JUNE 2019: “Breaking Inside” …

Shards

My husband wrote this in June for Gia because he believed, and it is true, that they shared similarly broken hearts. Now in reading it a second time I realize he was actually writing about himself. Ten years ago my husband saved my life, and hers. But in the end it was him that needed to be saved but I couldn’t do it.

SHARDS

“I finally broke and my mind came undone. My body gave way as I hit the floor. My heart shattered. I lacked the strength to even pick up these pieces as they spilled across the floor while they looked at me in disapproval for the “mess” and inconvenience I made for them, but I gathered them up none the less as the whip cracked and scarred my back pushing me begrudgingly forward. I didnt know what to do with what was left of me. I had never come this far apart. I was just a little [boy]. I just wanted to give up. Lay down. You know the rest. There is a crack deep in my soul that is still healing, but some days I feel as though it is only getting bigger. I thought I would never be strong enough to stand on my own and finally get my “shit” together. Could I find enough love for myself to make these jagged pieces worth putting together? I have looked to find strength in so many ”things” because I feel it is not within me, but deep down inside I know it is there. One day soon I will gather up these pieces again. Fit them together the way the are supposed to go. These shards will become my strength. My protection. My weapons against further abuses of my worth and love. The strength is gathering within me – I’m not little any more! They shoved me on to the path of adulthood and I will show those who have wronged me my wrath, which will only be overshadowed by the furocity of my love that is and was the best thing they will never have known. I spent so much time seeking their approval, when it was MY approval and favor they should have been looking for all along.”

Zachariah Lucas Williamson
~ June 2019 ~

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