JANUARY 28, 2020: “The Most BEAUTIFUL Fog I’ve Ever Seen” …

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“Nettie, no need to cry. Let me wipe those tear drops from your eyes. In the dark bathed in Cathode ray blue, Miss Red Hook of 1922, weeping silently for the pain of others. Every night a tearful rosary, a victim of the curse of empathy. Her reward of compassion is to suffer. Nettie, no need to cry. Let me wipe those tear drops from your eyes. My short coming I know I caused her grief. Still she loves me. This I can’t believe! Responding not with anger but a prayer, Heaven’s just Southwest of Cobbil Hill. True. I am the son of an angel. Maternally, not one woman compares. Nettie, no need to cry. Let me wipe those tear drops from your eyes. If you fall, I will catch you. When you’re lost, I’ll be there soon. Far away, but of course near. When you’re sad I am always here. Thank you from saving me from myself. Your compassion became its own hell. Unequivocally Beautiful inside and out. Without a doubt. Nettie, no need to cry. Let me wipe those tear drops from your eyes.” ~ Type O Negative

One of my greatest treasures in life is the way my son communicates with me and only me by simply sending me music. He’s been doing it since age 16 after I finally left our home in desperate search of a different ending to this story. His messages come at the most random times, and often in the wee hours of the morning, which is always bittersweet because as every parent knows, “3am texts from your kid” can often invoke nightmarish fears that no one but a parent can understand. Thanks be to GOD that regardless of the piercing alarm that goes off inside my heart every time I hear his text tone in the dead of night, so far they’ve only ever been his “communications”.

His latest message arrived this morning at the absolute craziest moment, and the instant I got it every ounce of adrenaline in my body dumped right back into my soul in all the most beautiful ways. I was standing at the end of my driveway in an abyss of fog like none I’d ever seen, with no idea why I’d been so compelled to walk right into and stare at it. As you read in my response to him above, “I wasn’t sure how it was making me feel. Maybe a little lost, but maybe a little not”. Yet something made me want to take it’s picture, and as shown in the text, as soon as I held the camera up to take the shot his text appeared on my screen. What in the actual HE JUST DID THAT, DIDN’T HE? And no, I don’t mean Christian. It was Him! It was God. Or maybe my husband. Or my Angel. Or “someone” infinitely beyond this realm in which I exist set that ethereal moment up just for me. The Cosmos was beckoning me with it’s “message in the fog” at that one perfect moment in time and no one will ever convince me otherwise! After I took the picture, I just stood there in a trance listening to the song. Yes, it’s dark, and indeed very tragic, but oh my GOD is it ever beautiful, and such is the story of my life! Its haunting chords called me back to the shore like a foghorn on on the darkest night night, and what are the chances that something like this would happen “out of the grey” the way it did?

It’s half past one here in Dallas and as I wrap this up, the fog is starting to lift. As forlonging as it seemed when it greeted me this morning, I’m almost sad to see it go, because as soon as I received this cryptic message from deep within his soul it enveloped me in the most comforting blanket of emotions I think I’ve ever known. My kids truly are my most beautiful work of art, and despite the many circumstances that have dampened some of our days, I believe with every shred of my being that they are going to be okay. I’m his “Nettie”, I am loved, and I am the luckiest woman on this planet.

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