OCTOBER 25, 2019: “A Life Of Use” …

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I CANNOT BELIEVE I never knew about this until now and CANNOT TELL YOU the infinite number of times I’ve had this similar conversation with my SO much better, stronger and wiser version of me daughter who at the ripe old age of three years old became the catalyst for everything I’ve become today:

I am here to tell you all that I would in fact be dead right now if it wasn’t for this beautiful girl. All it took was one moment in time with her at a Jason’s Deli when she was just over 3 years old. I saw her mimicking me as I was pushing food around my plate, but not really eating it, because I was literally starving myself to DEATH. That was the day that everything I’d ever known to be “real” in my fairy tale world came to a screeching halt as my heart broke in the most incredulous way once and for all and forced me to finally start fighting my way out of the dark and into this Light. It was HER who held the most frightening mirror up to my face of all – ME. She is one of my muses and “whys“.

{“My Mona Lisa“}

Indeed, it is true, on that day, my very own daughter became the death of every ugly thing my farce of a life used to be and the beginning of all my truths. She is the reason I decided to turn myself inside out and my life upside down once and for all because I was so afraid of her becoming “sick” like me. She is the reason I finally came to realize that “nothing would mean anything if I didn’t live a life of use to others”.

This is the legacy I want to leave for my children. If I keep giving this all that I possibly can, one day, whether I’m here or not, I’ll be the luckiest woman that ever lived when they BOTH stand strong and proud amongst the crowds and say something like this about me:

My mom lived a life that was of use to others!

Thank you, Angelina ! THANK YOU!