…. when it’s going on ten years since you’ve slayed your “creature” … but for one brief 24-hour setback … yet, a five second clip of what was devouring your soul while YOU were devouring everything else for almost 19 years breaks your heart all over again for the others out there who have yet to even MEET their monster, much less find a way to slay it.
Shawn Cross is the phenomenal artist who’s somehow managed to put a face with so many of the THINGS that have preyed upon not just my life, but the lives of so many others I’ve known and loved, not the least of which was my husband, who as you may know, lost his battle with a multi-dimensional creature with way too many “faces” to count. I ordered his book, “It’s All In Your Head“, as soon as I found him over a year ago, have studied and memorized every one of its poignant renderings of all the “things”, and was especially taken by his words:
Wherever I travel, I base my enjoyment of that destination on the new foods I get to try. It’s sad to know for others, that enjoyment is personal torture. They are stuck in a vicious cycle that I’ve seen so many unable to get out of, where the joy of overindulging is paid for by purging later. Rinse and repeat.
He took the words, feelings, and reality of my once frozen tundra right out of my mouth without me having to actually purge them.
Meanwhile, if you’ve know me at all, you know I’ve got a bulimia nervosa of WORDS to either write or speak about ALL of the things that have tortured my life, and more so than that, the many artists whose lives “in the dark” have somehow managed to inspire me to find the Light that does, indeed, wait at the very bottom of the abyss if you’ll just gaze into it long enough. Often, however, I’m so overcome by the affects of their works that I’m at a loss for words … until I’m not.
Well? Today was the day for me and “the Shawn Coss” of my epic journey. Better yet, how awesome is it that it was also the day I finally got to blog out a lifetime favorite song that I knew would eventually come full circle? Of course, I’m tweaking the lyrics my way:
Faces … pictures on the wall. Do you sleep at all when you sleep? Faces … burning in your mind. Faces! I’d been trapped inside my own world, trying to get out. I didn’t know what was goin’ on or where I might have been. I’ve talked to many people and lived life through their eyes, but the voices down the hall told me no reason where or why. All of my life I’d been missing the answer. It should have been easy to tell. I saw faces … pictures on the wall. I didn’t sleep at all when I’d sleep. Faces … burning in my mind. Would they be the lies that I’d see? I’d heard the words of people that had lived deep in my mind, and I wanted to feel the passion that was locked inside. The pictures now are falling … there’s no trace at all … and the voices that were calling me no longer call. All of my life, I’d been missing the answer. It should have been easy to tell. All of my life, I’d been missing hearing the answer. Now it’s so easy to tell. No more faces burning in my mind! Faces? Hear me call, hear me call, hear me call …
{Words Adapted from Night Ranger’s “Faces”}
Hey? Dragon BITCH? Seeing you from this perspective today, as opposed to the way I’d already personified you on the pages of the book, reminded me, yet again, that I was the KILLER of YOU! I win! YOU LOSE! Now, crawl on back to your cave and stay the fuck DEAD!
If you or someone you know has ever suffered at the hands of one of these THINGS, I cannot recommend investing in Shawn’s book enough. The money you’ll spend will pale in comparison to the value of putting a face with so many of the mental illnesses that are otherwise impossible to understand or recognize. More so than that, if, like me, you’ve already slayed one of these bastards, putting a face with what you’ve managed to conquer is such an epic and validating feeling of victory.
The Diary Of My Perfection 
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