JANUARY 23, 2020: “My Ghost Gang Is To Blame” …

… because who else could I possibly blame for the current state of my broken but still beating heart? How else could I possibly explain what isn’t happening to me in the wake of of all this devastation? While driving home yesterday it hit me once again …

YES I AM A WARRIOR QUEEN!

And let me tell you why …

Most of you probably already know that my husband took his own life at “just before midnight, Thursday, August 22nd“. But what you probably don’t know is where he did it: Exactly .3 miles from the throne he abdicated in a new subdivision that abuts ours. Mind you, the entrance to this subdivision is at an intersection on the main thoroughfare between Parker and Allen. Since the majority of my time is spent in Allen, unless I make a consorted effort to “avoid the intersection” that I love to hate so much I have no choice but to traverse that road often multiple times daily and come face to face with these gut-wrenching, sobering facts:

“That” was the last road he traveled.

“There” was the last turn he ever made.

“Those” were the last things that befell his dying eyes as he headed towards his fate.

I’m not gonna lie …

… in the immediate weeks that followed his suicide, I avoided that road at all costs and had made a firm pact with myself to NEVER drive down it again. After all, what person in their right mind could under the circumstances? So many of my people were highly concerned for me in that regard, and rightfully so.

But here’s the deal …

It’s not me … it’s Him I’m tellin’ ya! It’s ONLY … EVER … HIM (and the “gang” of faithful Heavenly spirits He’s got covering me 24/7, 366 days a year! Call them angels. Call them spirits. Call them whatever you want. All I know is that “whoever they are” or “whatever they are” is very, extremely real to me, and I am infinitely thankful.

GHOST

There’s a ghost. There’s a ghost inside of me. Not like those draped in old bed sheets. Saying “trick or treat”. Different. Oh, this ghost is different. Not one that leaves me scared to death. But one that puts my fear to rest. Oh, holiness keep haunting me. Oh, you’re my hope, you’re my peace. Ironic in a way.  I’m no longer afraid. And the ghost is to blame. There’s a ghost. There’s a ghost inside of me. Not something from some campfire story. Where I’m terrified to sleep. Opposite. This ghost is quite the opposite. He came just like a welcomed friend. And I was comforted. Oh, holiness keep haunting me. Oh, you’re my hope, you’re my peace. Ironic in a way. I’m no longer afraid. And the ghost is to blame. I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid. No longer afraid. {Mercy Me}

6 thoughts on “JANUARY 23, 2020: “My Ghost Gang Is To Blame” …”

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