Gia and I watched “The Shack” again last night, which by the way, if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend that you do. It’s the story of a fictional tragedy that causes a father to crash into a dark depression and question everything about his faith until he receives a mysterious letter that insights his journey to “a shack” that reignites his bludgeoned soul back to The Truth.

When it first hit the box office in March of 2017, Zack, me, Gia, and Christian, went to see it as a family. I had already read the book when I was at The Meadows, and then again on one of my truck-driving scoots to Kansas, but when I heard about the movie release, I immediately bought our tickets, because I just needed them all to see it. It was a powerful night for the four of us together, and like many other people in the theatre that night, we all just sat silently in tears until well after the lights came on and the clean-up crew started their sweep. It seemed to hit Christian the hardest, and at one point, the three of us were all huddled around him in his seat just holding him as he literally was sobbing his eyes out.

Meanwhile, one of the most powerful parts of the movie for me was a song I love called “Stars”, by Skillet. It’s about the blind faith of a true believer who trusts that God is in control of everything. That’s me. Hands down, without question, hesitation, or doubt, I KNOW HE’S GOT THIS!

Those who know me well know that I’m a gamut of emotions that often mimic a gauntlet. I can be kind and loving, empathetic and caring, and fiercely protective of those who are in my bubble. But I can also be a raging, angry, LUNATIC of a bitch with a vicious tongue that will take you to your knees if you’re the one facing the truth behind my words in a mirror. I will forgive anything “human” 200% of the time, but never shall I forget those who hurt me or mine. My point being that although I can appear extremely dark at times, and as God Himself is my witness, I live, breathe, and will die by the message of Hope in this song. So please don’t let my dark side poke holes in my testimony. At the end of the day, I’m still just a broken person who wants to live a life of use to others and is trying her best to be as “Light” as possible under any circumstance.

If you are struggling with brokenness, depression, or “darkness” of your own, please listen to the words of this song. God may have His hands full with all the big stuff … BUT … He does know who you are. He does know your name. He does bear your pain. He does cry when you cry. And by the way, please don’t forget to LET YOURSELF CRY as often as necessary so that you can release any internalized pain that’s keeping you from taking flight:

By the way, it’s okay to feel sadness and grief for the things that have died inside of you, and it’s certainly okay to cry. Now that I think of it, it’s such a blessing that one of my favorite verses in the Bible also happens to be the shortest: JOHN 11:35: Jesus wept. CRY AS OFTEN AS YOU NEED TO! Get mad! Scream out loud! Do whatever you must to let yourself feel everything that has hurt you so you can finally let it go!

{“REOPENING A GIFT ~ APRIL 21, 2008“}

Look at me, people! Shouldn’t I be curled up in a ball right now in the aftermath of what happened 180 days ago? Been there. Done that. I’ve run off and hid in “my shack” way too many times to count, but He comes looking for me EVERY time!! He always has and always will, and that, my friends, is The Truth. In the meantime, I’ll just keep looking to the stars and praying that the king of my heart who was never able to resolve the pain that had been devouring him for the entirety of his life has been given an even better set of wings and THE best Guide of all to lead him to his shack in Heaven.

STARS

You spoke a word and life began. Told oceans where to start and where to end. You set in motion time and space. But still You come, and You call to me by name. But still You come, and You call to me by name. If You can hold the stars in place, You can hold my heart the same. Whenever I fall away. Whenever I start to break. So here I am, lifting up my heart to The One who holds the stars. The deepest depths, the darkest nights. Can’t separate, can’t keep me from Your sight. I get so lost, forget my way. But still, You love and You don’t forget my name. If You can hold the stars in place, You can hold my heart the same. Whenever I fall away. Whenever I start to break. So here I am, lifting up my heart to The One who holds the stars. If You can calm the raging sea, You can calm the storm in me. You’re never too far away. You never show up too late. So here I am, lifting up my heart to The One who holds the stars. Your love has called my name. What do I have to fear? What do I have to fear? Your love has called my name. What do I have to fear? What do I have to fear? {Skillet}