FIVE.

The number of bittersweet birthdays we’ve had to celebrate without him here.

Even still, although the death certificate says “FOUND AUGUST 23, 2019”, those of us who knew him best know that he started dying a slow and painful death on the very day that he was born. It was the moment of his birth and his “unbecoming”. Fortunately, I have it on good knowledge that both “the creature” that birthed then dumped my husband and his “siblings” do, indeed, read my posts, in which regard I have yet another heartfelt message:

Dearest “THING & Co.”:

He lost himself into the night, and he flew higher than he had ever, but still felt small. You clipped his wings … he fell from flight to open water and floated farther away from himself. He swam in the wakes of imposters just to feel what it was like to pretend. There were no dreams in his waves … only monsters … and the monsters were his only friends. They’re all that he was in the end but NEVER really was or ever will be. Eyes in the dead still water. He tried, but it pushed back harder. Cauterized and atrophied … you were his unbecoming. He put knives in the backs of martyrs and left our lives in the burning fodder. Cauterized and atrophied … you were our unbecoming. I found him drifted out to sea. It was automatic, now it’s telepathic. I always knew him. They laughed as he searched for a harbor and pointed to where your halo was supposed to be, but any light in your eyes had been squandered. There was no angel in you … were his unbecoming. He waited for his metamorphosis, but all that’s left is the change that could never be. Selfish fate … YOU made him this. Now, under the water he’ll wait.

{Words To “Unbecoming” Adapted by The Real Cat Williamson}

With that, despite the tone of not just this, but the many other bitter “Real Cat” rants, know that every time I think about you crying all those crock-of-shit-o-dile tears over that Zack of SHIT “brother” of yours, I laugh and then smile knowing that the day he was born was amongst our greatest gifts and treasures … NOT YOURS … ’cause ya threw the gift of “him” the fuck away like actual living garbage and left him behind in the proverbial trash can of his life. So, here’s wishing all you rat bastard mother fuckers a very heartfelt birthday truth bomb that YOU were his “unbecoming”, starting on this day that he was born. May you twist and turn tonight as you are reminded, yet again, of all the October 5ths gone by that you FORGOT the fuck about him while he was still here for you to remember him.

If you are a mother THAT (not “who”) has abandoned and forsaken a child of her own body, know that the unfathomable wound you left them with will never truly heal. If, on the other hand, you are a child whose “mother THING” abandoned you? Please know that just like the battalion of mothers in this world who understood the magnitude of the job we were given, you are always in my heart and I pray for you daily.

(“Mother Fuel“)