JULY 23, 2020: “Closer To The Heart” …


And the men who hold high places must be the ones who start to mold a new reality closer to the heart … The blacksmith and the artist reflect it in their art. They forge their creativity closer to the heart. Yes, closer to the heart … Philosophers and plowmen – each must know his part to sow a new mentality closer to the heart … You can be the captain and I will draw the chart sailing into destiny closer to the heart. {Rush}

I dropped Gia and a friend at the mall today to get them out of the house and let her spend some of her birthday money. When I picked them up, they jumped in the car with a small boatload of shopping bags each.

Just WAIT until you see everything I bought, Mom! I’ll do the grand unveiling when we get home!

Not two minutes had passed after walking in the door when she excitedly started the “unveiling”, but in true Gia style, she’d saved the best three treasures for last. As she pulled them out of their respective bags, my heart all but burst out of my chest! She had a Batman, a Venom, and the “Farewell To Kings” vinyl with one of my favorite Rush songs ever on it, “Closer To The Heart”!

She really IS her mother’s daughter!

HOLY SMOKES, BATMAN! Have you heard anything I’ve said? He is and always will be my hands-down favorite superhero, although technically he’s not a superhero. He’s a mortal man with no magic powers who epitomizes the endless possibilities of the human spirit and metamorphosis under less than optimal conditions and unyielding pressure. He’s the benchmark of achievement through heart, soul, discipline, and determination – the juxtaposition of light to dark, and ying to yang. Batman became who he needed to become by pulling himself out of himself for the betterment of mankind. My daughter feels the same way about Batman, by the way, and he is her favorite non-super superhero, too. We both have capes, you know? You can’t see them, ’cause they’re invisible.

VENOM! Again, have you heard anything I’ve said? Let me fill you in on the “Venom” of it all by first clarifying who he is. There’s a great deal of debate in the Spider-Man community in this regard. Is Venom also Spider-Man … is he just Venom … or is he both? Factually, the Venom movie has no correlation to Spider-Man, but within the Marvel comics, it’s complicated.

Venom made his first appearance in 1984 as a new Spider-Man suit the “Secret Wars” storyline when Spider-Man came into possession of a mysterious new black suit that gave him extra powers, which suit is later revealed to be a malevolent alien symbiote that attached itself to Peter Parker. Although Peter soon rid himself of the suit because of its inherently evil nature and propensity to channel an inner darkness inside himself that he doesn’t want to channel, the symbiote ended up bonding with Eddie Brock, a reporter with a serious grudge against Spider-Man. Eddie Brock and the black suit then became symbiotically bonded as Venom. So then, no, Venom is not Spider-Man. “The suit”, however, does to me represent the dark alter ego of Spider-Man. It’s a thick, black, suffocative web of enmeshed and entangled emotions that overtakes and chokes the life out of its host, much like the one I fought so desperately to get the HELL off of me for more than forty years, the one my son still wears, and the one my beautiful husband was wearing as he slipped away into the abyss. “The Greatest Battle Lies Within” and the accompanying “Venom of it all” are so much more than words and comic book movie characters to me. And my daughter feels the same way!

Last, but not least, let’s get a little “closer” to my heart! I’ve always loved this album. “A Farewell To Kings“? Of course, there’s not a bit of irony with this in the circadian life I live, nor a need for me to go any further. The words speak volumes on their own. Sufficed to say, her little shopping spree today brought us even closer than we already were.

Dear God,

Thank you for EVERYTHING! The good, the bad, the yings, the yangs, the pain, the beauty, and even the precious gifts You sent that I had to send on back. Thank you for the pretty black suit I had to wear for all those years. Ripping it the fuck off and finally being free wouldn’t have seemed as exhilarating if I hadn’t “gotten” to wear it in the first place. Thank you for the cape you wove for me as I’m flyin’ around in Gotham just tryin’ to be a Light in all this Dark! With each passing day, I’m growing closer to YOUR heart most of all! With love … as always …

~ Your Favorite Daughter

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