Yesterday I ran across a post that really struck me (and yes, that pun was very much intended, lol). It was a super cool canvas rendition of the fight between Rocky and Ivan Drago, and after having thought about it literally all day and night, this is what I’ve come up with …
Gia and I are huge Rocky fans, as was Zack. Rocky IV in particular is my favorite, because in my mind I have always felt it’s been “me against the Devil” in both the brightest and darkest moments of my life, and he’s the one always saying to me, “I MUST BREAK YOU”! Yet I absolutely refuse to let him take me down! Consequently, one of my favorite songs, “No Easy Way Out”, is from the Rocky IV soundtrack. The Sunday night before he killed himself, it was playing in the car on our way home from the gym and he was crying as he squeezed my hand three times (“I-Love-You”). Five nights later he was gone. I’ve listened to it over and over the last 62 days, just thinking, reflecting, remembering and “wanting to know why”. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. Zack’s fighting days are done. He lost. Went down. Tapped out. IT’S OVER! But mine are not, because I’M STILL HERE, and quite clearly, I’m still standing. Am I bruised? Sure. Fat lip? Bloody nose? Black eye and some scars here and there? Absolutely!
There have been so many days this last twenty years, even in my most broken, lost, bent out of shape, completely incoherent, mangled and twisted of mindsets, that I’ve looked at myself in the mirror and said,
Good grief woman, how in the HELL are you still standing? Why HAVEN’T you given up yet? WHY HASN’T THAT MISERABLE DEVIL BROKEN YOU?”
The only answer I ever come up with is this:
It’s Him. Not me!
Please understand that in no way do I believe that I am more special, gifted, blessed or talented than anyone else. It’s God. I just know it. There is NO other explanation as to why I haven’t taken the “easy way out”, other than: IT’S HIM! I just feel it. In my heart. In my bones. In my soul. All around me, everywhere, all the time. When I’m happy. When I’m sad. When I’m angry. When I’m grieving. When I’m crying, smiling, laughing, screaming or just feeling like punching someone in the face.
It’s. Just. Him!
God handed me this heavyweight belt I wear, for what reason I will never understand. Zero did I earn it. Zero do I deserve it. But damn am I honored to have it! It’s the most valuable thing I possess, that cost Him everything and me NOTHING, other than my completely blind faith in “the process”. I realize, of course, that some don’t understand this, and, in fact, may think its lunacy to believe in something you cannot touch or see. But you can’t touch or see the wind, can you? Nope, you sure can’t! But it’s real just the same, and we CAN see the effects of it. I mean, hello? We KNOW what a strong windstorm can do, do we not? So, with that, I am Rocky. The Devil is Ivan Drago. The God I serve is the referee. And I … AM …