APRIL 8, 2021: “How Do Ya Like Me NOW?” …

A friend posted this yesterday, and at first glance I LOVED IT, because in so many ways it’s true! Upon further consideration, however, this is where I landed …

Indeed there are those who “knew me a year ago” yet have no idea who I’ve become, but truth being told, there is a better than not chance it’s because I don’t WANT them to know me at all! Why is that you ask? I’ve either outgrown them, seen right through them, or GHOSTED them in my illustrious “growth dust” because they don’t DESERVE to know who I’ve become (with the exception of what they can read or hear online, which is usually either blatantly or cryptically about them. I have decluttered, detoxified, and “de-trashified” my very private bubble by 99.9% to less than couple of handfuls of people left who will ever “GET” to know me.

It’s terrible, I know it. But you see, queens don’t accept scraps, leftovers, and fake ass “less than” BULLSHIT from anyone. I’d rather be “alone but not lonely” here in my tower of hard-earned wisdom for the entire rest of my life on Earth then waste my fleeting, PRECIOUS life breath, energy and effort on anything less than EVERYTHING. To truly know me and my heart is to love me, and many have lost the high honor and privilege of access to my inner sanctum. They’re the “Umm, kinda really sucks to be you – SHOULDA, WOULDA, COULDA” flock of sheep I smugly laugh about and mock who will NEVER be allowed a re-introduction.

Damn, I’m such a biotch!

Sorry, NOT sorry, and I cannot say it enough! For those of you you who have been following my journey, here’s hoping you’ve learned to appreciate the “NICEST bitch you’ll ever know” I am, and more so than that, come to understand that it takes a hell of a lot of effort (OR a lack thereof) to end up on the cutting room floor of my life. I have fully forgiven every person who has forsaken me, but as gracious, empathetic and caring as I am – I’M NOBODY’S REVOLVING DOOR!

That being said, here is something really REAL about me right now: Each night when I pray, I pray for every person, known or unknown, who hasn’t yet found their crown.

Dear God, please help those who haven’t yet discovered their true self-worth and value to finally open their eyes. I know You don’t make trash, but SO many of them think that’s what they are, so they don’t have the wings they need to fly the HELL away from people that don’t deserve them!

Yes, it’s true – I say these words to Him night. Whoever you are, wherever you are, and no matter when or how you arrived at this place where you don’t think you deserve the best of EVERYTHING, let me know share the “Real Cat” spin on the words to one of my favorite songs:

I’m NOT sorry for the demon I’ve become. You should be sorry for the angel you are not. I apologize for the cruel things that I did, but I don’t regret one single word I said. Just walk away, make it easy on yourself. Just walk away – please release YOURSELF from this hell. Just walk away, there’s just nothing left to feel. Forgive me if I ever told you that I cared. Are you now sorry that I NEVER shall be there? Please forgive me for laughing when you fall. I’m so sorry, but I clearly NEVER cared at all. Just walk away, make it easy on yourself. Just walk away, there’s just nothing that I feel. Just walk away, make it easy on us both. Just walk away, there was never any hope. Just walk away, you already know the deal! Just walk away and accept that ALL OF THIS is real. {Five Finger Death Punch}

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