Thank you so much to anyone who takes the time out of their life to watch my videos or read this Diary. I know that I’m a little too much of everything at timesm and that my open, raw, and transparent vulnerability is not for the faint of heart. There’s an ass for every seat, so, if you don’t like what I have to say, just swipe past me. It’s all good.

In the meantime, I really am trying to be a Light in all this “dark”, and every day I’m a work in my progress. I’m still not sure exactly where my journey is going to take me, and more so than that, whether there even IS a final destination. I’m just thinking that my journey is the destination, and was, therefore, never meant to be ended with a period … only ever a semi-colon … because my story is never going to be over! Even when I’m gone, if I’ve played my cards well, the pebbles I’ve dropped into the ocean that is my life will live through my children and any other lives my story touches.

This weekend has been another important “destination” in my journey, as I have finally put some much needed closure out into the Cosmos with a blog post to the father I’ve been warring with in silence for YEARS. It was something that should have happened a long time ago, lest I be the world biggest living hypocrite with my “it’s all about forgiveness” stance, yet, not forgiving the HURT people who have hurt ME. This morning, I feel lighter than I have in as long as I can remember, regardless of the fact that knowing my father the way I do, there is chance that he will neither read my words or accept them. But, I’ve said them, nonetheless, because it was the right thing for me to do.

Dad, if you ever see this … I LOVE YOU and I’M SORRY!

FREE

The Sun was beating down inside the walls of stone and razor wire as we made our way across the prison yard. I felt my heart begin to race as we drew nearer to the place where they say that death is waiting in the dark. The slamming doors of iron echoed through the halls where despair holds life within its cruel claws. But then I met a man whose face seemed so strangely out of place. A blinding light of hope was shining in his eyes. And with repentance in his voice, he told me of his tragic choice that led him to this place where he must pay the price. But then his voice grew strong as he began to tell about The One he said had rescued him from Hell. He said I’m free, yeah, oh, I have been forgiven. God’s love has taken off my chains and given me these wings. And I am free, yeah, yeah, and the freedom I’ve been given is something that not even death can take away from me. Because I’m free. Jesus set me free. We said a prayer and said good-bye, and tears began to fill my eyes as I stepped back out into the blinding sun. And even as I drove away, I found that I could not escape the way he spoke of what the grace of God had done. I thought about how sin had sentenced us to die, and how God gave His only Son so you and I could say “I’m free, yeah, oh, I have been forgiven. God’s love has taken off my chains and given me these wings. {Steven Curtis Chapman}