MARCH 9, 2021: “They Walk Amongst Us” …

Some say forgiveness is for us and us alone, and I agree with that mindset whole-heartedly, with the exception of this one little caveat as far as the full extent of grace I am capable of extending to the TRULY evil “Devil’s Own” that walk amongst us. Yes, I have forgiven my husband’s “mother“, and his “brothers and sisters“, and even that pit viper “nurse” who in her 100% stable, not mentally ill mind, set out to DECIMATE not only my life, but my children’s lives as well.

I made the mistake of “verbal vomiting” to her about some things I’d been through in my life, and my mental illness as well. Trust me when I tell you, she knew exactly what she was doing, and exactly why her threats would work. In “pure evil” style, she used my once paralyzing fear of “what people would think of me” as the power and control in her “I’M GONNA TELL EVERYONE YOU’RE NUTS” game of chicken.

You see, at that point Zack and I were barely getting on our feet and our both our financial resources were extremely limited. Between the promise they would “tell everyone” and the constant “see you in court” threats, Zack and I were foolishly convinced that between my extensive mental health history and the lack of financial resources to fight them if they did take me to court, not only would we be “bled dry” (as my ex-husband used to famously say), but that we lose Gia in the process.

Knowing what I know now, and after everything was said and done, a court battle probably would have turned out in our favor. Was I a perfect mom? NOPE! Was I battling a mental illness? YUP! But was a “danger to society and other people’s children like she called all the moms to tell them? NOPE! Not so much! Meanwhile, I’m here to tell you, it takes a SPECIAL kind of “evil” to just wake up one morning and say, “Let me destroy her for sport because she GAVE me all her cards AND I CAN!”

Perhaps the worst part of what she did was how she even managed to turn Gia’s own father against her in the middle of one of her darkest storms. She had him convinced that, NOPE, Gia wasn’t really “being bullied, shunned and ostracized at school”, but that she too was just making things up as she went along. As a result, her dad believed that she, “like me”, was a lying, manipulating, “story-teller” who was simply jealous of his new girlfriend and her daughter. He refused to protect her. He refused to believe her. He refused to validate the sobering truths and realities about what was happening to her at that school, which to this day is a deep source of trauma to my daughter. She has “forgiven” her dad for the many ways he chose to stand in the corner of “that thing” and her daughter instead of hers, but trust me, she has never forgotten, nor will she ever.

THIS is what evil looks like:

It depends on where you are in your journey, whether or not you have fortified your “mental wealth” to IMPERMEABLE, and WHO you are disclosing your illness to. After my clinical diagnoses, while I was still in the early stage of my healing and recovery process, I made the grave mistake of sharing it with my ex-husband’s girlfriend. Not only was she in nursing school at the time, but she claimed to have had a background in the study and understanding of clinical psychology as well, so I really thought I could trust her. “First do no harm”, right? Well, just as sure as you’ve heard it said that “the devil will often appear disguised as everything you’ve ever wanted or needed”, she befriended me from out of the clear blue sky at a time when I was both mentally and physically down and out and desperately needed a friend. On the surface she was kind and thoughtful, and quickly availed herself to my process, always eager to lend an ear and whatever “support” she could offer. What I didn’t realize, however, is that what she was really doing was collecting information to use against me at a later time, which, in fact, SHE DID!

Quite early on in their relationship (which, for the record, I SET UP), things began spiraling between her and my ex. Neither of my kids could stand her (and STILL can’t to this day), as it was beginning to appear that ulterior motive behind her intentions was purely financial. Within two weeks of beginning to date, she all but moved her things into his house, and her rapid “indiscretions” within earshot of my son and his girlfriend (who were living at my ex’s at the time) didn’t help her case at all. Let’s put it this way … “that” was five years ago, but the nights of “her loudly moaning and screaming” (as if she wanted them to hear her) and the headboard banging against the wall are STILL the subject of fodder at many of our family dinners. Very long and disgusting story short, when things weren’t going exactly the way she wanted, she took all that information she collected – the weaknesses and vulnerabilities I’d shared with her from a truly trusting place- and bludgeoning me with it ALL! She began threatening to “tell everyone” at our very small private school about my “institutionalized nervous breakdown” and that I was a “Girl Interrupted borderline”. (Yes, that’s true by the way – I AM!) She incorrectly believed that I was the one responsible for turning my kids against her, as well as all the other moms at our school, and kept assuring me in no uncertain terms that “if I didn’t stop causing her problems”, SHE WAS GONNA TELL! She EVEN threatened to contact the Texas Real Estate Commission and my brokerage in attempt to have my real estate license stripped from me.

Fast forward to one day on the school playground where a group of fourth grade girls (who this woman’s daughter had overtly caused to socially shun and ostracize my daughter) surrounded my beautiful baby girl in a circle and proceeded to ask her: “Is it true that your mom is a sociopath and was in a mental hospital and she’s dangerous to be around?” Yes, my Quora friends, this is an absolutely true and verifiable reality! My right hand to God — IT HAPPENED! That pretty little VIPER had indeed called all the moms and spilled my beans for me. For the record, THAT day on the playground was the catalyst for my daughter’s “suicidality”, which in an EXTREMELY turn was one of the lynch pins in my husband’s ACTUAL suicide.

So, with that, I say to all of you reading this :: JUST BE CAREFUL WHO YOU SHARE YOUR ILLNESS WITH unless and until you are prepared for any potential backlash. Find a support system you can “trust with your life”! YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED TO HAVE “SAFE PEOPLE” YOU CAN LEAN ON! You CANNOT and SHOULD NOT make your mental health recovery journey alone! But just remember that there ARE people out there who prey on other people’s darkness in order to make themselves, well, “GOD”. I call them “the Devil’s Own”!

Thank you all for listening, and by the way – HI EVERYONE! IT’S ME, “THE REAL” CAT WILLIAMSON! Yes, I am a recovering Borderline! Yes, I’ve had a nervous breakdown! No, I’m not ashamed of it ANYMORE! Yes, I’m a frigging BADASS now! And NOPE, I don’t care “who knows it”! But it took me a LONG time, A LOT of hard work, an a handful of unconditionally loving “safe people” for me to get here. I pray that for any of YOU who are just beginning your own journey to “the other side of the storm”.

{My response to the Quora question “Should you disclose your mental illness to others?”.}

Matthew 6:14 says: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

Timothy 3:1-5 says: “There will be times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self and of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.”

“Real Cat” says:

I really can forgive ANYONE for ANYTHING, and as God is my witness, I HAVE! But I’ll just keeping taking people on a case by case basis. The Devil’s Own really do walk among us, but I’m not even sure they’re “people”. They’re a different kind of breed altogether. I’m not quite sure I’ll ever get to the point that I stop avidly praying that God really DOES sort us all out in the end. I’m just a mortal human, not a god or Jesus Christ, so I’ll just keeping asking for “forgiveness” for not being too excited about the idea of “mercy for the merciless”.

PURE EVIL

Wipe that smile off your face you immaculate disgrace, ’cause Heaven knows a prayer won’t save you now. You wear the halo of a saint to hide the venom of a snake, built your kingdom on a lie, so watch it all come crashing down! Now! You prophet of hate. You profit from faith. Truth-less, two-faced, two bit fuckin’ hypocrite, how does it feel? How does it feel? The day has come to pay for what you’ve done. Sinner revealed. Tell me how does it feel? So pure within your soul. Pure evil if your blackened heart believes in the righteous words you speak. You know Heaven will send hell for you and bring you to your knees … pray as your throne burns slowly. Now how does it feel? {Like A Storm}