APRIL 2, 2020: “With Silver Bells And Cockle Shells” …

This morning I was daydreaming and making plans for a future I’m not so much planning as I am visualizing. It’s this thing he taught me to do: “If you want it, SEE IT, then make it happen!” Now, I’m sure some of you may be thinking, “Well, then why the hell didn’t he just SEE himself out his darkness?” Well, unfortunately, mental illness doesn’t work that way, especially when a human mind ends up literally splitting in two.

Zack and I always talked about the little cottage I want so badly, and he vowed to make that happen before my time was done. So, he would make me visualize it until then:

Close your eyes, Catherine. Tell me what you see. Tell me EVERYTHING you want at the cottage.

Then I would close my eyes and tell him:

It will look like a fairy tale … small and cozy … surrounded by trees … covered in climbing ivy with a stone chimney up on top … SURROUNDED BY HYDRANGEAS, YELLOW ROSES, SILVER BELLS AND COCKLE SHELLS …

This morning, while I was daydreaming, I once again closed my eyes and “saw it”. The little cottage that I’m going to have with the climbing ivy, stone chimney, and all my favorite flowers. Then, all was well and my day progressed.

Twenty minutes ago, my doorbell rang. “Who in the world?” When I opened the door, my stomach hit the floor in every best possible way with that all too familiar adrenaline dump I’ve come to know so well during the worst and best moments of my life. It was his florist … the only one he EVER patroned … and his partner in all these flower crimes when it came to knowing how to make me smile … with this beautiful arrangement for ME:

Hi, Cat. These are from Diane. She just wanted you to know we’re all thinking of you constantly.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Dismiss it as just coincidence if you must, but nope, not me, NOT EVER! Never will I fail to heed the signs of life that still flourish in the darkness! To me, it’s serendipity! My husband, my fate, and even God Himself all screaming to me out loud!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I am one hell of a truly blessed woman! Zachariah, not a single one of your years in this realm were in vain. Every gift you gave and dream you dreamt is going to carry on for as long as I’m still on this Earth, because that’s just how it’s supposed to be.