This morning I was “daydreaming” again – making plans for a future I’m not so much planning as I am “visualizing”. It’s this whole thing that Williamson taught me: “If you want it, SEE IT, THEN GO AND MAKE IT HAPPEN!”. Now, I’m sure some of you may be thinking, “Well, then why the hell didn’t he just SEE himself out his darkness?” Unfortunately, mental illness doesn’t always work that way, especially when a human mind ends up literally splitting in two.
Zack and I always talked about “the little cottage in Europe” I want so badly, and indeed he vowed to make that happen before my time was done. So, he would make me visualize it:
Close your eyes, Catherine. Tell me what you see. Tell me EVERYTHING you want at the cottage.
Then I would close my eyes and tell him:
It will look like a fairy tale … small and cozy … surrounded by trees … covered in climbing ivy with a stone chimney up on top … SURROUNDED BY HYDRANGEAS, YELLOW ROSES, SILVER BELLS AND COCKLE SHELLS …
This morning while I was daydreaming, I once again closed my eyes and “saw it”. My little cottage, that I’m going to have, with the climbing ivy, stone fireplace up top and surrounded by my favorite flowers. Then all was well, and my day progressed.
Twenty minutes ago, my doorbell rang. “Who in the world?” When I opened the door, my stomach hit the floor in the best possible way, with that all too familiar adrenaline dump I’ve come to know so well during the worst and best moments of my life. It was his florist! The only one he EVER patroned … his “partner in crime” when it came to knowing exactly how to make me smile … with this arrangement for ME:
Good afternoon, Cat. These are from Diane. She just wanted you to know we’re all thinking of you constantly.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dismiss it as just a fluke if you must, but nope, not me, NOT EVER! Never will I fail to heed the signs of life that flourish in the darkness! To me, it’s all serendipity! My husband, my fate, and even God Himself all screaming to me out loud! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I am one blessed and very lucky queen! No, Zachariah, not even one of your years in this realm were in vain. Every gift you gave and dream you dreamt is going to carry on, because that’s just how it’s supposed to be.