DECEMBER 18, 2021: “The Panic Chair” …

Yes, my friends, it was a “Panic Chair” kinda night for me:

If you’ve ever seen The Blind Side (one of my favorite movies ever), you know exactly what I’m talking about. It was that moment when she found out that Michael had never had a bed of his own and became flooded with emotions she didn’t want him to see. She went to her room, sat quietly in her chair, and just “allow” herself” to cry for a minute. For all her endless and stoic strength, even she realized the importance of allowing herself whatever self-care and space were necessary to enable her to take care of her family. The funny thing is that I didn’t even realize I was doing “this chair thing” until he began noticing that whenever I was “flooding” with emotions, I’d disappear into our room then reappear a few minutes later. One night when we were watching the movie for the umteenth time in our season together, he finally pointed it out: ‘You know, honey, you do that, too … the crying in your chair in private thing! Did you think I didn’t know that’s what you do when you run back into our room? You let yourself fall apart so you can keep it all together for us. It’s one of my favorite things about you. You remind me of Leigh Anne so much.’

{“Blindsided With Rhapsody“}

“The Panic Chair“

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve sat in this chair and had a good cry while saying to myself, “I can’t do this anymore”, only to stand back up, wipe my own tears, and keep on doing it. At the end of the day, drowning is NOT an option when you’re a mother, so, TAG, the chair is it! It’s one of the safest places for me to hold space for and collect myself.