DECEMBER 18, 1998: “Into Another” …


Slowly I heal the love that’s found it’s way on to another path in times of change. Crossing that bridge alone, hoping our strength will hold. Should they let go then let me lay … Let me lay.  Show me a sign to a light that shines one direction into another – sheltered peace of mind. Somewhere I lost a piece of memory, but somehow I know my legs will carry me. Searching for circle’s end, hoping the wounds will mend. Should this scar, then it was meant to be. {Skid Row}

Christmas came that year to find me still grieving but still trying to stay focused in my faith. In all the Christmases prior and throughout the years we were divorced however, He and I had always managed to always go shopping for Christian together during the holidays. This year? I didn’t want to go! I was still feeling very sorry for myself and not much like shopping.

This Saturday however would be a day to surely remember. He came to the house that morning, walked into my bedroom where I was still buried under the covers, opened the blinds, ripped off my covers and told me to get out of bed. We were going shopping for Christian that day and he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Despite my best efforts to avoid any Christmas joy and after much cajoling by Him by noon the two of us were out the door and headed to the malls for a day filled with holiday shopping.

We shopped and laughed, ate and laughed, then shopped some more and then ended up having some dinner. It was probably one of the most beautiful days that I’d ever had in my life and one that I still fondly carry in my heart. The next day we decided to spend more time together, only this time with Christian. We shopped some more, then went to lunch and they even went to a special Christmas themed service with me at my church. At the end of the evening when the two of them drove me to the parking lot where I had met them and left my car He leaned over to give me a hug goodbye. Instead however, He kissed me. When the kiss was over we both turned to see the look of astonishment on Christian’s wide-eyed face – his hands were over his mouth and he was smiling: “Kiss her again, Daddy, kiss her again!”, then he pushed our heads together with his hands.