It’s World Suicide Prevention Day, so, it’s only fitting to share this poignant message by Dr. Jordan B. Peterson about “that thing” that no one ever really wants to talk about. Thirty short but very POWERFUL seconds. Watch it for me, please, and in honor of my husband who lost his battle with the black hole of darkness on August 22, 2019, then tell me you didn’t get at least one tear in your eye.

In the meantime, if you’re that person who’s trapped in the throes of the very unpopular monster of mental illness, please know that YOU MATTER, and yes, your absence will be felt … if by no one else, BY ME! You see, like it or not, I am deeply and intrinsically connected to the “Nothing, Everything, and ALL OF IT” of this Big Blue Marble and the The Cosmos that holds and keeps Her spinning, up to and including YOU! Fight the good fight, my friend. You deserve so much more than a life consumed with dark sorrows. I love you.

For the record, thank you so much to the talented musician and author of this song, Mick Blankenship, who I was lucky enough to stumble upon during the even darker sorrow of grief after losing Zack. Not only does it offer an outlet for the avalanche of emotions that can be difficult, if not impossible for someone who’s actually in “the hole” to express (and remind them that they are not alone), likewise does it offer a glimpse into the broken heart, mind, and soul of someone who’s struggling in the darkness, thus helping their loved ones with that all too familiar question:

What is going on in their head?

… or worse yet …

What WAS going on in their head?

Trust me when I say that I know from whence I speak, since I am not just a suicide loss survivor … I’m a suicide attempt survivor, too. I’d be lying if I said that every time I watch this video I don’t literally picture my husband sitting in the front seat of his car with that God forsaken Springfield. I’ve watched it over and over and over and it makes my heart bleed every time. So, I keep on watching it anyway to remind myself of exactly why I literally have to keep fighting this fight and walking towards The Light and not away from it. I’m doing this for him, for me, and the people who truly would feel the absence of “the hole” I’d leave behind if I don’t keep kicking “Pain & Suffering” in the face.

For the record, thank you SO much to the VERY few people who have supported my ASFP Out Of The Darkness Walk in October. There may only be three of you, but your support means the actual world to me and I will be walking my ass off for this cause. And to those of you out there who I have faithfully, loyally, and consistently supported in every aspect of your lives while asking nothing in return … I SAW THAT! Lol, I know that times are tough right now, but don’t tell me you don’t have two dollars and two minutes! Crowd funding WORKS, but in order for it to really work, one has to have a crowd. Where’s my crowd, people?

MY DARK SORROW

Have you tried to fly with broken wings? Imagine the fall … one step from your dream. The wolves are digging at my door …the shadows crawling on the wall … so hollow inside. That’s what takes the pleasure for me … I can’t run anymore. It’s like I’m dying inside. When no one gets your brokenness, you try to hide behind your scars, and I don’t want to care anymore. A little more now that I’m suffering … I’ve opened the door … the darkness of my mind. I’m shaking from the endless cold, but you won’t like where darkness goes, so, run and hide. I don’t know if I can hold on . I don’t know if I can be strong. All I know is what I believe, and I believe the pain in me will be the one to set me free.

{Mick Blankenship}