FEBRUARY 27, 2019: “No Reins” …

no reins

Ten years ago, in the midst of a true mental health crisis and major crossroad in my life, I had a job driving big Ford trucks from Dallas to the surrounding states as a “valet” for their dealership trades. I spent so many days nights alone on out the open road just driving, crying, laughing, talking to myself, and praying to God. I’d stop in as many small towns as I could along the way in the quietest corners of “anywhere but home” and try to find as many quant cafes and stops as I could find so I could where I could just sit with some coffee and listen, observe, and absorb as many “outside my bubble” experiences as I could. That job was one of the best things I’ve ever done, had, or enjoyed, and I swear that I wouldn’t be here right now if not for it.

Back then, I was a rock n’ roll girl at heart, and in being honest, I suppose I always will be, so up until that point in my life I had never heard of either a “Rascal” or a “Flatt”. I fondly remember the bright blue, beautiful day I was driving down the I40 to Yukon, Oklahoma in a decked out, jacked up Ford F-550, when this song came on the radio that I’d never ever heard before: “No Reins“. Meanwhile, yes, there were actually horses running in a field alongside the highway, and yes, I do believe that God set up that one moment in time for me as the catalyst for the beginning of “me” and everything I am becoming today.

Now here I am, an entire lifetime of a decade later, eternally thankful for the countless tears I had to shed in those trucks that allowed me to finally begin the bittersweet process of moving on stronger, wiser and ALIVE despite the many broken roads I’d been down and sometimes still have to travel. Only, now, when I hear that song I get butterflies as I dream of all the possibilities for our daughter’s future. It reminds me that despite the words in the song where she’s “learning how to let go” and making the choice of “her”, which was clearly me back then, maybe the song can apply to Gia going forward for much bigger and brighter reasons.

Williamson and I are determined to build our girl into a mentally wealthy, confident and strong woman who will never have to wonder “who am I” and run away to save her own soul the way that I did way back then. She’ll live her life on her own terms like the QUEEN she’s destined to be, NO REINS WHATSOEVER, and I will fight for her to have that freedom until the day I’m buried and gone. Unless, of course, she finds a king of her own who is lucky enough to capture her mustang heart, run along side her for the ride of both their lives, never stop loving her unconditionally, and cherishing the beautiful perfection she will surely bring into his world, beautifully purposed flaws and all. For the record, I have been praying for this boy, wherever in this world be may already be, since the day that she was born. God has been so good to us in all things big and small, so I know that if Prince Charming is what’s meant to happen in her queendom, he will find her eventually “o’er field and fodder” and everything in between. When that day finally comes, this crazy circle my life has been going indeed will be complete and I a very happy momma!