OCTOBER 17, 2016: “10-5-82” …

Can you imagine being 20 years old before ever having a “Court Order Delayed Birth Certificate” issued to you, because, in no uncertain terms, your “birthday” didn’t seem to matter? Not your father. Not your “mother”. Not your siblings. NO ONE! Then, adding insult to the original injury and salt on top of the wound, finding out years later that because of the extremely vague details contained on said “birth certificate”, it was theoretically useless? Well, it just so happens that I know a guy … the love of my life … THE KING OF MY HEART … who knows exactly how it feels!

In case you didn’t know by now, my husband’s childhood was less than optimal. His mother all but threw him away beginning the day he was born, then walked left him for good 18 months later, because, I suppose, he wasn’t as “stellar” as his older three siblings who were good enough for her to stick around for. It was only ever him she didn’t want, and trust me when I tell you, it’s been a sobering truth reality for him to wake up to every day. Keep in mind also that almost from the onset of meeting him, and especially once we got married, I’d been asking (if not begging) for the “family” he was left with after “the thing that gave birth to him” kicked him to the curb to please find some pictures of him as a child. Even one. JUST ONE? Does anyone have even ONE picture of this man from his childhood? But I’ve digressed.

Last year, ROCK STAR won us a company cruise to The Bahamas for his outstanding sales achievements, but because we’d be crossing international waters, he needed a US Passport. If you’ve ever gone through that application process, you know this all too well … ya can’t get a passport without a birth certificate! We diligently began by first having to obtain a “certified copy” from the courthouse since, PS, adding even more insult to the aforementioned injuries, his father, who received it from the court way back when, lost it! As in, he couldn’t be bothered to keep hold of it … HE WENT AND FUCKING LOST IT! But I’ve digressed again. So, we got the certified copy and turned it in with the passport application.

APPLICATION DENIED!

To make a very long, complicated, and infuriating story as short as possible, it was denied because to information on the certified copy of the delayed certificate of birth was so vague, lacking even so much as an official time of birth or the signature of the midwife that delivered him, the State Department wouldn’t accept it as valid enough proof that he WAS indeed actually “born”. Eventually, we ended up sitting in the office of our local state representative, Sam Johnson, explaining all the sordid details to his assistant, who ultimately stepped in, worked a little magic, and managed to get him a one-year “temporary” passport so that we’d be sure and make the cruise. But since we are indeed hoping to travel internationally as much as possible if and when time allows, we still had quite a process to go through in order to obtain a full United States Passport, which “process” sent us on a wild goose chase that looked and SOUNDED something like this …

But, Mr. Williamson, in order to issue you a passport, we need your ORIGINAL birth certificate.

I DON’T HAVE MY ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE! THIS IS WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU! The only record of my birth that ever fucking existed is the “Court Ordered Delayed” birth certificate that was sent to my father years ago and he went and fucking LOST IT!

But Mr. Williamson, the information on your delayed birth certificate is just too vague. We need more information. What about the hospital you were born in? Did you check with them? Surely, THEY have an official record of you?

I WAS BORN IN MY PARENTS’ HOUSE IN IRVING, NOT A HOSPITAL! THERE WAS NEVER AN OFFICIAL RECORD OF MY BIRTH, OR, IF THERE EVER WAS A RECORD OF ANY KIND, IT NO LONGER EXISTS, BECAUSE NOT ONLY DID SHE NEVER WANT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE, SHE CERTAINLY NEVER KEPT A RECORD OF ME!

Well, we’ll need some documented proof that you existed in the system. Perhaps some early childhood records such as medical, dental, immunizations, or maybe even a letter from the school district you were enrolled in.

NO ONE KEPT ANY RECORDS OF ME … THIS IS WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU!

Well, what about the Census Bureau? Have you checked with the Census Bureau yet? Or your school district? What about the school district you were enrolled in? Can you get a letter from them?

Why can’t you understand this? NO ONE KEPT ANY RECORDS OF ME! I don’t know how else to explain it to you!

Hmm? Okay, well then how about some school pictures? Are there any school pictures of you? Yearbooks maybe? Do you have any of your childhood yearbooks?

NO ONE KEPT ANY RECORDS OF ME! THIS IS WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU! THERE ARE LITERALLY NO RECORDS OF ME ANYWHERE! NO ONE KEPT ANY RECORDS FOR ME! HOLY SHIT PEOPLE! FML! I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING INSANE!

After well over a year of arduous detective work and emotional pain, not the least of which was the ultimate slap in his already tender face by his “big brother” (who after having been asked for help by my desperate husband answered with a silent NO), my husband finally received his FULL United States Passport valid for ten years until October 16, 2026!

With all of the above being said, I would now like to say this to my KING of a husband who has worked so hard to give me and mine the actual WORLD on a silver platter … the day you were born was indeed one of the miracles of MY life. I love you, Zachariah. I’m so beyond proud to be your wife.

On 10-5-82, the Sun shone a whole lot brighter than it ever had before. Smiling down on me. At only-God knows what time, both hands of time stopped turning and you came waltzing in to change my world for good. And I really don’t know exactly what was going on, but I bet I laughed a lot harder on that day, ’cause my whole world was changing on 10-5-82. On 10-5-82, you breathed your first breath. Suddenly living life meant so much more on the day that you were born. And I didn’t have a clue of all that was transpiring, but I bet the sky was blue and all the world looked new, ’cause everything was changing on 10-5-82.