Ten years ago, in the midst of a mental health crisis and major crossroad, I got a job driving big Ford trucks from Dallas to the four surrounding states, Kansas, and Missouri as a dealer trade “valet”. I spent so many days and nights alone on the open road just driving, crying, laughing, talking to myself and God. I’d stop in as many small towns as I could along the way in the quietest corners of “anywhere but home”, find a quaint cafe, then just sit with some coffee and listen, observe, and absorb as many “outside my bubble” experiences as possible. That job was one of the best things I’ve ever done, and I swear I wouldn’t be here right now if not for it.
Back then, I was a rocker who hadn’t heard of Rascal Flatts yet. I fondly remember the day I was rolling down the I40 to Yukon in a jacked up Ford F-550 when this song cued up to the radio. Meanwhile, there were horses actually running in the field abutting the highway, with a crisp, blue sky in the background that all but took my breathe away and reduced me to some of the most cathartic tears I’ve ever cried. I believe with every shred of my being that God set up that one singular moment in time up for me as the catalyst for the beginning of the “apostrophe” I’ve become.
Here I am now what seems like a lifetime later, eternally thankful for the countless tears I shed in those trucks that allowed me to finally begin the bittersweet process of moving on stronger, wiser, and ALIVE, despite the many broken roads I’d been down and sometimes still have to travel.
These days, when I hear this song I get butterflies as I dream of all the possibilities in her future. Whereas the girl in the song is learning how to let go, which was clearly me back then, I can only pray that these words will apply to our girl for much brighter and hopeful reasons. We don’t want her to ever be in a position where she has to choose between “someone” or herself. We want her to be strong and wise enough to start with choosing herself first and let all the naturally beautiful things that follow be her reward.
Williamson and I are determined to build our daughter into a mentally wealthy, confident, and strong woman who will never have to wonder who she is and run away to save her own soul like I did. She’ll live life on her terms like the QUEEN she’s destined to be, “no reins” whatsoever, and I’ll fight for her to have that freedom until the day I’m gone and beyond. Unless, of course, she finds a king of her own one day who is lucky enough to capture her painted wild mustang heart. God willing, he’ll run right alongside her for the ride of both their lives, never stop loving her unconditionally, and cherish the beautiful chaos she will surely bring into his world.
For the record, I’ve been praying for this boy, wherever in this world be may be, since the day that she was born. Actually? Now that I think of it, I’ve been praying for both my kids’ spouses all their lives. God has been so good to us in all things big and small, so I know that if a Prince Charming is meant to happen in her queendom, he’ll find her eventually “o’er field and fodder” and everything between. If and when that day finally comes, this crazy circle my life has been going in will be complete, and I will be one very happy mama!
The Diary Of My Perfection 