You know, honey, you do that, too … the crying in your chair in private thing! Did you think I didn’t know that’s what you do when you run back into our room? You let yourself fall apart so you can keep it all together for us. It’s one of my favorite things about you.’
{“Blindsided With Rhapsody“}
I pray in it, read in it, cry in it, panic in it, have coffee in it, and had the last meaningful half-day long conversation with Zack while I was sitting in it on the day he took his own life. I swear sometimes I actually see him sitting in it in my dreams just staring at me while I’m sleeping. Sometimes, I see Jesus in it, too.
Fade it out into The Light …
… after all these years, I’ve finally got it right. I’ve learned to give myself full permission to just sit still and hold space for myself whenever I need to let it go. My “panic chair” is THE safest place to do it.
Actually? After I wrap up this Diary entry, imma go and pour myself a giant bowl of Lucky Charms and eat them IN MY CHAIR! Lol! Believe it or not, this silly piece of furniture is one of the most beautifully static parts of my epically messy life. I deeply love, cherish, and will always hold space for her as part of the magnificent tapestry I’m being woven from.
The Diary Of My Perfection 
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