Everything in time … set your eyes upon the shallow surface. Hollow out your mind … how divine you – disengage yourself. Tell me. Tell me of your consolation. Tell me I am lost in the gray. Tell me that your final home is not a shot in the dark. Tell me that your hopes and dreams don’t end in the heart of a graveyard. Set aside your soul. Let tomorrow realize itself. Brace for the ending you may not see. Will you stop descending? Six shallow feet.

(“Heart Of A Graveyard”)

Year Four.

And while it’s true that his physical body left us at “just before midnight” on this day in 2019, as far as I’m concerned, he started dying the slow and painful death of “never really living” the minute he was born to the “mother THING” that left him in his own remains, then his heart seemed to have stopped beating just 224 days earlier. Nevertheless, I will never stop believing that his final Home was neither the heart of a graveyard or the very beautiful jar that rests atop my nightstand, because I know what he believed and am hopeful:

This book. It was the first thing I noticed the first time I’d ever gone to his place, just sitting on a table next to the giant Chewbacca head he’d worn to a costume party the year before. Lol! He loved that flipping thing so much that he’d made it a part of the decor. Meanwhile, I vividly remember my internal nod to Heaven: “REALLY, God? This is SOMETHING, isn’t it? HE is something, isn’t he? How little did I know that despite the less than stellar ending, the garden I planted with that king was not only the stuff of fairytales, but a season that will remain in my mind’s eye eternally.

{“In My Mind’s Eye“}

He got lost … God didn’t lose him … and I literally thank God all the time that this was one of his favorite songs. Lol. I can literally hear him belting it out loud in the car right now as I’m writing this and smiling! Pray GOD he finally made it Home to his Shack.