Little do I know this yet, but as I sat through the debut of “The Blind Side” tonight, this movie just enlisted itself in the stoic army of my upcoming journey forever. Regardless of how much of it was fictionally dramatized and reenacted for the big screen and how much of it was actually true, the fact of the matter is that so many of it’s scenes and little wisdom nuggets have somehow unknowingly managed to take root way down deep into my psyche for future references that will be called upon in the moments I don’t see coming yet that will call upon my “charge of courage” in my own Light Brigage:
If you’ve ever seen The Blind Side (one of my favorite movies ever), you know exactly what I’m talking about. It was that moment when she found out that Michael had never had a bed of his own and became flooded with emotions she didn’t want him to see. She went to her room, sat quietly in her chair, and just “allow” herself” to cry for a minute. For all her endless and stoic strength, even she realized the importance of allowing herself whatever self-care and space were necessary to enable her to take care of her family. The funny thing is that I didn’t even realize I was doing “this chair thing” until he began noticing that whenever I was “flooding” with emotions, I’d disappear into our room then reappear a few minutes later. One night when we were watching the movie for the umteenth time in our season together, he finally pointed it out:
“You know, honey, you do that, too … the crying in your chair in private thing! Did you think I didn’t know that’s what you do when you run back into our room? You let yourself fall apart so you can keep it all together for us. It’s one of my favorite things about you.“
(“The Panic Chair“)
Am I courageous? Right now, it doesn’t seem so. At this point in the game I am filled with fears and doubts. Evidently, I am, indeed, one hell of a resilient and savage beast of epic proportion. Only time will tell the tale of where enlies my ultimate task now. Pray God.
The Diary Of My Perfection 
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