sum of which is always “LOVE” … be it love for one another or the love we’re commanded to have for ourselves by the God that gifted us to one another in the first place, no matter how short or long our seasons. Perhaps the best part of this ‘lil quotient is that you don’t have to be a genius to figure it out! As a matter of fact, as far as faith and most matters of the heart are concerned, the deafer and dumber you are, the better! Fast-forward to today and everything I’m feeling as I revel in the victory of powering through what would have been her 21st birthday had she not moved on to The Brighter Side Of Grey so quickly. Grieving not just my tiny angel, but my husband and so many others I’ve lost along the way has been difficult, of course, but even more than that, it has been the utmost and highest privilege of my life. Why is that, you ask? Because it means I “got” to love them in the first place. Their deaths remain “nothing at all.” My prayer for all of you beautiful warriors out there is to keep on carrying on and let nothing and no one take that crown from your head or steal your faith. As for me? Although losing a child of my own flesh and blood (no matter her age or how fleeting the hours I had with her) is something I would never wish upon another parent, what I can tell you is this: You have to let go of the need for black and white proof, walk through all the grey and fear blindly, and trust the process. It’s scary, I know, but the fruits of the immense amount of courage it takes to stop trying to make sense of certain things are infinite. I PROMISE!

(“The Mathematics Of Faith“)

And so, with that—yes, my friends, I am still here, very much doing the math and calculating my faith. Guess what? The numbers are adding up to INFINITY, and I don’t exactly hate it. Carrying on!

(“Power, Grace, And Beauty RISING!”)

(“The Mathematics Of Faith“)

Zachariah,

~ Me

“Silence is NOT always golden, because sometimes it can actually kill!”

~ The Real Cat Williamson ~

(“The Anchor“)

… and “remember” …

So, Cat? Where do I start the often painful art of letting all these unresolved feelings go?

DID YOU KNOW …

Your independence is calling your name, but a doubtful voice divides your faith.

Your independence only hesitates, an unsure choice you can’t embrace.

You’re gonna have to carve YOURSELF from stone … right to the bone, or you’ll end up alone … playing the role of someone in control.

(“Lost Realist” Lyrics Adapted)

YOU … ARE … A MASTERPIECE!

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

“Light can devour the darkness, but darkness cannot consume the light.”

~ Matshona Dhliwayo ~

LET’S GET THIS STRAIGHT …

(a) End up in lifelong therapy;

(b) End up with a rip-roaring mental illness;

(c) End up hating and making cryptic posts like this about you;

(d) End up completely SEVERING you from their lives; or

(e) ALL OF THE ABOVE!

(“Phoenix Rising“)

“Faces” …

“It was so much easier to kill the monsters living in my head once I could see all their faces.”

(“Faces”)

Oh, and one last thing …

🖤

“Now the time’s come to forget the wrong that you’ve done and hold on to the reasons you are truly missed. I don’t resent you, and when I’m feeling empty, I’ll keep you in my memory and leave out all the rest.”

🎶

I see your need … your greed … your disease. You’d crush the world just to hold it in your hand. So, take your place in the kingdom you to crave. You’ll destroy it all ’til there’s nothing left to save.

Who’s gonna save a soul that never had a heart? So, you can say your prayers, it won’t redeem your past. Bury the truth ’til the Earth begins to break. You’ll destroy them all ’til there’s no one left to hate.

Tell me now, do you feel the weight of your crown? Of all the lives you take? Was it worth the price they paid to sit alone and watch your throne decay?

I see the world burn in your eyes! Scorch the Earth tonight!Bring the world down to its knees! Smash open the sky! Fire falling down like rain!

Down your kingdom crashes … all alone in your empire of ashes!

(“The Crowning”)

SO, WHY CAN’T THIS SONG BE ABOUT “YOU AND YOU”?

{“Start Again”}

(“The Shardsman, The Hammer & The Glue” … from The Diary Of My Perfection)

(“Cutting The Cord“)

… and so, with that, I say to you THIS:

“If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders”.

(“The Tragic Truth Revisited”)

Dear ME

(… My Life … AND My Babies):

“Non est ad astra mollis e terris via.”

— Seneca the Younger

“Non est ad astra mollis e terris via.”

“Oh, I danced with Cinderella! I didn’t miss even one song. Then all too soon the clock did strike midnight, and she … was … gone!”

“Thoughts and prayers.”

… but let me ask you THIS?

DO you actually? Pray, that is?

(“Apples & Martyrs“)

… and so, with that I lovingly remind all you unsung heroes and “unseen” mommas out there, perhaps even “alone” on this Mother’s Day 2027:

“But maybe all the days that cut so deep … and maybe all the pain that no one sees? They’re all my scars, my GOOD luck to keep … and you can’t take that from me!”

So much love to my son, Christian, and his WIFE, my beautiful daughter-in-law, Alexandra! Cheers to the beginning of an extraordinary new BLOOM on both our family trees!

(“With Love From Italy!)

Umm, YAH! RIGHT!

(“Never Ordinary“)