MAY 12, 2024: “She Is Love” …

🎶

She walks through the city. No one recognizes her face. They don’t want her pity. No one ever mentions her name. She’s carried the broken, but their scars have no name in her heart, ’cause she walks in forgiveness. She’ll shine like a light in the dark.

She’ll always remember the days when they welcomed her here. They know if they need her. She made a promise to always be here.

When they are weak she will always be strong. Though they don’t know it, they’re never alone. No matter how many times they may leave, it’s never hopeless, ’cause she still believes.

She is love.

🎶

She’s the whisper of the leaves when you walk down the street, the smell of certain foods you remember, every flower you pick, and the fragrance of life itself. She’s the hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well and your breath in the air on a winter’s day. She’s the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, and the heartbeat of Christmas morning. She’s the place you came from, your very first home, and the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space… not even death. She is always with you. She’s your Mother. She is Love.

{Deborah R. Culver}

Pray God, I am someone’s “She”. I was blessed, honored, and privileged to be someone’s Mother. But you see, not a Mother’s Day has passed since the first one I celebrated with Zachariah in my halo that hasn’t been met with an abundance of joy and gratitude for having been blessed enough to be their “She”, but as well a deep and aching sadness. Not everyone has a “She” propelling the wings of their flight:

As with every Mother’s Day I’ve since had to or will ever spend without him, today is so twisted and bittersweet. On one hand, I am privileged to celebrate not just the gift of my motherhood, but the gifts of my mother beautiful Mother and angel Grandmother as well, it was on this day in May 2019 when he started coming apart at the seams. For that reason, this day will always be a rollercoaster of deep joy and intense sadness for me. He had just gone up to say goodbye to Gia before heading off to work that morning. As he made it to that last step on the way back down, he just stopped there dead in his tracks and started sobbing, much like the day at the kitchen window a few months before. When I asked him what was wrong, the words he spoke were all but paralyzing:

“That whore that gave birth to me just threw me the fuck away. My own mother didn’t want me. She never did. She never will. I really AM a Zack Of Shit!“

{“One Son’s Angel“}