BEAR WITH ME …
… ’cause this one’s gonna BEE long! Some days I awaken with a complete loss of words, but then the Cosmos wraps me in it’s exquisite cloak and shows me exactly what needs to be said. Like this morning, while having my coffee in “the chair” and scrolling through social media, when a friend of mine posted this:
Men, this really is what women want. Even if you cannot provide all of the finances that he speaks about. Thank you Earnest Fenton …
“HOW I DATED, PLANNED, AND MARRIED MY WIFE”
DATED (0-11 MONTHS): I showed up at her job with lunch; I dropped her off at work when it was snowing; I cleared my space early on and gave her my undivided attention; I found out what interested her …
ENGAGEMENT (1 YEAR): I paid off all of her personal debt (before we were married). I didn’t want money to be of concern to her; I told her how much money I had; I told her how much money I make; I created a trust for both of us; I put some “carats” on her finger that represents what she represents to me …
MARRIAGE (1.5 YEARS LATER): I setup a multiple six figure life insurance policies (if something untimely happens to me, money WILL NOT be her issue); I took her to several countries – because: If she is “my world”, I should show her “the world”! I work our plan daily -t o retire her 5-10 years EARLY! I make certain her car is serviced, cleaned and gassed up; When she joins a challenge, I often join w her (if she is getting more fit, WE getting more fit); I empty garbage, scratch her back; rub her feet and run bath water, if needed; I do not cook, but I told her, “You will always eat with me”; I work hard every day and walk through the door like nothing happened; When my wife calls, I ANSWER; We have housecleaning (she can phone whenever she pleases) and a cook for every holiday (because my wife works and I don’t want her tired); She never has to guess where I am – I’m consistent and transparent; I keep a petty cash drawer stocked so she’ll always have cash available; If my wife looks like she’s uncomfortable with you, you are gone (I gotta get rid of ya! Lol, but not).
MY PHILOSPHY AND MORAL:
A man will never reach his fullest potential without the presence of a GOOD WOMAN! To short her is to short self! To deny her is to deny self! WE DO NOT PLAY SMALL, WE ARE ALL IN!
♥️ ♥️ ♥️
Umm, I have no idea who this “Ernest” guy is, but as I was reading his words, I got butterflies and the biggest smile. He was literally writing the story of us, “The Frog & The Butterfly“. “This man” was Zack. There wasn’t a thing on his list my husband didn’t do, become, or make happen for me, and that, my friends, is the truth. But then something else happened. Listen to a few of these what in the actual FUCK comments on her post …
A lot of this makes me uncomfortable. He is too focused on money. Sounds like he was hovering and controlling. Maybe in real life it is all good, but reading this sounds like he was trying to buy her feelings.
Not sure this sounds like an equal partnership. Sounds like a control freak to me.
Very sad. That’s not love, that’s predominantly a business arrangement.
I have to agree with you… it looks like everything is HIS responsibility… and what about her? What’s her responsibility on the relationship?
Umm, REALLY? So, let me break this down for you by speaking in “Five Agreements”:
If you’ve learned anything about Zack in this Diary, it’s that ZERO was his focus on money and ZERO did he attempt to buy my feelings. His focus was on being the best man he could be from the literally the minute he said I love you way back at the beginning of this story when he was just a broke ass frog with big dreams. His focus was me and my daughter, who for the record, he took FULL responsibility for from day one bringing us home to that tiny apartment the morning after we got hitched in a theatre room with only two silver bands and no “carats”. Yet, in the eleven short but powerful years of our season he managed to check off every single item on that list, such that even in his “untimely death” the only jobs I will ever have to do are continue healing, take care of our daughter, and savor every day to the fullest. That is what he wanted, and that is what he’ll have. You see, my husband died a king, broken though he was, and make no mistake, regardless his accomplishments and what “things” he left behind, he was a king right from the start. Especially that night he carried my broken body, mind, and heart over the threshold of his humble home. There was no guarantee for all the promises he made, but he ALWAYS DID HIS BEST, because …
… he unconditionally loved me, as did I love him, and that’s how we became a king and queen. He was not a control freak, and we were never a “business arrangement”! Lol, the only dowry he got from my family (who all but forbade me to marry him because he was BROKE) was $32k in debt, an unemployable wife who had just had a nervous breakdown and two kids. Truth being told, our partnership was anything but “equal”. WE SERVED EACH OTHER! My needs came before his, his needs came before mine, and thus the exchange of power. We shared the yoke equally, but in vastly different ways. He did his work, I did mine. We built this kingdom together, and even despite the way he left, he was and will remain a king in his own right, and I the queen who reigns proudly in his honor.
With all that now being said so “impeccably” with my words, I can’t take any of those less than impeccable words so personally. What harsh, unmerited, and assumptive judgments of how another king has chosen to cherish his queen. I say “almost”, because I am still living this very dream as a true and loving testament to the reality of his words. But you see, a fool can’t know what they don’t know if they’ve never actually walked in these shoes.
They don’t know that all Zack ever wanted was to give us everything, not just “things”. They don’t know how thankful he was to finally have a home, no matter how big or small, because he knew too well not only what it was like not to have one, but even more so how it felt to be unvalued, disregarded, and left behind. He knew how it felt to lack a single person’s unwavering blind faith in him or belief that he wasn’t the “Zack of shit” they always said he was in the life he lived before us.
All of which leads me to this last but not least “Fifth Agreement”. Of course, they’re skeptical, and of course they doubt. So much of what we hear is untrue. But these people don’t know my truth, and perhaps they never will. They don’t understand that the legacy of a great monarch is not all the treasure left behind in the trove, but “the crown and scepter they wielded in their soul” that lives on to light the paths of their kingdom infinitely.
So, instead of letting the nasty comments of truly ignorant people belittle and invalidate the integrity and intention of one of the best men, husbands and fathers this world has ever known, instead I’ll just pray that someday they too will “know what I know”, because its honestly quite sad that they don’t. God doesn’t make anything but kings and queens to rule in this realm He created, so we should love others, and especially our spouses, just as He loves us – ALL IN!
Still, what are the chances that everyone will know the treasure of a spouse that loves like this? You can lead a fly to honey, but no matter how much a bee tries to tell the fly how sweet it is, most flies have only either seen, tasted or landed on death or piles of shit. Shit is what they like because shit is all they’ve known, so shit indeed it is. Been there. Done that. It took me almost 40 years to understand how love is supposed to “bee”, that indeed it truly exists, and that unless and until you’ve finally tasted honey – SHIT IS WHAT YOU SURVIVE ON! Damn! How did this go from kings and queens to bees, flies and SHIT? Lol. Welcome to the mind of a genius! Love me or hate me, it is what it is. If you don’t like what I have to say, not only do I not really care, but it’s also none of my BEES-ness anyway.
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