OCTOBER 29, 2010: “Slide ” …

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9:00AM THIS MORNING:

ZACK (while standing at the sink washing out the blender after making his morning smoothie): So, listen, I have a question? Do ya wanna get married next week? I was thinking we should do it on Monday since it’s my only day off next week.

ME: Umm, EXCUSE ME? What the FUCK? Are you KIDDING ME with this right now?

ZACK: Well you do need some health insurance and I’m planning to really marry you anyway, so it will only be a formality. Let’s just go and get the paper so I can add you to my plan, but we won’t tell anyone until I can afford to slide a bit fat ring on your finger and give you a proper wedding. Do we understand each other?

ME: Yes, of course! It’s just a formality. We won’t tell anyone! Not a soul! I promise, promise, PROMISE! But what about the kids? Should we at least just tell the kids?

ZACK: Catherine, we tell NO ONE! DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? Besides, I’m not telling your kids until I can ask your son’s permission.

ME: Okay, I get it. UNDERSTOOD! We’ll get married “just on paper” on Monday!

Okay, good. You call David and see if he will marry us and let’s go to the courthouse this afternoon and get a marriage license.

Me (three days later at the front desk of the gym the Tuesday morning after we got “married on paper for insurance” … ALL the way down the corridors … AND in the locker room … AND to everyone upstairs that he worked with … AND to the client he was training: GUESS WHAT? I’m officially “Mrs. Williamson” now. Zack and I got married last night! But shhhh, PLEASE don’t tell ANYONE!