Ten years ago in the midst of a mental health crisis and major life crossroad I had a job driving Ford truck trades from Dallas to the surrounding states as a “dealer valet”. So many days alone on the road just driving, crying, laughing, praying, talking to myself and God. I’d stop in as many small towns that I could along the way in the quietest corners of “anywhere but home” and find small cafes where I’d just sit with some coffee, listening, observing and absorbing as much “outside my bubble” stimuli I could find. That job was one of the best things I’ve ever done, had or enjoyed, and I swear that I wouldn’t be here right now if not for it.
Back then I was a rocker kind of girl and had never heard of a Rascal or a Flat, so I fondly remember the day I was driving I40 to Yukon, Oklahoma in a decked out, jacked up Ford F-550 and this song came on the radio that I’d never heard before, “No Reins“. Meanwhile, yes, there were actually horses running in a field alongside the highway, and yes, I do believe that God set that very moment up as the catalyst for the beginning of “me” and everything I am today. Rascal Flatts pretty much wrote the soundtrack to my life by the way and I just say it enough!
So here I am a decade later, eternally thankful for the countless tears shed in those trucks that allowed me to let it hurt so I could begin the bittersweet process of moving on stronger, wiser and ALIVE despite the many broken roads I’d been down and sometimes still have to travel. But now whenever I hear “No Reins” I get butterflies as I dream of all the possibilities for our daughter’s future. It reminds me that despite the words in the song where she’s “learning how to let go” and making the choice of “her”, which was clearly me back then, maybe now the song can apply to Gia going forward for much brighter reasons.
Williamson and I are determined to build our girl into a mentally strong, confident, healthy woman who will never wonder “who am I” and have to run away and be all alone to save her own soul the way that I did way back then. She’ll live her life on her own terms, no one else’s, NO REINS, and I will fight for her to have that freedom until I’m buried and gone. Unless of course she finds a man like Zack who is lucky enough to capture her mustang heart and run along side her for the ride of both their lives and never stop unconditionally loving, honoring and cherishing all the beautiful perfection she will surely bring into his world (and all of her imperfections as well). And by the way, I have been praying for this boy, wherever in the world be may already be, since the day that she was born. God is good, so I know he’ll find her eventually, and when that day comes I do believe that this crazy circle my life has been going in will finally be complete, and, I will be a very happy momma.