DECEMBER 6, 2024: “Bulletproof” …

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.

(Carl Jung)

One year ago today, a brave Canadian woman released a love letter of forgiveness to her parents in the form of one of the most truly bittersweet songs I’ve ever heard. Since then, it’s become a moving and emotional part of many of our adult healing journeys with our own parents, and for me, has also become a soliloquy. The powerful words ebb and flow the “circadian” of a relationship with my parents, as well the relationship with my kids.

In the meantime, thank you, Papa, for allowing me the utmost honor and privilege of allowing them to become who they are and not what I or the world tries to tell them to be. If only every child were so lucky, well, then who knows what this world we live in would look like. Hell, who knows what I would have ended up looking like?

And to my dear Mama? It took some time and a lot of self-reflection, but I think I finally got your message. I “see you” now and I love you.

And to my kids? My prayer is always that I didn’t shatter you both irreparably before it was too late to see the error in all my formerly broken ways. Indeed, it is true that I love this hard because of both of you, and while we all know that it’s impossible to go back and change a single thing, this journey I’ve been on has only ever been so that one day when you’re walking in my shoes you’ll pass along at least some of my lessons. Neverthless, I remain … “bulletproof”, thankful, and filled with power and grace. If you ever wonder why I’m bulletproof, it’s ALL because of you. Pray God you’ll one day realize that my goal in this life was only ever to protect and bulletproof you in a world that can be so cruel. I love you to The Moon and back.

Mama? Who would let you down? Who made you think you weren’t enough and filled your soul with doubt? And Dad I needed you around, but what you needed was some space to figure yourself out. Would you go back and do it the same? Did regret make you wanna change? Misunderstood … under appreciated … but did you know I love this hard because of you and I’ve been learnin’ it’s a journey, as I’m walkin’ in your shoes. I’ll pass along all of your lessons. Took some time, but I got your message. If you ever wonder why I’m bulletproof … it’s all because of you.

Oh, I wish that I could say I was the picture perfect sister when you needed me. And we might see it differently, but now we’re old enough to know that we both made mistakes. I’d go back and do it the same. Guess I’m good at takin’ the blame. Misunderstood … under appreciated … but did you know I love this hard because of you and I’ve been learnin’ it’s a journey as I’m walkin’ in your shoes. I’ll pass along all of your lessons. Took some time but I got your message. If you ever wonder why I’m bulletproof, it’s all because of you. Pray God you’ll one day realize that my goal in this life was only to protect and bulletproof you both in a world that can be so cruel.

(Jamie Fine)