“The Day Of The Brown Grasshopper”
{ME:} Gia, guess what? I caught a grasshopper today! Hey, so, what kind of grasshoppers are brown?
{GIA:} Umm, the locust kind.
Wait! You mean they have such a thing as locust grasshoppers?
No, momma! And if by “they” you mean GOD, no, GOD doesn’t have such a thing as “locust grasshoppers”. He does have LOCUSTS, which LOOK like grasshoppers, but are brown. Lemme see the video you made first before I say for sure, because knowing you, you probably made a silly video.
(60 Seconds Later:) Congratulations, momma! You caught yourself one hell of a beautiful LOCUST!
Wait! Like, the plaguey ones that ate all the corn?
Lol. Yes mom, the plaguey ones that ate all the corn. You’re so pretty! You do know that Dad was probably laughing while you were making friends with your ‘lil brown grasshopper, right?
Yah, yah! But, umm, so, should I put some corn out for it later or something?
(Smacking Her Head:) Yes, mom, you do that. Go get yourself a tiny bowl and make him some tiny corn. I love you. And remember, “Whatsoever is done unto the least of my creation, so, too, shall be done unto thee”.
Yes! God’s gonna lift me up of the ground and put me in the proverbial shrubs of life!
No, mom. God’s gonna just KEEP taking care of you the way He ALWAYS has, the same way you take care of everyone … INCLUDING all His bugs and critters!
… and, with that, THIS is how “the day of the brown grasshopper” made me cry, and once again reminded me that I must be doing something right, ’cause my kid really does think the world of me … “you’re so pretty” and all!
“Bye everyone, it’s me, CAT! I’m the REAL Cat Williamson, resident brown grasshopper catcher and expert, lover of all things big and small, and God’s actual favorite daughter!”
The Diary Of My Perfection 
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