In honor of what would have been the late and dearly beloved Bob Newhart‘s 95th birthday today, I give you one of the most brilliant Vaudeville sitcom TV moments in the history of EVER! Meanwhile, if only just “stopping” all our fears, dysfunctional patterns, and destructive behaviors was that easy. Right? Let’s be honest. How many times in childhood did our parents gaslight and confuse us by saying something invalidating to us:

... but, Mommy, it hurts!

(… to which her response would be …)

Oh, stop it now! It doesn’t REALLY hurt, now does it?

Umm, hello?

YES IT DOES!

If you’ve ever done something stupid like hammering your thumb or grabbing a hot pan without using an oven mitt, you probably think you wouldn’t willingly repeat such an action. Yet, metaphorically speaking, we do it all the time! Eating cheeseburgers and curly fries three times a week even though they give us heartburn and send our cholesterol off the richter scale is the equivalent of deliberately hammering our thumbs, is it not? Repeatedly getting involved with people who are emotionally controlling or abusive or staying in a job that demeans, devalues, or bores us is uncomfortably close to reaching for that hot skillet with our bare hands over and over again, is it not? The difference is that the intense pain of physical trauma is immediately obvious. You know you’re hurt, and probably everyone within earshot of your swearing distance knows you’re hurt. But you see, emotional pain isn’t always easy to hear or see. It can sneak up on us slowly and often be disguised as companionship, approval, comfort, familiar, and even our sense of identity. Often, we’re not consciously aware of it, and even when we are, we talk ourselves into making it seem okay:

“It’s not so bad.”

“Things could be worse.”

“It is what it is.”

Am I wrong?

When it comes to breaking destructive behavior patterns, overcoming crippling fear, and challenging painful beliefs and limiting thoughts, can we really “just stop it?” Yes, but with a few caveats. In order to “just stop it”, we have to become aware of the pattern in the first place and be willing to look at “it” unflinchingly and at what our part is in perpetuating it. We’ve got to want to “STOP IT”! The difference between actually stopping it and reflexively repeating it is finding a different thought, pattern, or tool to grab onto when the thing that triggers an old behavior, pattern, or fear rears its ugly head. We’re much more likely to keep grabbing that hot skillet with our bare hands if there isn’t a pot holder when we really need it.

What are the ways in which you keep yourself small, hurt yourself, or let yourself down? As you become aware of them, ask yourself if you’re willing to accept that kind of pain in your life, and if not, what you’re willing to do about it. And then?

STOP IT!

Rest in peace, Bob. You were one in a million and THE deadpan of all deadpans. Yes, I’ll be yelling “STOP IT” to myself and anyone else who needs to hear it for as long as I shall live!