JULY 23, 2020: “Closer To The Heart” …


“And the men who hold high places must be the ones who start to mold a new reality closer to the heart … The blacksmith and the artist reflect it in their art. They forge their creativity closer to the heart. Yes, closer to the heart … Philosophers and plowmen – each must know his part to sow a new mentality closer to the heart … You can be the captain and I will draw the chart sailing into destiny closer to the heart.” ~ Rush

Once again, I’m overwhelmed with overwhelmingness, which is a good thing of course! Tonight, I’m trying to catch back up with myself here at my desk. So, with that …

This afternoon I dropped Gia and one of her friends at the mall for a few hours to get them out of the house and let her spend some of her weekend birthday haul. When I arrived at the appointed meeting spot, they jumped into the car with the small boatload of shopping bags they each had in their hands. “Whoa, looks like you both did some damage I see! What did you get?” “Oh but WAIT until you see Mom! You’ll have to wait until we get home so I can do an unveiling ceremony!”

When we finally got home, she excitedly started the “unveiling”, but saved the best three items for last. When she pulled them out of their respective bags, my heart literally LEPT out of my chest! Batman, Venom and “A Farewell To Kings” vinyl with one of my favorite Rush songs EVER … “Closer To The Heart”? She is her mother’s daughter! Let me break it down …

BATMAN. Have you listened to anything I’ve said? Batman is and always will be my MOST favorite superhero of all times, although he’s not really a “superhero” at all! He’s a mortal man born with no magical powers or gifts who epitomizes the endless possibily of a triumphant human spirit and metamorphosis under even the most dismal conditions. He’s the benchmark standard for achievement through commitment, discipline, heart, soul, and determination. He’s the juxtaposition of “light with dark”, “positive with negative” and “ying to yang”. BATMAN BECAME WHO HE WANTED TO BECOME BY PULLING HIMSELF OUT OF HIMSELF FOR THE BETTERMENT OF ALL MANKIND! So, yes, HOLY SMOKES BATMAN! My daughter knows what I know, and yes, Batman is her favorite superhero too. She and I both have black capes on our backs by the way. You just can’t see them BECAUSE THEY’RE INVISIBLE!

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VENOM. Again … have you listened to anything I’ve said? Well, for those of you who don’t know or understand the “Venom” of it all (or as I often refer to it, “the Black Spider-Man suit of it all”), let me explain by first clarifying who he is. There is much debate amongst the Spider-Man community as to who Venom is. “Is Venom actually Spider-Man? Or is he just Venom? Or is he both?” Factually speaking, the Venom movie has absolutely no relation to Spider-Man. Within the pages of Marvel Comics however, it’s a somewhat complicated storyline.

Venom first made his appearance in 1984 as a new Spider-Man suit the “Secret Wars” storyline when Spider-Man came into possession of a mysterious new black suit that gave him extra powers, which suit is later revealed to be a malevolent alien symbiote that attached itself to Peter Parker. Although Peter soon rid himself of the suit because its inherently evil nature and propensity to channel an inner darkness inside himself that he doesn’t want to channel, the symbiote ended up bonding with Eddie Brock, a reporter with a serious grudge against Spider-Man. Eddie Brock and the black suit then became symbiotically bonded as Venom. So then, no, Venom is not Spider-Man. “The black suit”, however, does to me represent the dark alter ego of Spider-Man. It’s a thick, black, suffocative web of enmeshed, entangled and toxic emotions that overtakes and chokes the life out of its host, much like the black Spider-Man suit I fought so desperately to get the HELL off of me for more than forty years of my life, the one my son still wears, and the one my beautiful husband was wearing as he slipped away into the abyss. So, yes, “The Greatest Battle Lies Within” and the accompanying “Venom of it all” are so much more than words and comic book movie characters to me. And my daughter feels the same way!

… and finally …

“CLOSER TO THE HEART”. I’ve always loved Rush and I’ve always loved this album. “A Farewell To Kings”? Really? No, of course there’s not a shred of irony in my beautifully chaotic life, is there? Lol! No need for me to really go any further with this, as the words to this song speak volumes to the connection between me and my daughter. Her unintentionally “purposed” shopping spree today brought us even closer than we already were.

DEAR GOD: THANK YOU! For everything. No, I really mean it. THANK YOU! For the positive. The negative. The yings. The yangs. The pain. The beauty. The love. The hate. The gifts You sent that I had to give back. THANKS EVEN FOR THAT DAMNED BLACK SPIDER-MAN SUIT I HAD TO WEAR FOR ALL THOSE YEARS! Taking it off and finally being free wouldn’t have seemed so, FREEING, if I hadn’t gotten to wear it in the first place. And thank you for the cape you wove for me as I’m flyin’ through Gotham just tryin’ to be a Light in all this Dark! Every second … every minute … every hour … I’m growing closer to YOUR heart most of all! 


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