On November 23, 2019, last year, I attended my first “International Survivors Of Suicide Loss Day” with the one and only man who ever stepped up as a true father to my husband at the Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas. Of course, we attended to honor my husband’s memory and suicide, but as much to honor my daughter, who in case you didn’t already know, was also suicidal the night that Zack left.
It was a beautiful, symposium style conference intended to be a day of healing, where all those impacted by suicide loss could connect around the lives of their loved ones and the experiences of hope, support, and encouragement. It was a wonderful day that did in fact help solidify my steadfast road to the recovery process that I was headstrong determined to conquer!
At the end of the day, each attendee received a packet of memorial “seedling” paper on which to write intentional messages of love, hope and perhaps even notes to our loved ones. I of course brought mine home, but because of the extremely complicated ways that he hurt her, Gia’s road to recovery was not only delicate, but, strictly on her timing. So, the packet just sat in our windowsill for months.
Without going into details, all I can say is THIS: That “love note” you see above? “I forgive you dad“. IT WAS EVERYTHING! I’m not sure when or if the day will ever come that either myself or she will be able to share everything that really happened in the literal psychosis and insanity that proceeded his death but sufficed to say … my daughter is a phoenix! My daughter is a miracle! My daughter is everything I aspire to be if and when the day ever comes that I decide to grow up.