STAINED GLASS WINDOW
“Just beneath the rafters in a church of stone laid a stained glass window in the attic all alone. A work of art forgotten – a treasure thrown away. Taken from the sunlight, it was just a useless frame. Oh the things in life we take for granted, the things of wonder we could know. I want to be illuminated, full of Heaven’s light, shining through my life. Let the window of my heart reveal your love. I took the stained glass window and held it to the light … years of hidden glory reappeared before my eyes. Every brilliant color glowing like a fire. Full of revelation and created to inspire., Thirsty for your morning sun. Let your love in me unfold, all this beauty to behold. There’s a stained glass window in the soul of man – a pattern of perfection that was made with holy hands. With the light of heaven pouring through each pain, truth in all it’s splendor is revealed and will remain.” – Clay Crosse
I headed off to college in Corsicana, Texas, which was a much welcomed and necessary escape from the “Mean Girls” scene at old Allen High. Away at college no one really gave a second look to my ethnicity and everyone was just so “different”. Different colors, creeds, backgrounds – different Gods and perspectives. It was there that I realized that I was only a tiny piece of this beautiful multi-cultured tapestry of life and it was also then during my freshman year that I met my future husband (who for the his sake alone shall heretofore be referred to as either “Him” or “He” in this Diary).
“Him”. My GOD was he good looking! Solidly chiseled six foot two and 200 pounds with deep green eyes to get lost in! We met there in Corsicana at the YMCA and after many months of cat and mouse began dating. We continued to date once I graduated from Navarro and transferred to the University of North Texas and this went on for about a year.
By this time my sister Julie had caught up with me and was then beginning her freshman year also at UNT and we lived together, which was such an experience I’ll never forget! By then, however, I had developed a dangerous eating disorder and at one point had dropped down to about 100 pounds and a size zero. My obliterated self-esteem had finally caught up with me and I had gone almost an entire year without keeping a meal down. My family tried to help me, but unfortunately, I was much weaker than my disease. I’m not so sure that anyone, including myself, understood what my disease was about in the first place, which not only didn’t help but eventually just perpetuated matters. After first being hospitalized and then intensely counseled I went ahead and dropped out of school at the middle of my junior year so that I could go back home and recover, which I did, or at least I thought I did, the Christmas of 1990.
It took almost an entire year for me to finally catch Him and He was certainly not an easy one to reel in. Sometimes I’m ashamed of how I insinuated myself into every aspect of his life, and could probably have compared my tactics to those of a common stalker. Looking back I now have a much better understanding of why He was “so hard to catch”, which I will surely venture into at some point in this Diary. That January, however, and after a bit of coaxing by my father, He asked me to marry Him after which time mom, Julie and I spent the next 10 months planning my fairytale wedding, for which absolutely no expense was spared!
He and I were married on October 19, 1991. Things were relatively simple for us back then. He worked a warehouse in Corsicana and planned on becoming a fireman. I became a paralegal secretary in Dallas and loved it. We made the cutest little home in Ennis and began our life together. Again, I was young and a bit spoiled at times and looking back I realize that I was so busy planning the wedding that I completely overlooked the “being married” part that would soon follow. Still, it seemed as though we loved each other enough at the time and were relatively happy, and things might have been just fine, but then …