NOVEMBER 24, 2020: “And They Shall Rise Up”…

They made me a mom.

They made me strong.

They made me REFUSE to give up on myself under any circumstances!

They make me DETERMINED with every single breathe that I’m lucky enough to take to be a Light in all their darkness.

You see, “Phoenixes can only make phoenixes”, so they have no ther choice but to rise up and and fly.

And that, my friends, is just the way it is!

RISE UP

I was hoping for an indication. I was seeking higher elevation. Ay, ay, ay. Ay, ay, ay. I’ve been shaken wakin’ in the night light. I’ve been breakin’, hiding from the spotlight. Ay, ay, ay. Ay, ay, ay. The more I stray, the less I fear, and the more I reach, the more I fade away. The darkness right in front of me. Oh it’s calling out and I won’t walk away! I would always open up the door. Always looking up at higher floors. Want to see it all. Give me more. Rise, rise up! I was always up for the making changes. Walking down the street and meeting strangers. Flipping through my life turning pages. Rise, rise up! Like a prayer that only needs a reason. Like a hunter waiting for the season. Ay, ay, ay. Ay, ay, ay. I was there, but I was always leaving. I believe it, that I was never breathing. Ay, ay, ay. Ay, ay, ay. I’m bursting like the 4th of July, so color me and blow me away! I’m broken in the prime of my life, so embrace it and leave me to stray! {Imagine Dragons}

AUGUST 24, 2020: “The First Year In Focus” …

I did it people!

I SURVIVED!

Thank you SO much for all of the love and support! I’m gonna keep on keepin’ on!

AUGUST 10, 2020: “A Tree For All Seasons” …

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DEAR CAT:

Let me remind you of the words to that song he would sing to you:

“There’s a light in you that tears me down to nothing. There’s an angel in your eyes. There’s a hope inside that you can make it better. You see right through my disguise. When it rains it pours, and everybody stumbles. I won’t let them bring you down. I won’t let you down when the seasons change. I won’t go down. I’ll fight through the pain. I’ll be there right by your side. I’ll never let them bring you down when the seasons change. There’s a hope in me that I will die for something. Was the fire in my eyes? All this pain inside. Will it be this way forever? I can run but I can’t hide. When it rains it pours, and everybody stumbles. I won’t let them bring you down. When the seasons change and we’re in for colder weather look for me on The Divide. {Five Finger Death Punch}

You see? None of this is about you.

It has NEVER been about you.

IT’S ABOUT THEM!

Not just your babies …

… all the lives you’ll have touched before your time is done … if only for a season.

Your greatest treasure and greatest triumph are in knowing just how insignificant you really are in the bigger scheme of things.

Your “valuelessness” is your greatest value!

Your “powerlessness” is your greatest power!

YOU ARE REACHING NIRVANA!

You are EVERYTHING!

Because you are NOTHING!

You’re NOTHING but a pebble, to be dropped into your ocean, making ripples and waves of outward change for everyone whose path you cross on your journey.

Your purpose is to keep working the roots of this new and healthy family tree you’re now growing — free from the black toxicity that suffocated and broke all the branches of the tree that we came from.

KEEP CHANGING THE STORY!

THE BUCK STOPS WITH YOU!

Your children’s children may never get to meet you, their “Crazy Grandma Cat“, but your legacy will live on through them! HIS legacy will live on through all of you!

Keep working.

Keep sowing.  

You’re doing a good job.

… and (PS) …

I love you! We got this! I WON’T LET YOU DOWN AS THE SEASONS CHANGE!

~ Me

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DECEMBER 20, 2019: “We Survive With Hope” …

CONVERSATION WITH MY DAUGHTER AT SCHOOL PICK UP YESTERDAY:

GIA: Mom, would there be any way we could go to the store after I get out of group tonight and grab a few things so I can put some Christmas bags together for my Hope kids? If your tired I promise I will do all the work and I can even pay for it myself. All I need you to do is drive me to the store and I can take it from there.

ME (HEART MELTING): Ummm, daughter? I think you just gave me the greatest Christmas gift I never knew I needed.

Not even broken wings will stop my little Phoenix from rising so far above this mire! After everything this child has been through (some of which most of you will NEVER know)? She has her mother’s heart, soul, spirit and courage, only, just so much more – BETTER! I am an SUCH an incredibly lucky woman to get to be the one who claims the honor: “Look at what I’ve done … this light I’ve created unto a very dark world.”

YOU CAN’T STOP MY GIRL!

DECEMBER 16, 2019: “Born To Battle” …

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~ by The Phoenix Collaborative Project ~

BORN TO BATTLE

“A blazing flame slowly dies in a night as cold as snow. From the ashes a Phoenix will rise – it will spread it’s wings and blaze again and the world will watch in terror.

A tree stands tall, unshakeable in disaster, with leaves that feed and a trunk that houses things that are large and small, from the lions resting in it’s leaves to the mice that every bird is after, and thorns that wrap around this tree as it loves and must protect it all. The tree that has been through storm and fire will watch as it stops danger in his tracks and fill the forest with powerful laughter.

A tidal wave races to land as anger from the broken earth surges through the city in it’s wake. Salty water fills what once was home to a beach pristine with it’s white sand. Concrete jungle, horrible and strong, your walls are beginning to break. The creatures that destroy it’s castle are now drowning in it’s tears. Water will heal if you show it respect, but woe it brings in oppression.

A wind from four corners will push on still – tornadoes and hurricanes do not stop for lesser things. You can track and prepare but you cannot break it’s unstoppable iron will. Yet only days before, a soft breeze gently embraced the leaves and refuse from the Sun’s sting. It is no fault but their own, taking for granted and taking advantage of something they do not know – of something they will fail to control. So the wind sounds a warning of a storm on the roll.

A roar charges through a burning world as a warrior departs. The pounding of horses running and the power of thunder rumbling. Rubber on asphalt spins and burns as those four doors carry weary hearts, heavy. Hearts that move, hearts that love and hearts that have been through too much. This world hurts what is afraid of, yet the strong ones have made struggle an art. So, bring on what you have – just try and stop them. When you push them they will be ready!”

~ Gia Embach

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OCTOBER 3, 2019: “From The Cradle To The Grave” …

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CRADLE TO THE GRAVE

Mother, tell me, I long to hear the stories, just like long ago. All these memories start to fade before me. I cannot let them go. No, I can’t let them go. From the cradle to the grave. It’s a fear I can’t escape. Who will be my hiding place when you’re gone? Father, stay here, don’t leave me like the other. Know, I need you so. All you gave me. Father, how you loved me. Treated like your own. Don’t ever let me go. From the cradle to the grave. It’s a fear I can’t escape. Who will be my hiding place when you’re gone? There’s no way to deny the brevity of life. As time keeps marching on, all we have is lost. All we have is lost. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing stays the same … How am I to carry on as time keeps marching on? {Alter Bridge}

… you finally get that call from the school to come and get her because it’s finally registered that he’s never coming home again and she’s absolutely beside herself. For reasons I cannot say, and only a handful of you can truly understand, this IS a miracle of epic proportion. My daughter’s strength, grace and ability to separate the truth from even the worst of Satan’s lies just befalls me. Her courage puts mine to shame on even my best of days and I have to tell you, SHE is the one who will ultimately be flipping the proverbial game board which is our life not just upside down but all over the place once and for all! She’s the game changer, not me! God has had His hands literally wrapped around her heart all the while and I can NOT thank Him enough for what is happening in our atmosphere today. Honey, are you seeing this? I TOLD YOU! We love, miss and STILL cherish you Zachariah. “From the cradle to the grave” … stay with us please. Always.

OCTOBER 18, 2018: “Icarus” …

I once had wings of wax and gold. To the Sun my soul was sold. My freedom burned blisters on my skin. My cold heart begged for the warmth to be let in. These wings will surely be able to withstand the fire. My heart will grow warmer once I climb higher. As I fell I laughed and screamed and cried. At least I had been free when I died.

“Second Phoenix Rising”

This was written by my daughter today (the second phoenix rising) unbeknownst to me until it was revealed the day after one of the most bittersweet days of my life, December 25, 2019. Perhaps the greatest irony here is that I have long been fixated with the ill-fated “Flight Of Icarus” and his toxic relationship with his father, as evidenced here with this drawing of mine, Circa 1990, from the “32 Sketches“, Circa 1990. This glimpse into the burning embers and fire of her soul have now become one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. Some day “my gift” will be “your gift”, and by that I mean “a gift unto this world”, as The Light I’ve sought so desperately in this otherwise very dark place will live out loud through her. She’s the culmination of every one of my failings, disgraces, accomplishments and achievements, and the truth behind all the lies I’ve searched so hard to find. 

My daughter.

My legacy.

“SECOND PHEONIX RISING”