Zachariah,

Today would have been our thirteenth anniversary, and it’s still so hard to believe that this is the fifth November 1st without you. Where did all the time go? If only life was really a movie and we could have left here together holding hands like Allie and Noah. But, alas, it is not, so I’ll just keep on punctuating the atmosphere with every bit of strength, hope, courage, and Light that I can find until it’s time for me to cross on over.

Although I very much miss you every minute of every day, know that I’m still happily tending to all the flowers in our garden and thinking of you when I look to the sky, especially when it’s grey. More so than anything, my mind still rests and is very much assured that I will, indeed, see you in a little while:

I held your hand and watched as the Sun slowly faded. Far in the distance, the Father was calling your name … it was time for you to go Home. Everything in me wanted you to hold on, but I had to let you go with that one last goodbye kiss and the promise that I’ll see you in a little while. It won’t be too long now. I’ll see it on the other side that the wait was only the blink of an eye. Then, maybe you’ll teach me all the songs you sing in Heaven? Maybe you’ll show me how you can fly? Maybe I’ll hear you laugh again, and won’t remember when we were not together and this time it’s forever.

… and just one more thing …

Please tell my little girl that I love her, although I’m sure she already knows, and ask the Father to please tell the Son that I’m ready and waiting for Him to come. Hey? Maybe I can meet you ALL beneath that Steel Magnolia AMIDST The Stars?

I love you!

~ Catherine

LOOK AT THEM!

Just look at them! They’re both magnificent beasts of completely different burdens designed by one Creator, so vastly different, yet, very much the same. They live. They breathe. They bleed. They die. Just like humans, though, neither of them has ever actually seen themselves but through the lens of a camera, a mirror, or another’s perception (which is a different story for a different day). Meanwhile, like many of the animals in the kingdom, these glorious felines are sentient:

Sentience is the ability to feel a range of emotions and feelings, such as pleasure, pain, joy, and fear. Some animals even experience complex emotions, such as grief and empathy. Animals are sentient beings, and this means that their feelings matter. ~ They want to do things they enjoy; they want to exert control over their own lives, have choices, play, feel satiated and comfortable, solve problems, get excited, and seek the comfort of companions.

{“Animal Sentience“}

Like us, they possess the innate ability to not only experience both positive and negative emotions, but seek out the good ones and avoid the bad. Long story short? Despite their vastly different exteriors, the two sweet ‘lil kitties in this picture can, indeed, CHOOSE joy!

So, here’s to the utmost gift and treasure of my sentient ability to choose to seek out the positive and continue running towards The Light despite what the rest of the animals in this hell bent kingdom of ours are doing or how many of them try to rip my warm-blooded heart out. Win, lose, or draw … I WOKE UP TODAY … and no matter my beastly burdens, I’LL CHOOSE JOY every time, because …

Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing joy every day.

(Henri J.M. Nouwen)

JOY

Lately, I’ve been reading, watching the nightly news. Don’t seem to find the rhythm, just wanna sing the blues. Feels like a song that never stops. Feels like it’s never gonna. Gotta get that fire back in my bones before my heart turns into stone. So, will somebody please pass the megaphone? I’ll shout it on the count of three: One, two, three! Oh, hear my prayer tonight! I’m singing to the sky! Give me strength to raise my voice … let me testify! Oh, hear my prayer tonight, ’cause this is do or die! The time has come to make a choice … and I choose joy! Let it move you! Let it move you! Let it move you! Yeah, I choose joy! Let it move you! Let it move … let it move you! Yeah, back when I was young, my eyes were full of life, but now that I am older, I live at the speed of light. Feels like the cycle never stops. Feels like it’s never gonna. (for King & Country)

So? Exactly many of YOU took YOURSELF out to dinner this weekend? How many of you ever would? How many of you ever COULD? Me? I do it ALL the time!

“Real Cat – Party Of ONE!”

I see movies alone. I eat alone. I travel alone and will continue to do so. But guess what, people? I am never, EVER “lonely”! I’m my own best friend and “ride or die” … win, lose, or draw … and the one person I like to truly love hanging out with the most. Don’t get me wrong … of course I absolutely love being with my kids who have now become my friends and are the three human beings I see and spend time with the most. But one has a life of his own and the other is just a few months away from flying the coop. Though she’s still here in town until graduation next spring, between splitting time between me and her dad’s and her school, internship, social life, and the new boyfriend, sometimes it’s as though she’s already gone.

Also? It’s not like I don’t have any friends to go and hang out with, but, not only do I have a somewhat “challenging” personality type and, err, “peopling” skills as an INFJ freak of the fucking WORLD, you’d be surprised what really happens in “The WidowHOOD” after a bitches cards all fold. Long gone are the days way back when on the prairie when society looked after the widows and orphans. No, I’m not bitter about that, by the way. (Well, okay, maybe just a little.) After all, these days it really is each man for himself … most definitely each BITCH for herself … and everyone’s just trying to make a way for themselves, right? It is what it is, so, TAG, I’m it. But I’ve digressed. The point is, that, YUP, I’m almost ALWAYS on my own.

They say that the most dangerous people in the world are the ones who aren’t afraid to eat alone. Well, “they” are fuckin’ geniuses! I’m a risen from ASHES living queen, my friends, and yes, sometimes a queen HAS to sit at the table alone when her king has left the castle either temporarily or, in my case, abdicated it permanently. But you see, it’s how we sit “alone at our table” that defines us. As for me? I shall not be laying waste to a single one of my hard-earned Golden Years.

So, unless and until the mystery of whether there shall be just ONE LAST KING for me to do all that “Saturday stuff” mentioned below is solved, I’mma just sit here at the end of my OWN banquet table and rock it, “Party Of ONE” style like the unbreakable BOSS BITCH I am! So, with that, my charge to all of you is THIS:

DATE YOURSELF, “SOLO” PEOPLE!

Don’t just “date” yourself by sitting on a shelf all alone and EXPIRING! Hang out with yourself. Get to know yourself. LIKE yourself and enjoy the pleasure of your own company! Learn Get to know, love, own, respect, and PROTECT your “value” in this world and what you bring to humanity in your own right, NOT just as someone else’s counterpart.

Once you’ve mastered the art of “you, yourself, and YOU” and made peace with the face in the mirror, trust me when I say that you will be the most untouchable beast of them all and not even hell will be able to fuck with your crown!

Now, GO OUT AND DO IT, and DO IT TODAY! Then, report back to me with PROOF that you “Party Of ONE-d” yourself like a SAVAGE!

“

Each day, acquire something that will fortify you against poverty, against death, indeed against other misfortunes, as well.

~ Seneca ~

… and if you can find nothing else with which to fortify yourself, let it simply be the empathy, mindfulness, and gratitude that comes when we take a moment to “SEE” the others who aren’t walking in our shoes.

Do we understand this, friends?

While the traumas, misfortunes, or burdens of others should never be “compared“, they SHOULD be acknowledged and considered.

It’s called kindness.

It’s called compassion.

It’s called understanding.

It’s called Power, Grace, and LOVE!

It’s called the only way any of us are gonna make it out alive, and by “alive” I mean with our soul in one sound piece such that it will live on through eternity and not have to circle back around to this circus we called humanity to keep on learning all its lessons.

Bye everyone, it’s me, CAT!

No, not everyone does have to be “the Chosen One”. Not everyone has to be the guy who saves the world. What we do have to be, however, is “THE ONE” who’s just living the very best life we can, doing the things that are greatest for us, having great friends (even if they’re mostly cats, dogs, birds, virtual strangers, and the less than handful of people who’ve ever really known, accepted, and LOVED us over the course of our time), trying to make our lives better and loving people properly, all the while knowing that although the world often makes NO sense whatsoever, we gotta CHOOSE to be happy in all this anyway and keep on stealing The Sun!

… and so, with that, I sing to all of you THIS:

🎶

“I woke up this morning … got myself a gun … then told myself I was THE CHOSEN ONE … ’cause umm … Hi everyone! It’s me, CAT!”

🎶

Imma just keep being like my little Bad Cat and never change (unless, of course, I want to)!

… but I mean, could there BE any more fitting a slogan for my “Rambo Barbie” DOCTOR of veterinary medicine to be?

Yes, my friends, she really could have gone to any college that she wanted, and yes, she really did pass on the opportunity for West Point Academy. Yes, she really did put EVERY one of her eggs is this red, black, and GUNS UP basket. She’s flying from the inside and stealing the Sun just like her mother and brother and is only focused on exactly what she’s after … nothing more and nothing less!

I’m a Texas Tech University Red Raider momma tonight, folks, and an exceptionally proud one at that! My Mona Lisa just keeps on makin’ me smile and I couldn’t be any more excited about her future if I tried to be!

So, it’s “World Hunger Day 2023“, and here I am with a pit in my stomach still thinking about that moment last December when it finally punched me in the face that I owed my body an apology and not just a love letter.

On that day, I really was just sitting there in my bougie, cozy, fluffy pajamas and binging on Hallmark movies. Then, during a commercial break, I began scrolling around on Quora and stumbled upon a question, answer, and pictures that have both haunted and inspired me almost daily since:

This makes me so fucking sad. Meanwhile, I’m over here in my actual small castle binging on Lucky Charms, popcorn, and Skittles and watching cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies in my bougie, cozy, and WARM fluffy snowman pajamas like there’s no tomorrow.

I needed this reminder today, regardless of how I hate it. Despite any and all of the very worst “circumstances” in my lifetime – and trust me, there’ve been PLENTY – I literally have NOTHING to complain about. Not ONE single fucking thing!

For me, when I am reminded of the sobering reality that SO many people in this world literally fucking starve to death, it makes me even more ashamed of the fact that I had an eating disorder for more than half of my life. Well, maybe not necessarily “ashamed” of the actual eating disorder – it happened for a very sobering reason. Thankfully, I’m still alive to talk about it. Still, when I think of all the FOOD that was available to me, yet, I refused to eat when I was in my anorexia phases, and worse yet, all the precious FOOD I fucking WASTED binging and purging it down the toilet, it makes me so fucking mad at myself for being such a SICK and SELFISH asshole for taking the healthy body I was given and MUTILATING IT for all those years with all the blessings of FOOD I took so badly for granted. Thank you for sharing this post. I needed to be reminded of how lucky I am to have this life I was given and NOT to take anything in it for granted. Oh well, we live and we learn, right?

(The Real Cat Williamson On Quora)

… and, with that, how dare I have disrespected, abused, and punished this healthy body that the good Lord gave me and treated it as a punching bag on which to take out all my anger, sadness, and inner turmoil? It was my soul that that had been empty for more than 19 years in a row, not my stomach. It was my soul that needed to be fed the truth, silence, forgiveness, and acceptance it had been starving for all the while. Thank you, GOD, and thank you to MY BODY, that I was given the chance to atone and account for all the damage I had done to the beautiful, HEALTHY shell that I’d been desecrating.

Never again! Never give in!

(“Creatures” by Shinedown)

That God-forsaken creature is long gone and DEAD, because my soul has finally found the respite and nourishment it needed to make a safe place for me to live.

FEED YOUR SOUL

She goes around switching on lamps, ’cause the light, she tells me, is coming in slanted. I can’t get enough of the beauty alive behind the shadows. Why have I gone hungry? I’ve gone hungry in a land of plenty. Feed your soul. Feed your soul. If you are empty and you want to be whole, feed your soul on bread and water, truth and silence. All sons and daughters … feed your soul.

The heart cries, but the body growls, and the appetite of the flesh is louder than we thought. Let the flickering flame of our appointed days not thirst, nor die, but grow brighter. And when a longing haunts you, feed your soul. Feed your soul. If you are empty and you want to be whole, feed your soul on bread and water, truth and silence. All sons and daughters … feed your soul.

Hope born of promise that will not disappoint … that will not end in shame. You’ve got to cultivate the taste for the rich and true … for the goodness you have always craved. Feed your soul. Feed your soul. (Christa Wells)

In honor and recognition of this most important of “national days”, “World Day of Bullying Prevention®”, let us come together as a worldwide community that stands FIRMLY against bullying.

Both myself and my daughter were the victims of “childhood bullying”, by the way, and dare I say that there are people in our very own family, up to including my children, who are still very much are being “bullied” by certain powers that be. I know from whence I speak! So, with that …

Dear BULLY,

It’s 8am … this hell they’re in … seems they’ve crossed a line again for being nothing more than who they are. So, break their bones and throw your stones … we all know that life ain’t fair, but there is more of us …

WE’RE EVERYWHERE!

Think it through ! You can’t undo! Whenever I see black and blue, I feel the past, I share the bruise. With everyone who’s come and gone, my head is clear my voice is strong! Now, I’m right here to right the wrong! No one has to take this backed against a wall! No one has to take this! We can end it all!

ALL YOU’LL EVER BE IS THE FADED MEMORY OF A BULLY!

Make another joke while they hang another rope … so lonely! Push them to the dirt ’til the words don’t hurt.

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

NO ONE’S GONNA CRY ON THE VERY DAY YOU DIE … YOU’RE A BULLY!

(Words Adapted to Shinedown’s “Bully”)

I saw her sitting there, a younger, smaller version of me, at 9 years old, sitting on my childhood bed. I slowly walked to her and knelt. I took her hands in mine. She looked up at me and with a small voice asked, “Does it get any better?” I squeezed her hands, “Not for a long time. It doesn’t get better for a long time.” She closed her eyes and tears streamed down her face. I let go of her hands and placed mine around her small face, “Does anyone end up saving us?” she softly asked. I smiled. “Yes.” I said. She then looked at me, hopeful, “Who saves us?” she asked. I smiled even bigger. “We do. We save ourselves.”

(“Letters To Anna“)

What if I told all you ladies out there that National Daughters Day isn’t just for daughters, but also for the little girl who lives inside your heart? You know? That broken angel who desperately needs you to cherish and value her so she can rise up to become The One who leads her own daughters to The Queendom?

Woke up today with no secrets, and I’ll sleep with no regrets. I’ve lived a life I’ve torn to pieces … so many things I can’t forget.

I’ve been a thief … I’ve been a liar … blacked out the sunlight three hundred days. I broke the bottle just to get higher. I locked myself down with rusted chains.

Found my way back on this broken road. Found myself inside my broken soul.

I got no halo … no wings … got no angels watching … but I still believe. Lost my spirit … my soul … but I was never alone. There’s still a little Heaven in me.

(“Heaven In Me” Words Adapted)

With that, happy National Daughter’s Day to not just every lady reading this, but of course to the Mona Lisa who never truly never stops making me smile and truly is every brightest jewel in my tiara. Pray God that I’ve prepared that sweet little baby girl inside of her (who I ashamedly helped break) to make much better choices than I did when she was younger when it’s time for her to start a family of her own.

Lol. If someone had told the teenage me that one day I’d somehow manage to be the mother of a queen like THIS, I’d have laughed right in their face. And no, I don’t just mean the queen you see here … I mean the queen who’s writing this Diary entry that grew up to be one of my very few heroes.

Oh, and for the record, although I may not got no halo, I most definitely do have wings and an entire army of angels watching over me 25/8! As for my spirit? Hmm? Although it sure as hell was as lost as I once believed my soul was, after all was said and done, NO, I was NEVER alone. Heaven has been inside of me all along … I just needed a different set of eyes to see it.

Hi everyone! I’m Catherine Marie Williamson … God’s absolute FAVORITE daughter! So, Happy National Daughters Day to me!

Someday my gift will be your gift. By that I mean my gift unto this world. The divinely punctuated Light I’ve sought so desperately to find in this otherwise very dark place will live out loud through her. She’s the culmination of every one of my failings, disgraces, accomplishments, and achievements, and the truth behind all the lies I’ve searched so hard to find. She’s my diamond encrusted tiara legacy and yet another phoenix rising.

(“Icarus Rising“)

Let me tell you somethin’ about this enigma I brought forth who I now refer to as “Rambo Barbie”. She’s endured and survived one of the worst atrocities that could become a young girl, and though I’ve built this Diary and ensuing platforms on the premise of “Secrets Making Me Sick No Longer“, one of the most twisted and sickening secrets I’m made to keep now isn’t mine to tell. So, I won’t. Sufficed to say that like me, she’s forgiven the devil himself for crimes against her person that but a handful of people ever could. That forgiveness was for us, by the way, but then again, also for “them”, because setting ourselves free from the prison of bitterness, anger, and regret was the path we were called to take. We decided to tell pain and suffering to kiss our asses and the devil he can SUCK IT!

Some day, one very lucky man is gonna capture her heart, take the reigns from her hands, then run alongside her to build the dream. She’s a masterpiece, a National Merit Scholar, an artist, an enigma, and so much more it’s supernatural. She learned how to drive on a standard for Christ’s sake, and to the best of any knowledge is the only one on her campus who drives V-8 muscle with a stick.

She’s like THAT!

She is so not like all those “pick me” gutter rats that tried to steal her crown but failed laughably, and has risen above every cruel and unfair deed that could otherwise have defined her with power and grace that put mine to shame. My daughter refuses to allow anyone, up to and including herself, to be disrespected. If there’s an outcast in her halo, she finds and draws them near, because as she’s always said:

No one gets left behind on my watch!

West Point came calling for her, by the way. She’d have made a magnificent soldier and followed the footsteps of one of the greatest men I’ve ever ever known, much less shared blood with, and while she respectfully declined their offer to toss her hat into their candidacy ring since she has her sights fixed on another prize, their courting her was one of the utmost moments of my song.

She’s still got miles to go down her road to full recovery, but at least she’s actively taking part in it and running head on into her storms rather than away from them like I once did. She’s not just fortifying herself mentally, though. She’s fortifying herself in every way. How many adults can say the same? She’s the most beautiful infection alive, really is “The One“, and I couldn’t be prouder of her if I tried. By the way?

I MADE HER!

Long story short? If a teenage girl who’s been broken and stripped of both her innocence and dignity in unspeakable ways can find the courage to take her life, well being, and future by the balls, so, too, should we all!

No excuses!

NONE!

So, here’s to my “Rambo Barbie Girl”, who by the way is a dead on BALLS accurate shot and WILL be licensed and packin’ when she peels out of here next Fall. Lol! Even the grown men at the gun range she trains at can’t understand how she stands so strong against the kickback from that .308 and watch her in awe.

She’s a SAVAGE!

I’ve blogged this one before, but I drop it again. “Battle Born” she is … just like her queen of a mother … and my little girl ain’t playin’!

 

🖤

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light.”

(Genesis 1 NIV)

🖤

Wish that you could build a time machine so you could see the things no one can see? Feels like you’re standing on the edge looking at the stars and wishing you were them? What do you do when a chapter ends?‬ Do you close the book and never read it again? Where do you go when your story’s done?‬

MEANWHILE …

You CAN be who you were or who you’ll become‬! The Sun goes down and it comes back up‬. The world it turns no matter what‬. Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh oh, if it all goes wrong … darling, just hold on! It’s not over ’til it’s all been said‬. It’s not over ’til your dying breath‬. So, what do you want them to say when you’re gone?‬ That you gave up, or that you kept going on?‬

If you are standing on the edge right now just looking at the stars and wishing you were them, remember that you kind of are. You are “nothing, everything, and ALL OF IT“, so, keep the faith, hang on to the hope, release yourself from prison, and JUST HOLD ON! HOPE really IS a good thing!

Oh, and one last thing to all you “Reds” out there who are struggling to find your way out of prison, or moreso than that, have found your way out of prison but are just too scared to really let the light of hope shine through because you’ve become so accustomed to life in the dark that you literally don’t know how to live life without it:

Dear Red,

If you’re reading this, you’ve gotten out. If you’ve come this far, maybe you’re willing to come a little further. I could use some good people to help us get my project on wheels. I’ll keep an eye out for you and the chessboard ready. Remember, Red, hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping that this Diary entry finds you … and finds you well.

~ Your friend, Real Cat

Happy Birthday, “Shawshank Redemption“. You were my husband’s favorite movie, are also one of mine, and, perhaps, one of THE greatest movies of all times, because knowing what I know at this point in the game, hope really DOES begin in the dark. I am living proof of that beautiful Genesis promise.

“ME + HER” …

… last night at the 3 Doors Down concert. She’s my little music buddy and I don’t hate it. Life is all about memories, experiences, and the time we spend with our people, and I’m making good and sure that I spend mine wisely so that one day when I’m gone my kids will have WAY more “good stories and HAPPY memories” about their time walking the Earth with me than sad ones.

🎶

Some memories have left me broken, but the scars have very much healed. The emptiness in me is gone now, with so much more to feel. I’m not scared to look back on the days before … I’m tired, but I’ve moved. I’m not afraid to “feel” … I’m afraid to NEVER fly. No more hiding behind my walls of “maybe nevers” and forgetting that there’s something more than just “knowing better”. My mistakes do not define me now … they tell me who I’m NOT. I’ve got to live this life I was given like it’s the only you’ve got.

🎶

My friends? “Oh, what will it take to get YOU to say that you’ll try?” And what would you say if this was the last day of your life?

IT MIGHT BE!

Just sayin’.

~ REAL Cat

Perhaps one of the most interesting nuggets I mined while at Lion’s Den Live last weekend was the introduction of Dr. Jordan P. Peterson’s personality test, “Understanding Myself“.

Keep in mind that for personal reasons, I took the test not just once, but THRICE! Why is that you ask? Well? Because three is a perfect number (duh!), three times is always a charm, and damnit, I just wanted the truest truth! While I wasn’t necessarily surprised by these scores, I was further validated in my conviction that I’m an epically weird MACHINE! After all that’s been said and done, every ounce pain I’ve endured from the cradle until my grave was not only, indeed, “purposeful”, but my truest gift. The pain has shaped me … molded me … refined and SHARPENED ME! I mean, I had a suspicion that I was unbreakable in theory, but as it turns out, I’m unbreakable both in practice and on paper!

With that, I cannot recommend enough that you invest the $10 bucks and twenty minutes to take this test, see where you land, and maybe catch a glimpse of yourself through another set of lenses. Not only might it lead to a greater understanding of yourself, what drives you, and where both your strengths and weaknesses lay, it could also help identify the types of people and even careers that might be better suited for you. Just sayin’!

Dear Me,

So, you were hijacked when you weren’t looking? Behind your back, people were talking and using words that cut you down to size. You wanted to fight back … and so many times, you did … it was building inside you, holding you up, taking you hostage, and yeah … IT WAS ALL WORTH FIGHTING FOR! Some of them tried to take your pride. Some of them tried to take your soul. Some of them tried to take all the control by looking you in the eyes and filling you with full of lies. Believe me … they’ll still always gonna try. So, when you’re feeling crazy and things fall apart, listen to your head and remember who you are … You’re the one! You’re the unbreakable heart! After all was said and done, your spirit isn’t broken … and now you know for sure that it was all worth fighting for! Look them straight in the eyes when they still try to feed you their lies, ’cause believe me, they’re always gonna try! They’ll never take your pride! They’ll never take your soul! YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE UNBREAKABLE HEART!

(Words Adapted)

I love you, Me!

~ You

⬆️ “When U Awaken In D End“ ⬆️

Lots to unpack there. First let me tell U about a conversation I had with some friends not long ago. We were talking about how much time and effort we’ve spent in the past with people who in the end didn’t give us any ROI on that investment. And people who are in our orbit now who we should have devoted some time to develop a relationship with a long time ago and how it would be cool to have a time machine to go back so U could go back and hang with those peeps more. Strangely because U and I haven’t chit chatted in a while, U immediately came to mind. Cathy Audino is somebody I should have gotten to know better. Not because we shared common interests or goals or because we had mirrored thoughts. Here’s how I will explain it. I’m the least Hippy person U will ever meet, I don’t eat tree bark, I don’t read books about self improvement, I don’t meditate and I don’t wear sandals. But I believe in “energy”. There are things that give me energy like my favorite music or TV shows or my sports teams or going for bike rides or working with my Special Olympics team or something as dumb as the satisfaction I get when I finish mowing the lawn etc. And there are things that drain energy, like anything Tears for Fears or equivalent, TV shows like Desperate Housewives, etc. But now that I’m older it’s about people. Family is one thing for sure but then it’s my friends and the people I spend time with. Some relationships give me energy and I’ve made a conscious decision to increase those interractions as much as possible because if U don’t life will always put up an obstacle. I’ve got practice or I’ve got a project or I’ve got a whatever. So in our group I play the ass and I annoy people by demanding they give me a confirmation on such and such a date we can all meet. And 6-10 of us have gone from meeting once or twice a year to almost once a month. And now all of a sudden I don’t have to twist arms because everybody enjoys hanging out. I just saved U 20 minutes of reading with a quick edit of a long story. Ur welcome Let me wrap this up. If I had a time machine I’d go back and spend some more time getting to know Cathy Audino because I admire her courage to live unfiltered. And anybody who can do that is worth knowing better. I don’t care if I don’t agree with their perspective, see also the Patriots, I do respect the guts it takes to get in front of a camera and let fly whatever ur thinking. When I read ur stuff or watch ur vids I get energy.

Now to ur vid. I’ve never really considered that what I write down stream of conscious like could have any effect on the reader. I mean I’d like to think my stuff about the vaccine or my stuff about climate change might give somebody some info besides the bullshit they are getting shoved down their throat but that’s about it. All in all, it’s rewarding if one thing I wrote touched somebody. Pretty cool in my book. I wish I was as smart or popular as U thought I was. I was just a kid and like a duck, might have looked all upright but underneath I was paddling like a mfer. I kinda figured we all were. There were so many swans and I was just a duck. And now that I’m older, I not only like being a duck, I like hanging out with other ducks. Swans demand energy and I just don’t have any energy or fucks to give them. The hat colors did not go unnoticed. Thank U for the kind words Cat.

“Who do I have to become?” I’VE BECOME IT! “What kind of energy am I putting out there?” I’M ON FIRE! Is my authenticity shining through?” I’M VIBING AND SHINING! After all has been said and done, I’m the most epic and unique DUCK a duck could ever be and I wouldn’t wanna have anyone other feathers. Also? I will NEVER let anyone clip mine!

So, with that, Happy Fifty-FAUXTH BIRTHDAY, both to me, myself, and, as I awaken this morning to Salt Lake City “Oh, Solo ‘I’ Oh!” style! And to Craigers, one of the dearest and most supportive friends I never saw coming: Thank you. No, really … THANK YOU! Seeing myself through someone else’s lens and impeccable words was one of the most precious gifts of my journey.

Dear YOUNGER Me,

That’s right, my friend, you Jean-Claude Van DAMN sure DO still color just fine! In the meantime, here’s a little apology to you for anything and everything I’ve ever done to hurt you in the past or will do in the future via an epic song that I suppose was intended for a significant other …

… but …

… since YOU, my dear, are my greatest love story of all and someone I’ve learned to love, cherish, adore, and value immensely:

I’m not a perfect person … there’s many things I wish I didn’t do. But I continue learning … I never meant to do those things to you. And so, I have to say before I go that I just want you to know … I’ve found a reason for me to change who I used to be … a reason to start over new … and the reason is YOU. I’m sorry that I hurt you … it’s something I must live with every day … and all the pain I put you through … I wish that I could take it all away and be the one who catches all your tears. That’s why I need you to hear … I’ve found a reason for me change who I used to be … a reason to start over new … and the reason is you.

Happy “Fifty-FAUXTH”, Catherine Marie!

I LOVE YOU!

~ Me

The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response. Your “I don’t need anyone; I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. You needed it to shield your heart from the abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you. From the parent who was absent and abandoned you, perhaps by choice. From the parent didn’t intend to abandon you but was never home because they were working three jobs to feed and house you. From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy, but never offered a safe haven to honor your heart. From friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave. From all the situations when someone told you, “We’re in this together” or “I got you”, then, they ended up leaving you behind to pick up all the pieces when shit got real … leaving you to handle not just your part, but sometimes their part, too, in the messes that were made in your life. From all of those lies and betrayals along the way, you learned that you just really couldn’t trust people – OR – that you COULD trust people, but only up to that point when “being there for you” was convenient or not such a hassle for them.

{“The Fortress Behind These Walls“}

So, you’re that person who “doesn’t need anyone”. You have fortified yourself as a living shield against the trauma, abuse, neglect, and betrayals you’ve already suffered at the hands of the ones who were supposed to love and protect you. Oh, my battle born friend, I’ve been right where you are and know too well that THIS is how you survive in the stronghold you built all alone. Still, treasures are meant to be shared, my friends, not buried and lost forever.

So, yes, guard the keep well, but don’t you dare board up every window. You are worthy of a love that will rule the kingdom with you hand in hand, but you’re not gonna find it hiding crouched behind those walls in the dark. Find something to believe in, hold on tight to your faith, and never stop looking for The Light. Just sayin’.

So, with that, and in honor of the 10th birthday of one of THE most powerful, poignant, bittersweet and EPIC Death Punches of my lifetime, let’s revisit The Fortress and dig a little deeper into being truly “battle born” …

Try as I may for the longest time to express my affection for Keanu Reeves, I have yet to find the perfect words. So, in celebration of his birthday today, I honor, celebrate, and finally give proper credence to the “Wicken” of it all in my life via this brilliant fellow Quoran, whose perfect words I’m stealing. They say everything I could have thought to say:

“I know that ones who love us will miss us.”

This is what Keanu said when Stephen Colbert asked him what happens to us when we die. He understands misery unlike anybody else in Hollywood. His dad left when he was 3. He struggled with dyslexia, attending 4 different high schools before dropping out. His best friend died of a drug overdose at 23. His girlfriend, Jennifer Syme, had a stillbirth 8 months into pregnancy. She later died in a car accident not too long after. Even with his hardships, he hasn’t let his success get to his head. He helped his sister get cured of leukemia, and since then has donated an anonymous amount of money to hospitals that treat the disease through his private charitable foundation. He’s worth over a couple hundred million dollars, but he still takes the subway. He doesn’t really have many fancy things. It is rumored that he gave up a considerable portion of his pay for the latter two Matrix films so that the stunt and design and costume teams could help make the movie as amazing as possible. Many sources claim the amount he cut from his own pay ranged just a touch above $30 million. When his flight had an emergency landing enroute to Los Angeles in Bakersfield, he not only opted to rent a large vehicle and drive the rest of the way, but he took a good number of people on the flight with him. He’s known for paying attention to detail: There is a story about him on Twitter where he bought an ice cream just to get the receipt paper so he could autograph it for a fan. He later tossed that ice cream away. He is one of the few actors who gets to know everybody working on the set of his projects. Several accounts of him genuinely asking people about their day and wellbeing. He treats everybody with the same amount of kindness. Someone on Reddit recalled a friend who was stranded on the highway outside of Los Angeles. Keanu Reeves pulled up, tried to jump the car to no success, and then drove her 50 miles out of the way to get her home. Not only that, he gave her his number to call in case she needed help with anything. When he found out one of the crew members on the set of John Wick was struggling, he gave him $20,000 as a Christmas bonus. There is another story of him giving every member of his stunt team for The Matrix a Harley Davidson.

Keanu just loves.

HE IS LOVE INCARNATE.

There is no additional component to his character. He’s stayed the same human throughout the worst and the best in his life. He’s pure … and people see that.

(Anthony Andranik Moumjian on Quora)

Quite frankly, I can think of no finer words to befit the life of “love incarnate” this living angel on Earth embodies.

Meanwhile, if I could pick just four simple words to describe the legacy I’m working tirelessly to leave behind one day for not just “mine”, but anyone whose path I cross, if only for a minute, that they would emulate the words that just described Keanu:

She was love incarnate.

Happy Birthday, Dear John! I SEE YOU! May your masterpiece of love continue growing forward, outward, and upward for as long as humanity is blessed by your epic life of use to others on this Earth. You are loved, and I’m so proud to be a practicing “Wicken”.

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but never forget that most people really are attracted to things that are unaffordable, hard to get, or altogether unattainable. You aren’t just “you”, my friend … you’re the sum of all the pain, sorrow, beauty, joy, and infinite energy in this world that ever was or ever will be. You are “nothing, everything, and ALL OF IT!” … a one of a kind, limited edition, highly valuable commodity. There is NOT and will NEVER be another YOU!

It might be hard to hear, but let me tell you, dear. If you could see what I can see, I know you would believe that isn’t who you are. There’s more to who you are! So when it’s late … you’re wide awake … too much to take … don’t you dare forget that in the pain, you can be brave and safe. You can be brave, and safe. You truly ARE a rose in bloom!

Lol! Why do you think I’m so stingy with my hugs and won’t so much as let another human being touch me (unless, of course, I gave birth to them)? I refuse to run around giving free access to the TEMPLE that shrouds my soul to just anyone.

So, with that, don’t you dare be giving what you have to just anyone, and never give it away for free! Learn your value, THEN ADD TAX, because your time, energy, and electricity are PRICELESS!

Did you know that I’m a “Quoran” writer? Indeed, I am. Since joining in 2020, upwards of 3M people worldwide have read my MIND-BLOWING rantings, ravings, and theories (2.75M of whom have been rather agitated by my “Life According To REAL Cat” bombs).

This particular answer to an age old question is one of my top movers, shakers, and agitators. Why? BECAUSE IT’S TRUE!

WHAT IS A SIGN THAT SOMEONE IS A GOOD PERSON?

While there are clearly no textbook signs as to whether someone is “good”, I believe that when an animal naturally takes to someone, it’s usually a pretty good sign. This isn’t to be confused by a person who CLAIMS to love animals, as some the most wicked “things” that walk upright amongst us are masters at cunning and deception. They’re the living tricks the devil plays on us, but THAT’S another answer for another day. So, if you really want to know what lies beneath another’s skin, bring a dog to them. I’m no an animal expert, FYI, but do know that it’s widely held that, “the animals” … they know things. They sense things. They SEE what we can’t see! They’re, like, God’s little “peopmometers” that seem to be able to take the temperature of a human soul – OR – sense the ABSENCE of a soul within a “thing” that only LOOKS like a human. By the way, if MY “Lord Walter The Williamson” doesn’t like you …. NEITHER DO I! Just sayin’!

(The Real Cat Williamson On Quora)

Yeah! I really AM just sayin’!

FUR the record, and in celebration of National Dog Day today, I honor the reigning “Lord” of my life, my magnificent beast master of a German Shepherd Dog who has, unfortunately, more than proven himself to be a demon detector. I shall remain in his servitude for as long he shall live!