On January 31, 2013, I wrote these words on my Facebook page:
If you could carry a cross or a burden SO heavy at times that you thought it would actually kill you, would you do it if you knew that when you finally made it home where you could safely lay it down, you’d be thanking GOD on your hands and knees that He ever gave it to you in the first place, because now YOU can help someone else carry theirs? I say yes, laden me, God. If it was good enough for your Son, it’s good enough for me. Thank You for allowing me to be shattered and broken into so many tiny pieces, because now I am AWARE and PREPARED! I love You.
Thirteen years later (but hey, who’s counting, right?), I wrote THESE words here in The Diary:
… and if I was ever given the cosmic option to somehow go back and unbreak one single piece of my heart or uncarry all of the heavy things I’ve GOTTEN to carry, I can honestly say with every single shred of my beautifully shattered soul that I wouldn’t want to change a things. Besides, if it was good enough for Jesus, it really WAS good enough for me, too, and I’m thankful I was chosen to live this life. Lol. If only that “me” from 11 years ago today who was most likely sitting at the desktop in the tiny little “desk closet” in our one- bedroom PALACE (since I’m fairly certain I didn’t have an iPhone yet at that point) could see me know, she’d be SO fucking proud to see how far we’ve OVERcome the burdens we’ve gotten to bear and how we NOW run headfirst into the storms instead of either running from or denying they exist. Hey, God? Thank You! No, really … THANK YOU! And hey, to my babies? This lightning’s gonna strike right through those hearts of yours again, ’cause this rain ain’t gonna stop, and you’ll feel every drop as they keep on dancing on your heads. But you gotta hold on … you gotta be strong … right here with me if it all goes wrong to keep you from harm … away in my arms … steer you away from the storm! When The Sun won’t come around and your world keeps washing out, I won’t let this love fall down. I’ll carry you. So, let’s run toward waiting lights, ’cause I know there’s better skies ahead. Sands through an hourglass … you’re floods are gonna pass … and we’ll still be standing, hand in hand! Love, Mom (“I’ll Carry Them“)
Feels like I’m standing on the edge of the platform now. Maybe somehow I’ll fall. Walking for miles, inside I know it’s true … this soul has holes like you do. And I watch the train get closer into the station. And I backed up just to get a running start to send me on a permanent vacation … a new destination. Sometimes the only way to save me is by making space for someone else. When I feel the world surround me, can I be the strength for someone else? Hey mister tell me can you hear me, ’cause I’m down and out … maybe just lost and found. And it’s crazy what I’m saying but I’m praying and I don’t know you but maybe you could just hear me out. And I watched the train get closer into the station. And I walked up to the doors and watched them part. And I met this man without a hesitation … a new destination … (Tommy Vext)
The Diary Of My Perfection 
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