BACKSTORY:

I walked into a local car wash I’ve been patroning for 25 years today. Keep in mind that my sole purpose for even leaving my house in the first place was to go the car wash then Hobby Lobby for the supplies I needed to make the annual Christmas basket I’ll take to the cemetery in the morning for my daughter. I was in a happy, contemplative, and reflective headspace, because having the strength and resilience to bring flowers to my dead child’s grave as often as I do with peace and joy in my heart and not sadness and bitterness is something I’m very thankful for.

Meanwhile, the little bitch who’s been working their register for five or six years and always gives me an attitude no matter how much I try killing her with kindness saw the “Lions Den Live” shirt I was wearing:

“Oh, now it all makes sense,” she said.

“What makes sense,” I asked.

“The Lions Not Sheep people … they all think they’re better than everyone else.”

REALLY?

That’s when Satan jumped IN my actual ass, crawled up my spine, then expelled himself out of my mouth in an abysmal and very public display of vile. Am I disappointed in myself for just handing her my cards and giving her the upper hand? Umm, YAH! I mean, I’m a human, not a machine. Have I gotten over it and forgiven both her and myself? Yes, I have.

A very wise man once said that yet another very wise man once said:

You know, I’ve been asked a couple times why I always write “power and grace” and “love and respect” … It takes two things to make it in this world: Power and grace. Being powerful enough to project and to be assertive and stand for what you stand for, but have it be graceful at the same time, and having gratitude for those that, you know, come in contact with you, and so on and so forth. Love and respect, he said, was the second half of that, because to have power, you have to show those two things ~ love and respect. To have grace, you have to own both of those things ~ love and respect.

(Ivan Moody)

At the end of the day, while I was, indeed, powerful in my assertiveness and standing for what I stand for, I wasn’t at all graceful, loving, or respectful towards those I came in contact with. For that reason, I’ve spent a fair amount of time since then straightening my crooked crown, having a come to Jesus with myself, and recalling messages from my favorite battle anthems as well the voices of my ancestors and Earthen scions. I needed to remind myself that I’m SO much better than the way I behaved.

I’d like to think that if one of my ancestors was standing behind me in that lobby today, they’d have pulled me aside afterwards for a cigarette, a light, and a ‘lil chat that would have prolly gone something like this:

If you’re gonna play the game, girl, you gotta remember to play it right! You already know how to hold ’em, you’ve had to learn the hard way when to fold ’em, but now we just needa work on that “knowing when it’s time to walk away” piece. Umm, hello? Don’t you know who you are? You know damn good and well by now that THE secret to survivin’ is in the art of all the SILENT wars and never countin’ all that money when you’re either sittin’ or standin’ in front of the table!

By the way, if my husband’s ghost was standing behind me today watching all that shit go down, let me tell you that boy must have wanted to kick my ass! Had he been alive still today and standing there with me, he would have kicked my ass, been rightfully disappointed in if not ashamed of me, and would have read me a whole new kinda riot act on the way home from there, if not sooner.

For the record, I’ve already ordered How To Make Shit Happen from Amazon and will most definitely be bringing both it and a “LIONS NOT SHEEP” shirt to her one day next week, at which time I’m told I’ll be getting an apology from her. Regardless of my wresting with myself over the way I was triggered today and how much of an idiot I must have looked while representing both Sean’s brand and my own small but steadily growing platform of “love and light“, no one gets to assume that I or anyone “thinks they’re better than everyone else”, which by the way, is hilarious, since as far as I’m concerned, just her thinking and saying those words out loud to a complete and total stranger, did, indeed, make me “better than her” for at least that moment.