Long story short? I don’t think anyone really knows how fucking CRUEL the world can be until you’ve had to grow up and protect your children from your own “family”.
If YOU are one of us who is fighting desperately to change your family’s legacy, I’m truly sorry that you’re having to spend your adulthood fixing things you didn’t break so that your children can have a better future. “The battle that lies within you” is not for the faint of heart, and I FEEL YOU! Stay strong. Keep the faith. RISE ABOVE! Oh, and by the way, “malignant parent” who is reading this right now, always remember that how your kids treat you when they no longer need you is a direct reflection of how you treated them when they needed you to survive.
I have long believed that the truth of just about anything can be found in all the questions you aren’t allowed to ask. A more sobering truth, however, is that often the person refusing to allow “the questions” we so desperately need answers to is the one we face in the mirror. With that being said, I cannot encourage anyone who’s searching for the reasons they’re sinking to the abyss strongly enough to do that most important work of all, which is to sit with yourself in solitude and have what just may be the most important conversation of your life.
‘Who, what, when, and where do I need to let go of so that I can finally learn to breathe again?’
Listen up, my parent friends, and listen up real good! We only get them for eighteen years. Actually, make that sixteen once they get their driver’s licenses. None of them ever signed up for this shit show … WE SIGNED UP FOR THEM. So they shouldn’t have to sacrifice a single fucking thing so WE can have the lives we want. WE should make the sacrifices so that our KIDS can have the lives they DESERVE! There is nothing that should ever come between us and them. Not a job. Not a dream. Not a hobby. Not an education.
NOT EVEN “THE LOVE OF OUR LIFE”!
Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, who tries to put YOU between them and YOUR children? THAT would be a deal-breaker, people, and that is NOT “the love of your life”!
Honey, I love you, but it’s me or them …
… to which your response should be …
“Well, then don’t let the door hit you in the ACTUAL fucking ASS!”
Does that mean we aren’t entitled to have those things—the jobs, dreams, hobbies, educations, and the loves of our lives? OF COURSE NOT! But here’s the deal: KIDS FIRST! US LAST! Period. End of story. The years with them at home will be over before we know it, and thenit’s OUR time to fly! The sky’s the limit, but not at the expense of the wings we clip, mangle, twist, and BURN when we’re more worried about our wings than theirs.
“Failure To Fly”
Look, I’m no doctor, but I am willing to bet that more “failed flights” than not are due in part to selfish parents who failed to make their kids a priority. I’m sorry that I’m notsorry if that’s kinda hard to swallow, but the truth does hurt, does it not? Let’s not be stupid and squander the fleeting time we have with them at home. More than that, let’s not be “those parents” that the parents who do sacrifice to put their kids first talk badly about behind our backs. WORST OF ALL, let’s not be “those parents” whose KIDS will one day be talking about to their kids—telling them all the things we did or didn’t do, and how our selfish parenting landed them in therapy and medicated because we shattered their fragile hearts like glass.
There are certain crimes against humanity that are deserving of such flagrant disapproval and reproach. ASSHOLE PARENTS ARE ONE OF THEM! For the record, I too have been guilty of some not-so-stellar, very selfish parenting. I’m not EVEN gonna sit here and lie! But guess what? I grew up, WOKE UP, and took a sobering look at the wreckage I’d gifted to the undeserving kids I allowed to become casualties of both my war withinand my war abroad. After breaking apart for a not-so-hot minute or two, I looked into the mirror at the little girl who knew exactly how it felt to be on the losing end of an unavailable parent. My guilty conscience took care of the rest. I sat down with both my kids at different times and at stages appropriate to their age and understanding and had the hardest and most awkward conversations of my life:
Kids, I’m sorry, but mommy TOTALLY fucked you over! Let me tell you how …
At which point I owned it all, accounted for everything, APOLOGIZED, and then vowed to start doing better. Never again will my kids be second to anything or anyone … NOT EVEN MY OWN DAMN SELF!
This song is one of the best “selfish parent serenades” of all time. If you’ve ever been guilty of misappropriating the gift of parenthood, it may twist you up inside the same way it twisted me the first time I heard it. That being the case, do yourself a favor and change your parenting story immediately. Talk to your kids and fill their precious ears with only the most beautiful words. Validate their wounds. Accept them as they are.
If we keep burning the bridge between us and our children, eventually they may learn that loving us from a distance is the only way to survive the smoke.
For the record, no matter what seemingly unforgivable parenting mistakes you’ve made – or how old your children are – it’s never too late to own it, account for it, apologize, and start doing better. As long as you’re breathing and so are they, JUST FIX IT!
BURNING IN THE SKIES
For me, “Burning in the Skies” is the sound of accountability after the fire—the realization that some bridges burn because of what we did, and that healing starts when we stop pretending otherwise.
