Tag: cat williamson warrior motivator survivor

DECEMBER 22, 2025: “FLOWERING (From The Inside)!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

me:
“It’s turning out great, right? My homemade ‘kitchen flowers’ make me so happy every week!”

her:
“It’s really pretty this time, mom. Plus, it’s hydrangeas AND lillies, BOTH our favorites! But I have a question. Daddy always sends you flowers, so, why do you need to buy your own?”

me (heart SWELLING):
“Because daughter, WHY NOT? I decided years ago to stop waiting for the world and people in it to “bring me my happy” and get out there and start bringing it to MYSELF! It’s especially important for moms to treat themselves kindly when they can, because it’s a very hard job and sometimes the things moms do and give tend to go unnoticed or recognized, often unintentionally. Life happens and people get busy – ESPECIALLY most daddies – so, moms have to remember to appreciate and value themselves regardless of who else remembers. You’ll always be able to make and find your OWN joy in life, as long as you’re willing to search for it. So, I want you to promise me that when you grow up you’ll treat YOURSELF to flowers often … because … YOU CAN and you DESERVE IT!”

her:
“Mommy? I am SO gonna do that AND have this same talk with your granddaughters one day! We’ll start trend in our family called ‘get yourself some flowers, girl’!”

me:
“You just made my day, Gia! I’ve been WAITING for you to notice that I buy myself flowers and finally ask me why! Now that you know, I really, REALLY hope that someday when you have a house of your own and I stop by to visit that I’ll see ‘homemade kitchen flowers’ on your counter from YOU to YOU!”

(“The Day Of The Homemade Kitchen Flowers“)

🌸

… fast forward to today:

YES, her Prince Charming brings her flowers constantly … but YES, she either buys or picks them for herself, too … and YES, making sure there are fresh flowers on my kitchen counter at all times will always be one of my favorite and most powerful mental wealth hacks and ways to continue “stealing The Sun from the sky” and staying in perpetual flight!

DECEMBER 14, 2025: “Born Yesterday!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

… and that was the day I met the first, last, and only man I’d ever truly love for the rest of my days on this Earth …. to infinity and beyond … and The Moon and back.

In the meantime …

“If you ask me, he’s walked on water since before he could talk. One look at him, and I forget the miles he drove me up a wall! Each first day, ’til he was driving, I’d see him off and start to cry. Even though he’s all grown up, some things never change. Every time that he falls down, I’ll be there to carry the weight. If you ask me, he’s done made it. I swear he’s a superstar! To me, those AK’s that he’s making might as well be Fenway Park! I love to tell my friends about him and show ’em pictures on my phone. I’d say that my favorite one is the day I brought him home. I’ve bent God’s ear for him until it breaks, and any time he goes through hell, yeah, I’ll gladly take his place. Yes, I still dream for him … pray for him … want more than the whole world for him … forget all the hell he ever raised! I only ever see him one way … like he was born yesterday.”

{… Eric Burgett Lyrics Adapted}

[DISCLAIMER]:

Unlike the lyrics to this song, however, my son has never really “driven me up a wall or put me through that much hell”. He’s been an absolute JOY to raise. Truth being told, he’s my doppelgänger, and win, lose, or draw, and come hell or highest of waters, to know us is to love us, but we are who we are and make no apologies for it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Christian Peter! Momma loves you! Thirty-three years ago LITERALLY to the second this is being posted, you were “born yesterday”! Keep working on your Fenway Park, by the way! Momma’s got your six all the while! Actually? No! I have your entire CLOCK!

DECEMBER 11, 2025: “Ricohets & Squirrels!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection
@TheDailyDoseOfVivienne!

DECEMBER 6, 2025: “Cat V. The Creature [(ps) … Cat WINS!]!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

We want everybody to be safe out there because we are getting reports of … it’s going around! It’s eating people’s faces and souls! He’s a crazy creature!

One year ago today, Sick Puppies released what I believe to be their most powerful song since “White Balloons“, “Odd One“, and “Creatures“. With that, I feel it only fitting that we take a good hard look at these impeccably written lyrics:

PAIN! It’s come alive! It’s pouring out of my veins! I’m drifting in and out, turning insane. At the edge … I’ve kept it in until now … I’m afraid it’s too late! I feel it coming out!

STOP! Before I take your mother fuckin’ head off! I’m seeing shit that I don’t wanna speak of! Bottled up everything up until now. This is it! Fuse is lit! So, get the hell out!
Rage that won’t subside … eating me alive … look into my eyes … I’ll scream until I spit blood! I would stop myself if I could! Get away! It’s too late! I’m changing!

Oh my God, what have I done? I can’t believe what I’ve become! I can’t stop hurting everyone! What’s this creature I’ve become?

Far be it from me to break the news to ya, my friend, but this “creature” you become is nothing more than the living embodiment of emotional dysregulation, i.e. having difficulty managing your emotions and the way you react to them, which in turn can lead to extreme if not inappropriate outbursts. It’s not a diagnosis, by the way, but rather, a description of how our emotions are managed, or rather should I say – MISmanaged.

A person’s inability to regulate emotions can, however, be a symptom of very serious mental health conditions. Do you have trouble calming down when you’re upset? Do you experience rapid mood swings or struggle with impulsive behaviors and thoughts? Well, my advice to you is call a mental health professional ASAP! With the right help and the willingness to face your ‘lil monster in the mirror, you CAN take it down!

“But, Cat! I can’t afford to call a mental health professional!”

YES, YOU CAN!

Just CLICK this pic:

– NAMI HelpLine Link –

Perhaps one of my favorite things about myself is that I haven’t become the monster I probably should have after all the trauma I’ve survived in my life. I mean, could I have used it all as an excuse to rage against humanity? Yes, I suppose so. Actually? Now that I think of it, there was a time in my life when I did! “It was kinda like a storm!” … and by “it”, I mean THE CREATURE I once WAS! One thing we all need to understand about extremely kind, nice, and loving people, however, is that their other side is just as extreme. It’s the hell they survive that makes them gentle, so, don’t mistake their self-control for weakness. The beast in them is merely sleeping, not dead.

“My Monsters Are REAL!”

NOVEMBER 27, 2025: “Changes” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

So, umm, exactly how many stoic quotes from a bunch of dead philosophers can you throw at us in this Diary, Cat?

AS MANY AS IT TAKES!

Although all these dead guys are, indeed, DEAD, that their wisdoms have survived the test of time only proves their modern relevancy. We live in a world chock full of black and white thinkers who think in extremes without even trying to consider the MANY different facts, angles, and perspectives of a situation. Umm, hi, there! Not only did I use to be one of them, such rigidity was almost my downfall! The ancient philosopher mindsets, however, continue to remind us about the many beautiful shades of grey in this all.

With that, and in honor of the 40th birthday of one of THE best movies of all, my beloved Rocky IV, please let me remind you that there is SO much more to see here than really meets the eye, and even MORE at stake if you somehow miss the memo. Remember: RIGID things break, but FLEXIBLE things can bend, twist, and MOVE like a butterfly when life’s stinging you like a bee.

Meanwhile, if I can change, YOU can change! I am, after all, the embodiment of survival of the fittest. I’ve “adapted, overcome, bent, twisted and SURVIVED” by refusing to just keep standing there rigid and stubborn as FUCK while life’s wolves tried to devour me.

CHANGES

Changes … time’s making changes in my life. Rearranging … can’t seem to stop the hands of time. I remember … I was so young … I was much too young to see. Now I’m older … growing older … and I see things differently. Faces .. strange faces cloud my mind. Empty traces … make it hard for me to find. Somewhere in the distance, is there Someone who awaits for that moment I am taken over by the hands of fate? Oh, can’t you see? It’s changing you and me. Time’s makin’ changes. Time’s makin’ changes in my life. Times rearranging … it’s changing you and me. {Tesla}

NOVEMBER 24, 2025: “The sPEACH Heard ‘Round The Hill!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection
Frank Caprio YouTube

My beloved Grandpa Ernie who shared this birthday with Judge Caprio grew up on “The Hill” as well, and my father and his three brothers were students at the high school he spoke of teaching at during the day before driving to Boston at night. Since my father was Class Of ’65, they’d have likely walked the same corridors of that place together. For all I know, Judge Caprio may have even taught my father.

For the record, I’ll never see a can of peaches the same way again. In fact, I’ll be buying a can at the market this week and putting it my kitchen to honor Judge Caprio and this epic if not saint like sPEACH! “Frankly”? The man should be canonized. Meanwhile, I once saw this powerful tribute to another of humanities treasures, Keanu Reaves:

“Dear John“

Few are the people whose characters are befitting of such impeccable words. Judge Caprio, however, was one of them (as was my Grandpa). If you don’t already know who this enigmatic bastion of kindness and treasure to humanity was, it’s not too late to get to know him now. His life changing wisdoms and nuggets will be honoring not just his forefathers but mine and so many others’ as well throughout the ages! I’d also like to think that I’m honoring MY forefathers and following their footsteps by showing kindness and compassion to as many people I can, up to and including strangers, and that I’ve raised two kids who are as well. Happy Heavenly Birthday, Judge Caprio and Grampy!

“Hope High School” … Providence, RI

NOVEMBER 20, 2025: “My HAPPIEST Place!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

“Many people consider rainy days to be a bad weather day. Therefore, for anyone to think otherwise, that person must view the world from a unique perspective. There are many kinds of people in this world, and each has unusual habits and characteristics. That uniqueness is what makes pluviophiles different from the rest of the population … and they thrive in rain and storms.”
{Pluviophile.net}

… and I am never not mindful of the people in this world who fall into the deep psychological despair and depression that come and go with the seasons. For me, days like this are nothing less than God’s way of wrapping His arms around me with all the most beautiful shades of grey that He knows I love so much and telling me I’m safe, loved, and always “at home” no matter where I roam or what seemingly dismal circumstances surround me.

It’s days like this that call me back home to the happiest days of my childhood, especially when followed by a rainbow to remind me that I’m not just all the darkness that still lives deep within me courtesy of the demons that tried but failed to take my soul, many of which weren’t even my own. It’s days like this when I truly AM the living embodiment of  “Power + Grace” and all the beautiful Light and colors I’ve become. It’s days like this when I’m the happiest. It’s days like this I’m the most at peace. It’s days like these when I’m thankful.

NOVEMBER 10, 2025: “The Blue Moon GIFTS!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

In closing, I would now like to drop a link to one of the spirit animals of my music life whose birthday is today. It is, perhaps, THE greatest soliloquy to all the odd ones out there who are either hiding in plain sight, or running around like a hot pink gift bag. May it live on in eternally through the freed hearts, souls, and minds of those of us who boldly reflect it and no longer live inside the prison walls of “general consensus”.
If, like me, you are an out loud and proud, never intended to be mass-produced, original prototype FREAK of designed by The Master’s hand who has not yet heard this gem … ENJOY! If, on the other hand, you’re wrestling with yourself inside a plain brown boring box because it either doesn’t fit, is fucking boring, or you just know you were meant for something better than a cookie cutter human experience … may the words to this ode to my family of one and only’s become your new mantra and fight song as you find the courage to BURST the fuck out of the norm and into the first and BEST edition of YOU! We’ll be waiting for you with our “Open! Open! Open!” neon lights on, and, yes, we will reflect you, too!
(“Ode To The Odd Ones!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, “ODD ONE” …

… and here’s to all you other “Blue Moons” like me who are running around out there just decking out other peoples’ atmospheres with your mere EXISTENCE which is, indeed, the GIFT of a dream come true that most people never knew they needed! WE are the pattern alterers, my beautiful Odd One friends! WE ARE THE BLUE MOON GIFTS!

NOVEMBER 1, 2025: “The Most IMPERFECTLY Perfect Love Story Of All Times!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

This picture was taken during Ozzy’s goodbye show. She sat quietly at the edge of the stage. Alone. Almost invisible. After decades of chaos and glory, of screams and silence. Just to be there. To be his. To stay. Always. This is Sharon Osbourne. And that image of her says more about love than any love song ever could. Because real Rock and Roll isn’t in the solos. It’s in the surrender. She met Ozzy when he was lost – broken, addicted, discarded. But she saw the man, not the mess. She believed. She bet everything. And she won. She wasn’t just a wife. She was the mind behind the empire. The soul behind the myth. She was the one who stayed – through rehab, scandals, relapses, betrayals. She was the one who loved – fiercely, silently, without applause. She turned pain into power. Madness into music. A broken man into a legend – and then into a husband. For over 40 years, she held the line. Not for glory. Not for image. But for love. Real love doesn’t always roar. Sometimes, it just stays. And she stayed. Sharon was Ozzy’s oxygen. His harbor. And maybe… the greatest love story music has ever known.
(by “AcapellaHero”)

While writing for permission to repost these impeccable words about “The Prince Of Dark AND Lightness” here, I was reduced to tears yet again in the wake of a phenomenon I’m calling, “The Ozzily EverAFTERglow“. I wrote:

As a widow who’s still healing from a “journey with a madman” who I unfortunately lost to his own darkness, your words have captured SO many of the feelings I’ve yet to fully express with my own words. They NEED to be shared with other widows.

… which is, in fact, exactly what I’m doing to honor what would have been my fourteenth anniversary to the “madman” who took off with my heart after “a little over a decade of chaos, glory, screams, and silence” that unbeknownst to us he’d battling within the abyss of his slowly sinking soul. No, he may not have been a rock star – but – in so many ways, I suppose he was before he lost his actual fucking mind and did unspeakable, unfathomable, and all but inhumane things to us in the wake of his insanity. But you see, I, too, was Sharon Osbourne in my own way. I happily and sometimes quietly sat at the edge of his stage … often alone … and sometimes even invisible. Why? Just to be there. To be his. To stay. Always. Because real love is in the surrender. I met Zack when he was lost – broken, discarded. But I saw the man, not the mess, albeit he’d been hiding so much of it. I believed. I bet everything. And I lost.

But then again, did I, though? I was the one who loved – fiercely, silently, and without the “need” for applause (which is not to say I never got it, because I did). Now? I’ve turned all the pain that not just he left me with, but the pain from my own journey as a “madwoman” into power. Madness into ALL the music that sings my own soul and continues to help me surrender to my own demons … and myself. I am a once broken women who’s loved many a broken man now turned into a legend. For over 56 years, I’ve held the line! Not for glory. Not for image. But for love … because real love doesn’t always roar. Sometimes, it just stays. And I’VE STAYED! Not only have I proudly, if not bittersweetly been so many other people’s oxygen, even more so have I been my own. I am a harbor … and maybe … the greatest love story I’ve ever known.

OCTOBER 31, 2025: “A Sky Full Of Bats!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, FOLKS!

Here’s hoping you either have a spookTACULAR and cozy night in with all your people (or even with just you and yourself), or a spookTACULAR and SAFE night out with all your people (or even just with you and yourself)! Okay, that’s all I got!

Bye everyone, it’s me, BAT!

(I mean, CAT!)

~ Gus Fink ~

OCTOBER 28, 2025: “The Mom’s Spaghetti Of It All!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection
Rights & Credit To “The Unusual Suspect“

23 Years Ago This Day …

Eminem‘s “Lose Yourself” was released as the lead single from the 8 Mile soundtrack. The official music video, however, was released a bit earlier on October 7, 2002.

Just about anyone can appreciate this ‘lil gem of a hip hop ditty which is widely held as his masterpiece due to its enduring pop culture legacy that spans the masses. No matter your race, creed, color, gender, dialect, age, or varying if not contrary musical preferences, the “mom’s spaghetti” of this unforgettable rap can ignite a fire of motivation and resilience under your skin! This video is a compilation of 331 different cinema-graphic films that were edited together by “The Unusual Suspect” on YouTube to recreate the lyrics to it.

And so, with that, Happy 23rd Birthday to one of THE most epic songs of all our lifetimes! Here’s hoping my grandkids and their grandkids will be banging this one out of their speakers, into their ears, and straight through their souls when searching for the courage and inspiration to step out from underneath any self-doubt and fears they may have when standing on the stage of their lives just like so many of us have on our own!

OCTOBER 25, 2025: “One Thousand Apologies” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

Twenty years ago this day, Demon Hunter released this most powerful song of not just Zack’s lifetime, but even more so mine as I’ve continued to break everything down in hopes of making sense of the silent pieces of his existence. So, what better time to finally memorialize it than today by sharing my answer to a question that was posted earlier in one of my writing forums:

My “Triptych” story is bittersweet and unfathomable to most, but true nonetheless. Since I’m the “REAL Cat” and an admitted over-sharer, I’ll share. Demon Hunter was the all time favorite band of my late husband’s life after having been thrown away by his “mother THING” on his birth day. Years of burying his emotions after a dismal start in life eventually led him to me and my kids who he took as his own. He’d always said that me and my daughter we were the only two women he ever loved other then the grandmother who stepped in to raise him after “the THING” left him to rot in his own remains. The mental illness that had been slowly deteriorating him over YEARS of fighting against it finally caught up when he succumbed to the darkness on 8.22.19. No one except me and my daughter REALLY knows what happened in our home in the midst of his LITERAL insanity in the four months before he left when the devil himself took up residency inside his head. Lol, even his beloved German shepherd “saw it” inside of him, and by “it”, I mean the demon that was living in his body, to which end Walter Williamson LITERALLY tried ripped his hand off the night before the end for what seemed like no obvious reason … until it all became clear to us in the wake of his suicide and “we knew”. Meanwhile, on 8.9.19, the night after I’d discovered he’d made his final decision to “put the monster down” and purchased the Springfield he used, he’d written an email to me and her with the song “One Thousand Apologies” attached, but never sent it. I found it in his drafts while sifting through the wreckage months later. He’d always said this band wrote the soundtrack to his life, and, they did. For the record, I have long since forgiven him for crimes against our humanity that he / “the monster” committed against me and my daughter, and am thankful beyond words for all the delicate and NOT so delicate ways their music has helped me understand what may have been going on inside his broken mind and soul and the closure I’ve found I’ve found in so MANY of their song lyrics to let him hopefully be resting in peace. For the record, “Carry Me Down” was the last song we played for him at his services and it will be the second to last song played at mine. (“The Brighter Side Of Grey” by 5FDP will be the last.)

Someday, I’ll go back through his emails and drop a screenshot of that draft here for truth and accounting purposes, but for now I’m gonna safely out of them! I’m growing forward, not backwards, my friends, and some anchors just need to be cut as I continue to rise from his abyss. Here in Dallas it’s a rainy, dreary, pluviophile HEAVEN for me and all I intend to do tonight is enjoy my cozy little castle and the sanctity of blissful solitude I’ve found at home with ME. Goodnight. 🖤

OCTOBER 23, 2025: “I Carry On” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

… and I can honestly say with every ounce of my shredded yet abundantly blessed human being that I wouldn’t have changed a thing. All that pain really was my greatest gift, because in case you didn’t know by now, you simply CANNOT know The Light without first having known the darkness.

By the way, my scars aren’t only beautiful, but they’re mine to keep eternally and PROOF POSITIVE that I’m still alive inside this body and mind that should be good and dead by now. I’m such a lucky woman and always grateful for all I have and all I went through just to still be sitting here “carrying on” and walking through my fears with the “Power + Grace” of the risen queen and most favorite daughter of God I’ve become. Pray God.

@TommyVext2.0

OCTOBER 12, 2025: “Girl, The BEST Days Of YOUR Life …” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

Girl, the BEST days of your life … have YET to come!

Dear “Every Woman Out There Who’s Been Avoiding Stepping Into Your OWN Reign With Your OWN Tiara For Years And Years And Years And YEARS, To The Point Of Near Suffocation, If Not Death”:

Haven’t you held your breath and your tongue long enough? Why are you holding yourself back? There’s still SO much for you to say … but it’s NOT too late to run … no … walk … turn away quietly and just WALK away like a QUEEN! As for all those shadows you have cast? Guess what? FUCK the shadows, because YA CAN’T HAVE SHADOWS WITHOUT LIGHT! The light is there already, by the way, but ya might need to close your eyes to see it! All the best days of your life truly have yet to come … not the least of which is the one you get to CHOOSE to have as soon you’re done reading this. After all, you’re STILL here, right? So? OPEN UP AND SEIZE IT! No, you DON’T owe anybody ANYTHING … but you DO owe it to yourself, your GOD, and ANY other women in your halo to get out there and LIVE YOUR LIFE ANYWAY YOU PLEASE … NO APOLOGIES! THESE are the only promises left for you to keep:

Close the door … and close your eyes … but DON’T close yourself off to everything that’s still left for you to see and try! I know you’re afraid … and THAT’S OKAY … but, hey! Look at me! If I can do this, YOU can do this! Your QUEENDOM is calling you!

By the way, if you don’t download this most beautiful love song to yourself that I’ve been listening to on an often weekly basis since it was born this day fifteen years ago, please do so immediately! Listen to it daily until it reignites the flame inside your soul that you may have never even known was there in the first place. She’s just waiting for you to whisper to her. NOW, BURN!

OCTOBER 7, 2025: “The Light” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

It’s “World Day Of Bullying Prevention Day” once again, and I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but if you’ve ever been the one some giant FUCKTARD did or said something cruel to during a time when you were already on the ground searching for even the smallest shred of light in all that darkness, only to have the door slammed SHUT and leave you all but blinded, I want you to know that you didn’t deserve that, I’m sorry you had to endure it, but I’m GLAD you’re still here reading this.

When you think all is forsaken, listen to me now … all is not forsaken! You need never feel broken again. Sometimes darkness can show you The Light.

{Disturbed}

In the meantime, if YOU are the FUCKTARD who all but put your hands around the throat of someone who was already struggling to breathe … YOU’RE GROSS! Also? Karma is a Jean-Claude Van DAMN mother effing bitch, soooo … have fun with all that!

“Fight On Fighter!”

OCTOBER 5, 2025: “The Hands That Rock The Cradle” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

He got here red and wrinkled … scared and cryin’ … then she took him up and held him to her breast … and he sure was glad to get what mama offered. Then he went to sleep and put his fears to rest. It didn’t seem to matter what he needed, he could always count on mama to supply, and regardless of the sleep she might be losin’, he always found a twinkle in her eye. There ought to be a hall of fame for mamas … Creation’s most unique and precious pearls … and Heaven help us always to remember that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
(Glen Campbell)

… but lemme ask you THIS:

What if on the day he got here, “red and wrinkled … scared and cryin'”, she took one look at him and said, “No thanks. I’ll pass.” Then, instead of holding him to her breast and putting his fears to rest, she either literally or metaphorically threw him away?

What then happened to his fears when he went to sleep? What then happened when the first human being he ever met with NO twinkle in her eye that taught him that he couldn’t count on anyone? What then happens when “Creation’s most unique and precious pearls” become the spawned embodiment of evil?

Lol! “There ought to be a hall of fame for mamas?” Yup! There sure as HEAVEN should be. Likewise, should there be a picture of every one of those “mother THINGS and MONSTERS” in the Hall Of SHAME as placeholders until they get to ACTUAL hell.

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Zachariah. You weren’t a burden … or worthless … or unwanted. Yes, I cared and have cried almost every night since you stepped off the ledge that night and threw the fight. Although God only knows how long I’ll be sorting through the wreckage you left behind in your insanity, I still very much love and miss you.

@aDadNamedRory

OCTOBER 4, 2025: “What If There WON’T Be Mercy For SOME?” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

Today is World Animal Day, and my question to all of you is really IS, “What if”? What IF all of this really IS just a test from The Powers That Be and ALL of the animals, no matter how big or seemingly minute and valueless are angels in disguise? Where will YOU be standing on your Final Judgement Day? At The Bridge or The Slide?

For instance …

If you abandoned, starved, and neglected an animal, will YOU be eternally “abandoned, starved, and neglected”? If you tied some helpless creature to a tree out in the backyard and just left it there with no food, water, or shelter from the freezing cold or burning Sun, will YOU be eternally tied to a tree trunk that way and forced to watch “your family” through a window all alone? If you burned animals alive, ran them over for fun, hunted, trapped, and shot holes in them for sport, or caged them for entertainment, will YOU be trapped, caged, burned alive, and shot in the head over and over and over again with no chance for reprieve or escape? Hmm? I wonder.

By the way, by no means am I saying that those THINGS that mistreat, abuse, neglect, abandon, torture and kill the helpless humans amongst us such as infants, children, the elderly, and disabled aren’t also, hopefully, and most importantly going to be avenged in that good ole “eye for an eye” fashion both The Bible and every other religious transcript speaks of, but treating other human beings humanely is a given that should just go without saying, right? But the treatment of animals? Hmm? I just can’t help but wonder!

Look, I’m a God-fearing, Jesus-loving woman who wouldn’t wish merciless “eternal harm” on any human being, but as I’ve oft said before, maybe not all of us are really even “human“. The Bible also says “they walk amongst us“, soooo. Meanwhile, here’s to all the rest of us who literally wouldn’t even hurt a fly, much less set out to torture one of God’s creatures without at least thinking about the consequences of those abhorrent actions and play Russian roulette with our souls!

OCTOBER 3, 2025: “We Don’t Deserve Them!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

I saw this picture some time ago on one of my writing forums accompanied by the story of a nurse who supposedly took it and wrote: 

It’s been 23 days since this patient came to this hospital and in these 23 days nobody from his family came to visit him. But there is a pigeon which comes every two days to sit next to his bed. The pigeon stays for a while and then flies away. We then found out that this patient sits on a bench in a park near the hospital every day and feeds the pigeons there. This once again showed us that animals have a better heart than humans.

NEWSFLASH, however … the nurse’s claim was later found to be a fictional “tail” spun to steal heartfelt emotion likes, clicks, and views from the unsuspecting social media masses. The photograph is real, but the accompanying narrative about the man being abandoned and the pigeon’s recurring, loyal visits is fiction. In fact, the shot was taken in 2013 at a hospital in Athens, Greece, by a man named loannis Protonotarios, who later confirmed it was a chance encounter with a pigeon that flew into the hospital room, and there is no evidence of the man feeding the bird or the bird recognizing him. Even so, the overall sentiment of this picture all but begs us to acknowledge the true gift that animals of all kinds are to humanity, especially if we’ve been blessed enough to have had an unconditionally faithful companion by our side at any point in our life who helped lead us through the darkness and into The Daylight.

The late British author and veterinarian, James Herriot, whose birthday is today once famously said,

If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.

No,

Truer,

Words!

Meanwhile, I have long believed that the SAD truth is that humanity doesn’t deserve animals. Thank GOD the animals don’t know that. Bye everyone, it’s me, CAT! 

“Daylight“

SEPTEMBER 30, 2025: “You Aren’t Machine! YOU AREN’T MACHINE!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

… and by “recovery” I mean “recovery” from ANY of the following (in NO particular order):

•Acute Trauma
•Grief
•Sexual Abuse
•Domestic Violence
•Emotional Abuse
•Natural Disasters
•Bullying
•Abuse And Neglect
•Abandonment
•Witnessing Violence
•Developmental Trauma
•Intergenerational Trauma
•Life Threatening Illness
•Your Childhood
•YOUR FAMILY
•Terrorism
•Verbal Abuse
•Accidents
•Assault
•Childbirth
•Pandemic
•Divorce
•Kidnapping
•Military Combat
•Displacement
•Addiction
•Depression
•Alcoholism
•PTSD
•Mental Illness
•Eating Disorders
•Narcissistic Abuse

… and the list goes on and on!

“My Survival Resume“

With that, and in honor of World Recovery Day today, if YOU are in recovery from any of the above or perhaps something else on the list that I missed, please be gentle with yourself and don’t be surprised by a rollercoaster of various emotions all in one same day. Oh, and by the way … contrary to what you or others may have tried to convince you of …

YOU AREN’T MACHINE!

YOU NEED TO SLEEP!

So, cut yourself a break today and allow yourself to rest and reboot as long as is HUMANLY necessary! Also? Here’s to even BEING human in the first place, along with all the pain and suffering that has brought beauty to your bleeding. Remember not to take your humanity for granted, by the way, as you’re endlessly navigating all the highs and lows of living out your second chances. No, it was wasn’t supposed to be this way, and yes, you were meant to feel the pain as you were becoming the SURVIVOR you truly are!

~ REAL Cat

SEPTEMBER 27, 2025: “Back To The Beginning Of The Fire!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

To heal a wildflower, you must first go to her roots. To get to her roots, you have to go back to the beginning.

Let’s go back to the beginning!

(“Letters To Anna“)

Oh, to be a one of those flowers that blooms after a wildfire! “Dear Me”: Just keep blooming in a perfect circle, going forward by continually going backwards to the very beginning of the fire! Then, if as I’ve long known I truly am the most favorite and beloved daughter of this God I adore so much, they’ll never know they’re the children of a cursed woman:

But you see, the flip side of this bittersweet, double-edged sword of a living love story I’ve become is that I’ve gotten to learn the very hard way that my heart is love and my hands can rest because my soul has learned to happily exist in the blissful peace of my own solitude unless and until I decide to let anyone near me with a hammer again, much less be forced to just stand there and watch some mother fucker with a hammer continually annihilate my children.
(“The Shardsman, The Hammer & The Glue“)

Wait! Let me rephrase that: They’ll never know they’re the children of a woman who once thought she was a cursed woman. For as long as I shall live, I’ll keep shattering myself like glass, breaking every one of my bones, tearing out my heart, and scourging my own soul just to keep that that kid who lives inside of me free to bask in the glow of my own wildfires!

Breanne Randall once said,

I can dress in black and hang my head and mourn the loss of the life I longed for / or I can set it all on fire and build new dreams from the ashes / where are the matches?

So, with that, and in honor of this “Ancestor Appreciation Day“, I’m gonna keep lighting everything and one around me on fire! Here’s hoping you will, too! YOU CAN DO THIS, “ME”! I mean, really? You have no other choice! WE have to keep healing the broken little girl inside us … for THEM … and by “them” I don’t just mean the kids. I mean the strangers who walked through fires of their own so that we could find our voice!

In the meantime, pray GOD that the broken little girl who is now a part of our family finds the strength, courage, and brutal self awareness to “see herself” in the next generation of wildfires she’s now torched our family with so that she doesn’t burn and destroy my grandchildren.

SEPTEMBER 25, 2025: “Oh, Poor YOU!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

That’s right … YOU HEARD ME!

YOU created the cesspool you’re drowning in, which, (ps), is making you kinda stinky! You can’t really expect to run around breaking every person, place, and thing you touch and not have to fuckin’ pay for it, now can ya? Meanwhile, “if” by chance you’re in the wake of what seems to be the war to end all wars, there’s cold, dead bodies laying all around and you’re the only one left standing, perhaps it’s time to reexamine yourself, or, God forbid, examine yourself for the very first time EVER!

No one seems to like you?

Can’t hold on to relationships?

Don’t get included in family functions, ’cause …

You always RUIN family functions!?

Constantly getting fired?

Constantly in trouble with the law?

Constantly have your ‘lil ears BURNING?

People can only show up to the places where you are drunk, stoned, or otherwise highly medicated?

Welp, ya toxic ‘lil monkey …

the problem just MIGHT be YOU!

One of my favorite lines from a song of ALL times is by a band even a ginormous shithead like YOU might have heard. (It’s Def Leppard! 😉):

And then in conversation, I love the way you mention ‘nothing’s ever gone your way’ with a hammer in your hand. You spell out a master plan.

(“To Be Alive“)

YOU NEVER LEARN!

Steve Maraboli once said,

The problem that we have with a victim mentality is that we forget to see the blessings of the day. Because of this, our spirit is poisoned instead of nourished.

Lookit, your victim mentality isn’t serving you very well, so why not just go ahead and FIX IT! Own some things. Account for some things. Apologize for some things. STOP SOME THINGS! Make amends with those prolly very few people who are somehow still willing to let you in their atmosphere. Start taking responsibility for your bullshit actions and for fuck’s sake, GET INTO THERAPY!

While I’m sorry that I’m not sorry for the rough around the edges delivery here, know that I only aim to help. Yes, I know that the truth really hurts, but I am here to tell you that I, too, used to cry “victim” after the consequences of my own bullshittery. Guess what, though? I’ve lived, learned, and since accepted the errors of all my formerly fucked up ways and all the people I broke along the way … not the LEAST of whom were my children. Then? I forgave myself, walked forward with “Power + Grace“, and my life is just so much more … BETTER!

YOU CAN DO THIS!

You can stop whining and crying over all the stuff that YOU broke! Ga head and give it a try! YOU GOT THIS! Oh, and one last thing. This post is being published on “National Day Of Remembrance Of Homicide Victims” today in honor and of those who have been truly “victimized”, which (ps), in this regard isn’t you!

SEPTEMBER 24, 2025: “Hold On To Your Tunderbolt!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

… ’cause remember, and Epictetus said it best: Any person capable of angering you really does becomes your master, so don’t let anyone disturb you and make you their little bitch! Keep that thunderbolt in your own hands as much as humanly possible and don’t let anyone grab it away from you!

… but (ps):

Don’t you dare beat yourself up too bad when in the past you have in the future you do fork over your lightening bolt to some fool who angered you! It happens to the best of us, up to and including me, ’cause we are only human after all. Oh, and by the way, as is par for the course with me, I tried to find the perfect “day” to post here in The Diary, but couldn’t find a single trace of a “World Anger Awareness Day” to save my life. So, instead, I’m posting this now in honor of the release of this epic if not most recognizable AC/DC songs was released thirty-four years today!

SEPTEMBER 19, 2025: “Don’t Stand So Close To Me!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

Look, I dunno who needs to know this right now – BUT – exactly 45 years ago, The Police released this most EPIC fight song, if not “love song / mantra / ODE” to the not so people-y people of this world. You know? The freaky INFJ’s like ME! Let’s see … I would have been, like, 11 at the time. Truthfully, I don’t even know if I’d heard about either the police or this song back then. Nevertheless, this song is self-explanatory and this Diary entry is FINISHED! Bye everyone, it’s me … CAT!

SEPTEMBER 16, 2025: “I’m STAYIN’ Home!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

On this day back in 1986, Corey Hart gave birth to this beautiful song via one of my favorite albums of all times, “Fields Of Fire“! How little did I know that forty years later its embers would remain quietly flickering in the deepest chambers of my heart.

MEANWHILE …

To My Kids:

This is me “standing at the divide” better known as “the post office of my life” not so silently praying, if not begging you all to take up permanent residency in YOURSELVES:

“When the seasons change and we’re in for colder weather I won’t let you down when the seasons change. I won’t go down. I’ll fight through the pain. I’ll be there right by your side. I’ll never let them bring you down when the seasons change.”
That’s right! Every single time I sing it to myself, and even now as I’m typing this, I literally picture myself “standing at the divide” like a knight in my own shining armor outside of the fortress, not hiding in it! Let’s face it, people, not everyone does have that one person to call “home”. Sometimes life has different plans for us, which is to learn how to fortify ourselves into steel magnolias standing tall, strong, and sometimes even alone throughout our many changing seasons in the garden. Treating ourselves kindly, patiently, and with unyielding amounts of unconditional love and self-care is one of THE best ways to accomplish that. So, SING TO YOURSELF like you are THE greatest love story of your life … ‘CAUSE YA SHOULD BE!
(“Song Of Myself“)

Happy 40th Birthday, “Goin’ Home”!

SEPTEMBER 15, 2023: “Embach Armory … Established 9.15.02!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

In light of what’s proven to be an otherwise dismal week for us all, I’d like to call attention to something special our family is celebrating today. Twenty three years ago this week, on September 10, 2002, the video game “Battlefield 1942” was released by EA Games.

“Umm, okay, Cat, but, SO?”

This Diary entry is being written and backdated to this official release date of “Battlefield 1942” to memorialize the planting of one of the most important seeds to take root in our family’s tree … the “officially unofficial but also very official” establishment of “Embach Armory” (23 years from today).
(“Where It All Began“)

And there you have it, folks! It was right around the time I’m publishing this twenty three years ago this night that his Dad had finished upgrading his computer that wasn’t equipped to handle “the Battlefield”! Once he started playin, it was all downhill from there. Or rather, should I say, “it was all UPHILL from there”, because as God and I both witnessed but perhaps not everyone else did, my son fought tooth and nail against odds that no one but he and I will ever truly understand to find himself at gates he was quite literally born to crash through and DOMINATE!

So, yah, “this day” is beyond important to me, for it’s the day my first born gave birth to his first born. You see, it was “on this night 23 years ago” that the seed otherwise known as his lifelong obsession with WW2 weaponry was planted, took root, then EXPLODED into what is the “Embach Armory“! As I matter of fact, SO important is this day, that I believe we should somehow rework his logo to include, “Established 9.15.02”. I’ll have to check with the boss on that, of course! Nevertheless, I remain one hell of a proud gunsmithing grandma!

I love you, son! YOU’RE DOING GOOD, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for both you and my amory grandbaby!

SEPTEMBER 15, 2025: “Because Fallen Angels RISE!”…

The Diary Of My Perfection

On this day ten years ago, Three Days Grace released what to me has become one of the most bittersweet requiems and landslides of all the “mother guilt” I’ve struggled with in the wake of not just my own shattered childhood, but even more so my children’s. Meanwhile, dare I forget that moment a couple years ago when I found her college entrance essay hidden in my desktop downloads. I wasn’t quite sure whether to smile or cry as I read it, but ended up doing both, because …

I’ve often wondered if my life is just a bunch of pages in a comic book. It seemed that since the beginning, I was thrown as many adversities as my author could think of so I could become a character just like my in dad’s dusty old comic books that I would flip through under the covers when I was supposed to be asleep. I was born in the middle of a nasty divorce, and my teenage brother took up caring for me since my parents would be too busy fighting to notice either of us. I wanted to make things easier for the people around me, so I learned how to be independent and resourceful, and I was instilled with a personal goal to strive for excellence. The rest of my life has been met with similar misfortunes. Bullying and social ostracization, poor choices of friends and boyfriends, and finally, the abrupt death of my stepfather, who had raised me and despite the lack of shared blood took up the yoke of being my dad for 11 years. In the end, I had no friends, a dead parent, and a list of diagnoses of disorders that reads like a master list.  The last thing I want is pity. That’s not why I say this. The reason I say all of this is because despite the years of bitterness and pain I felt being in my “comic book”, and the many times I wanted to give up completely, I have grown to love everything that has happened to me. Why? Because I know that if it wasn’t for all I had to endure, I wouldn’t be a fraction of the woman I am today. Because throughout everything, I made the decision to make sure my backstory would make me like Batman, not Joker. Every cruel word and deed taught me that the people who are hurting the most can cause the most hurt, and that I needed to be kind and patient – take them with a grain of salt because the last thing they needed was cruelty back. My anxiety forced me to become sure of myself so I could meet my own expectations for myself, and to learn how to move outside my comfort zone to succeed and connect with others the way I want. My ADHD and OCD gave me an incredible love for challenges. Yes, it is more difficult for me than others to do basic things, but in the end, I learned that I could turn the things that hinder me into my superpowers. My ADHD allows me to devote myself completely to my passions and always remain excited and looking for the next thing I can do to improve and gives me this unquenchable thirst to learn more and do more. My OCD gave me the strength to always strive to do my absolute best, while also forcing me to learn how to be gracious with myself when I make mistakes, as mistakes are just lessons that teach me how to improve and do better.  My PTSD made me both gentle and tough. I gained more empathy and became incredibly resilient. It gave me a fierce desire to protect and support those who had no one else to support them, because if I had to suffer so that others might not, then I’m happy to show my scars with a smile. It made me love harder and care more, about others and about myself.  I’m in no way perfect. I have my kryptonite like everyone else. But I am a fighter. I know that I can face whatever comes my way, and I am proud to say that I have grown into my own superhero. I just hope that someday, my “comic book story” will give some kid just like me the hope to keep fighting and become their own superhero, too. 

Ugh. It was just like that very first “Death Punch” to my soul years ago when my son sent me the first of many to follow not so cryptic messages in the wee hours of the morning to let me know he “remembered … EVERYTHING“!

… and so, with that, to my beautiful, battle born phoenix of a risen angel daughter. Only God knows when you’ll finally begin digging in to the entirety of this virtual love letter I’m writing to you, your brother, and all of yours, and though I’ve appreciated your reading the entries I’ve asked you to thus far, I know it’s not quite time for you to sit down with “all of it”. As for now, just know that I’m so beyond proud of you and there aren’t enough words in my soul to atone and account for the many apologies I owe you for everything I missed while I was physically “there” with you while often being nowhere in sight. Late at night, I couldn’t hear you crying. I suppose I was too busy crying my own self to sleep while all the love around us was dying. How do you stay so strong? How did you hide it all for so long? Why couldn’t I take the pain away? Oh, that’s right! I was too busy free-falling in the dark for my own protection to make myself feel like I’d be okay. Still, I have so many questions.

That was then.

This is NOW!

I once heard it said that,

People change for two main reasons: Either their minds have been opened or their hearts have been broken.

Daughter, I am here to tell you, your brother, and anyone else who ever reads this that I am doing my very best to change for both those reasons. As for now, I’M HERE, baby girl. I “hear” you and I “see” you. I’ll be right beside you ever more if you go through hell and back again, no matter how close or far I ever am, and you will never close your eyes and fall alone in the dark. I love you, RISEN angel.

~ Momma 🖤

“The Bloody Smile“

  • Screenshot
  • Screenshot

SEPTEMBER 13, 2025: “The Bleeding” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

Cat, you need to think about putting yourself back out there and maybe even getting into the dating pool. Have you thought about any of the apps?

🤮

Yes, many versions of this ‘lil nuggie of a conversation have happened since losing Zack. Really, people? The thing about that whole situation is that NO ONE gets to pick my poison again but ME!

Lol! It’s been six years since I’ve either spent time or had meaningful conversations with any men but my sons, close family and friends, the “Flyboy“, my dog, my squirrel, and a grand total of THREE male of the species I’ve somewhat consistently communicated with virtually and LIGHTLY, including a rock star, Santa Clause, and a surfer boy, NONE of who’ve EVER said any weird, gross, or inappropriate shit to me, or worse yet, prompted a conversation with a “🍆, 😍, or 💐”! 🤮 So, “putting myself back out there”? Yah, NOPE! I’m all set here in MY own little world with no more bloodied knives in my foreseeable future and just “my people”, my cats, my birds, and my squirrels!

And so, with that, no, I don’t EVER see myself settling down again or reaching for “the one that needs”. Actually? Now that I think of it, I finally am “settled down” for the first time in all my life with absolutely no one to answer to but me, myself, and God, and nowhere to be unless I wanna be there. I’m in my “selfish phase”, people, and yes, it’s highly addictive! Besides … my dreams are all in color now, and though I’m “alone“, nope, I’m never lonely, ’cause me, myself, and ME kinda love running through all these shadows on our own. I guess what I’m REALLY trying to say is that I have nothing to sell to anyone anymore unless and until I decide to open for biz again!

By the way, for those of you who wanna be in the know, Trapt released this song that I’ve been listening to over and over and over again twenty years ago this day with the birth of their “Someone In Control” album!

SEPTEMBER 11, 2025: “Do YOU Remember?” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

DO YOU REMEMBER?

Where were YOU at “8:46am” on Tuesday, September 11, 2001? I was standing in my then 9 year old son’s room watching the news, folding laundry, and literally glued to the screen. When the South Tower was hit, I vividly remember clenching the bath towel that was in my hand, pressing it to my chest, holding on to it for dear life, and being paralyzed by an adrenaline dump that at the time l’d only ever felt once before, which was at the moment I realized I was about to be raped in a parking garage in downtown Dallas on March 5, 1992. I couldn’t stop staring at the TV and was physically sick and numb. A few minutes later, my ex-husband called me:

Catherine! America is under attack! Get in the car and pull Christian out of school NOW!

AND I DID! I sped to his school in sheer panic and daze in nothing but my pajamas and a bathrobe only to be met by countless other parents (many of whom were also in pajamas and bathrobes) standing in line at the door in tears. Christian was attending Canyon Creek Christian Academy in Richardson, Texas, at the time which was just a few blocks away from The Islamic Association of North Texas that unfortunately and WRONGFULLY experienced immense backlash from the attacks that I wholeheartedly believe were an inside job and not the international terrorism the powers that were and accompanying media outlets so vehemently wanted us all to believe.

How little did I know on that day that I would henceforth become all too familiar with that very same “paralyzing adrenaline dump” with each of the life, psyche, and neurologically altering traumas I’d then go on to experience MANY times after that day … not the least of which was yesterday as I was glued to the screen once again at the moment Charlie Kirk was pronounced dead. By the way? Guess what I was doing at the exact moment I heard the words, “We have breaking news for you. Charlie Kirk has been pronounced dead”?

I WAS FOLDING BATH TOWELS!

For those of you reading this who weren’t yet born when “September 11th” became our new reality, it is my most sincere hope prayer that you’ve since educated yourself about what REALLY happened that day. Also? I just wish so badly you “kids” could have known what it was like to live in THAT America … where we were still “ONE Nation under God” and relatively free from harm in our own homes and public places. I’m haunted by the ghost of her and miss her terribly.

SEPTEMBER 10, 2025: “The Legacy Of The Lion” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

“NO man is hated more than he who speaks the truth.”

~ Plato ~

“The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins.”

~ Søren Kierkegaard ~

“Give me liberty, or give me death!”

~ Patrick Henry ~

My heart is literally shattered today, not just for his family, but for our country. This is NOT “what America means to me“! Even so, I find there no irony in that his assassination will most assuredly be another call to arms and “Turning Point” for our very sick and broken country, not unlike the FIRST shot heard ’round the world on April 19, 1775.

On the other hand, however, I’m gleefully aware of the hardcore FACT that although they tried to silence him, what happened today will, indeed, carry his voice and wisdom through the ages. My grandkids and their grandkids and maybe even their grandkids will know who he was, what he said, and what he stood for. Lol. Imagine being so abysmally uneducated, illiterate, and completely void of any ability to “speak your truth” intelligently, face to face, mouth to mouth, and without the use of violence, gunfire, or your own personal guerilla warfare tactics? So, good job to the actual idiot savant who assassinated today. Guess what, moron? In your attempt to silence a movement of truth, Light, and factual objectivity as regards the whole of humanity, you ended up lighting the fuse of a never-ending, ever-burning cord!

Rest in peace, Mr. Kirk. You lived your life as a true Lion and fierce leader of your pride of patriots and Christians alike with courage, compassion, honesty, loyalty, and conviction for this land you loved so very much. Your legacy will live on throughout our American history as one of the brightest, most faithful, and heroic beacons on our often dark and sordid pages. Well done, my friend. Well done.

AUGUST 22, 2025: “Still Breathing!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

Listen, I dunno who needs to hear this right now, but pain really does demand to be felt, and dare I say that internalized pain that doesn’t hurt you anymore is actually dangerous.
(“Feel The Pain Then Get Off The Train“)

Six years ago today at this very moment, the lifetime of internalized trauma that had likely been traveling through untold generations of his family came barreling down a set of tracks that claimed my husband’s life because he was never able to lose all the luggage he’d been carrying with him since the day he was born.

Through it all, though, I can honestly say that while there was once a time in my life when I truly didn’t know when the pain was gonna stop, I just kept working on it, all the while never knowing when the next time the floor was gonna drop again. I stepped gently … softly … carefully.

At so many points, and even still sometimes on a day like this, managing all these emotions has just felt like putting up sails in a storm and that the many efforts I’ve extend keep toppling me over. And while it’s true that all ways that I once used to cope did only make me feel worse, those days are long gone. God? How do I maintain all this control? In the hardest of times, I just stay in my body … see through my own eyes … feel my beating heart … and breathe. Breathe. BREATHE!

If I’m lucky, The Sun will rise again tomorrow, which is strange, of course, since, no, I won’t be the one doing that. Even still, and now that my seas are mostly ever calm, my sails will never be torn again from my own stubborn desire to have them raised.

Maybe what happened six years ago this night was always meant for me. Maybe tomorrow morning will be, too. Either way, I’ll remain steadfast in my roll … my control … the only thing I ever really need to do is just … breathe.

“wordsby.a“

AUGUST 22, 2025: “Never Ordinary” …

The Diary Of My Perfection
“Audacious!”

Three Days Grace released this one today with their Alienation album on what also happens to be the anniversary of one of the worst days of my life, but even more so, THE worst day of hers. If only you knew what we know to be true about what she endured in the wake of his insanity, you’d fail to comprehend how she’s still standing as one whole human being. She is so not like the others and has risen from ashes that should have literally desecrated her soul. Even still, SHE SHINES! And so, with that …

Dear Daughter,

We were NEVER ordinary and all the weight we’ve carried will help us keep writing our story. In the darkest night, WE were born to shine! When the nights grew cold but our blood ran warm and everything we’d touched just only seemed to melt away and leave us alone, no one understood the noises in our head but US. Such a simple melody playing over and over again … but why would we wanna blend in when we are drenched in gold? Never far … never out of reach … the embers in the dark lay quiet … burning just beneath. Isolated … complicated … we found a way to make it out alive! These days, when I look at you, I see that you’re just like me … a misfit runaway with gold plating underneath. I love you, Gia.

~ Momma

AUGUST 19, 2025: “Bring The Afterlife!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

Guess who just turned THREE today? If you said, “It’s AFTERLIFE” by Five Finger Death Punch!”, DING DING DING DING DING! You won a prize! Let’s face it though – that prolly didn’t happen since not everyone’s an off their rocker knucklehead like me!

Meanwhile, let’s talk about it! The “afterlife”, that is! To begin, let’s take a look at what the oh so astute artificial intelligence of Googley-Pedia has to say about this BANGER:

The Five Finger Death Punch song “AfterLife” explores themes of struggle, survival, and the acceptance of the inevitable battle we face in life, both physically and metaphorically. The album, and the song, also touches on the idea that even in the face of adversity, we shouldn’t forget where we came from, and that even if we reach great heights, we’re always rooted in our origins.
(“Googley-Pedia“)
You’d cut your nose off just to spite your fuckin’ face! That’s who you are! You know your place! You let them lead you by the throat with broken hands! So, how’s the view beneath their shoe (and what’s your plan)? It goes on and on and on and on and on (an old broken record stuck on the same song)! It goes on and on and on and on and on (we all know it’s wrong, but we’re singing along)!

And so, with that, I say THIS:

NO! No, I DON’T! No, I don’t wanna wait for Heaven to change me! No, I don’t wanna have to wait for the fall! No, I don’t wanna wait for Heaven to change things! I don’t wanna wait to fall on the knife! I don’t wanna wait! I DON’T WANNA WAIT! Forever after … this disaster … BRING THE AFTERLIFE!

AUGUST 12, 2025: “An Angry Daughter’s FAUXrytale SPECTER!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

Dearest Me,

“Is this the place that we called home to find what we’ve become? Walking along the path unknown … we’ve lived, we’ve loved, we’ve LIED! Deep in the dark … we didn’t think we “needed” The Light … or that the ghost inside us belonged to the other side.”
(Words adapted by Bad Omens’ “Specter”)

Looking back, it literally blows my FUCKING mind how many heaping piles of toxic, twisted, and dysfunctional behavior – ironically most often at all the places I was forced to not just believe, but tell other people were “safe and loving homes” and thus perpetuate the disgusting “FAUXrytales” that the powers that were my life needed to be perpetuated at risk of “what would people think if they knew the truth?” For years I choked on silence and secrets amid the ABUSE, CHAOS and VIOLENCE that was my childhood and is now still my adulthood to protect the image of the PERFECT family “behind the gates”!

Guess what, though?

THAT version of me is gone! She’s as dead as the specter who still roams the corridors of my mind as a reminder of how we got here. I’ve GOTTEN to learn the VERY hard way that losing people who send wrecking balls through the walls of my heart and the places me and mine dwell is not a loss – it’s TOTAL freedom – and I’ll never betray or “ghost” myself with silence and lies again!

And so, with that … YES! Yes, i AM the angry daughter … ever the work in progress … and I’ll STAY this angry until my MY daughter has finally moved THROUGH all the anger she inherited from both me and the generations before and is now wielding like a torch through her own haunted spaces … just like her momma … so that someday HER daughter (who I carried within MY womb, by the way) won’t ever have to stay angry for longer than is necessary to keep the specter of herself at bay … unless, of course, like me, she decides to pull out its little diamond studded leash and walk proudly with it like a wild and beautiful BEAST with MY fire in her eyes and resilience coursing through her veins!

~ by Gia Embach~

AUGUST 10, 2025: “In The Garden Of Betrayal!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

In my opinion, the very first thing you should do before casting judgment and punishment when anyone betrays you (and trust me, it WILL happen to even the best of us at least once in life), is proceed according to my “Peter v. Judas For The Dummies” system:

Simon Peter denied knowing Jesus three times out of fear. He was sorry, repented, forgiven, redeemed, and thereafter known as one of THE most faithful Christian leaders in the history of forever.

Peter was SORRY!

Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus with a kiss in front of the Roman soldiers for 30 freakin’ pieces of silver out of greed. His “remorse” was rooted in self-pity and despair, then he killed his damn self.

Judas was NOT sorry

(for anyone but himself)!

They BOTH betrayed Jesus … BUT … one is an example of how forgiveness and grace can be shown when true remorse and a resulting change of behavior. Peter’s story teaches that even after serious mistakes, GENUINE repentance, and a TRUE desire for forgiveness, can lead to restoration in any relationship, no matter the level of betrayal.

“Judas’s Remorse“

Judas’s story shows that just because someone feels sorry for themselves, although we should forgive them (if for no other reason but clearing our OWN conscience), we must always use discernment when considering any further relationship with them.

So, who are the Peters or Judases in YOUR life? More importantly, who have you been to others? Peter … or Judas? I can admit that I’ve been both at different points in my journey, but thankfully I’ve grown past my Judas-y, “poor ‘lil victim” days gone by. Accountability is one of the best things I have for breakfast these days (even when it hurts to swallow).

“The Denial Of Saint Peter“

JULY 29, 2025: “The PluvioFILES!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection
Many people consider a rainy day to be a bad weather day. Therefore, for anyone to think otherwise, that person must view the world from a unique perspective. There are many kinds of people in this world, and each has unusual habits and characteristics. That uniqueness is what makes pluviophiles different from the rest of the population. While some people love The Sun and enjoy being outdoors, others would rather stay inside where it’s cool and dry. These people are called pluviophiles, and they thrive in rain and storms.
(Pluviophile.net)

July 29th, 2025, a/k/a, “World Rain Day”! Whoulda ever thunk there’d be a day made just for me and all the other Jean-Claude Van DAMN storm cloud loving weirdos like me? It took me a minute to figure out why I love this kind of weather so much, but alas, I did, and it was amazing!

… and BY the way! Did you know that during the late Triassic Period around 230 million years ago, there was a torrent of relentless rainfall referred to as the “Carnian Pluvial Event” that is believed to have led to one of the most impactful changes in the Earth’s ecosystems and climate? This two million year-long monsoon is thought to have been a major contributing factor to the sudden burst of evolution that paved way for the early dinosaurs and other organisms to diversify and thrive. Meaning? Even our beautiful Mother EARTH and everything she’s given birth to since is a phoenix risen from a literal puddle of of her own mud, grit, and “ashes”! Pretty cool stuff, huh?

JULY 25, 2025: “The Ozzily EverAFTERglow!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection
So, the name Ozzy Osbourne is a name I have known my entire life. Me dad and me grandad first started playing me Sabbath when I was young. Ozzy is the definition of a rock and roll star. Fact. Underline it. He represents defiance to a world of regulation and normality. He taught me that it’s okay to be mental … he taught me that it’s okay to be crazy. It’s okay to be an outsider … it’s alright to be different. Nah, fuck that, man … it’s BRILLIANT to be different. His music, his attitude, is something that genuinely shaped me. It fookin’ did. Like, he was there when nobody else was. When everyone was like, ‘this kid’s a bit too mental … this kid’s a bit too out there. Fook it … Ozzy was there, man, for me and millions of kids and fookin’ all of ya. A lot of people say ‘don’t meet your heroes’, but when I asked something of him as a man, not just as a rock star, he turned up for me. He was there when he didn’t need to be. He gave me half of his fookin’ salami sandwich and a ginger beer and the cross I’m wearing around my neck tonight which is something I’ll treasure forever. He told me NEVER apologise for anything … people will understand you later, and I’ll never forget that moment, ’cause that’s all I fookin’ needed no matter what – like a proper rock and roll star saying that to me.
(Yungblud’s 2023 Rolling Stone UK Icon Award Honoring Ozzy)

Yes, it IS fookin’ BRILLIANT to be different!

Fact! UNDERLINE IT!

JULY 22, 2025: “The Prince Of Dark AND Lightness!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

Have you ever heard me talk about him? Nope. Was he one of my favorite rock stars? Yup. But not for the reasons you may think. Oh, don’t get me wrong, folks! I’ve been a fan of the music all the way back to Sabbath and there are quite a few of their songs I listen to on repeat, not the least of which is “See You On The Other Side”, which I’ve probably listened to once a week since Zack flew the coop in favor of the not so fucking bat shit crazy place he’d been trapped in the months before he left. So? Since we’re just shy of a month away from the six year anniversary of his death, let’s do some math. 52 times 6? Yup. I’ve probably listened to it well over 300 times now!

Gene Simmons once said it best:

KISS frontman Gene Simmons paid tribute to longtime friend and rock legend Ozzy Osbourne during an appearance on “CBS Mornings” on Wednesday, describing the Black Sabbath icon as a “pure human being” and an “extraordinary individual.” Speaking from Los Angeles, Simmons reflected on his decades-long friendship with Osbourne, dating back to 1975 when KISS opened for Black Sabbath on their “Sabotage” tour.

“Ozzy was always just wonderful, heartfelt Ozzy, nonjudgmental, no airs about him,” Simmons said. “Reluctantly, I admit, sometimes I’m full of myself. Ozzy? Never.”

“I’ve never heard Ozzy ever say anything bad about anybody,” Simmons said. “When you meet somebody extraordinary, I don’t mean famous, because there are a lot of famous people who are putzes, myself sometimes as well, this was a pure human being – nonjudgmental.”

“Before Ozzy, there WAS no Ozzy. You can’t point to who it is that inspired Ozzy to be who he is. A totally extraordinary individual!”

(CBSnews.com)

Can you even imagine having such epic and powerful words spoken about you in life, much less in death and your “ever after” legacy? If only I’m as lucky one day for even a single person to say such beautiful words about me! So, here’s to me thinking about working a little harder on my “non-judgmental” piece of it all, ’cause EFF my often sanctimonious and judgmental, err, “Virgo-ness”!

Meanwhile, perhaps one of my favorite “humanities” about our now immortalized Prince Of Darkness is how he set the benchmark standard for all the rest of the freaks out here like me who simply cannot march to anyone else’s cadence but our own. Simply said? Ozzy made it seem almost normal to be the Jean-Claude Van DAMN effing mental freak of the world oddball I’m so “Ozzily” proud to be! If only there were a way to get Merriam-Webster to just use a picture of him for the word “immortal“, oh, what a beautiful thing it would be! There are literally no descriptive words necessary that way. Does anyone know who we can call to make this happen? I’m not EVEN joking! Dare I say that all of us oldies but goodies who were given carte Blanche by this man to reign PROUDLY and HAPPILY either out loud or in the little private bat cages of our minds had BEST be telling our grandkids all “aBAT” how he set us free! 

In the meantime …

Rest in peace, Mate! Here’s hoping you’re flying as free as the inner bat in all of us who came after you just a flap, flap, FLAPPIN’ our crazy little wings (and wearing black clothes and winter caps in the middle of a 666 degree Texas summer). As for me? I shall heretofore only ever refer to you as the Prince Of Dark AND Lightness!

JULY 22, 2025: “Life Starts Now!” …

The Diary Of My Perfection

I find it no coincidence that on this day exactly 22 years ago, not only was the love of her life and my Number Five child (in order of arrival in my atmosphere) born, so too was the BAND of her lifetime, “Three Days Grace“! With that, and in keeping with the epic love story they’re already writing, I’ll just drop the words to her “soul song” … “Life Starts Now”:

Dear Daughter,

You used to say that you felt so down every time I turned around, and you’ve said you should’ve been gone by now. You used to think that everything was wrong, would often ask me how to carry on. Still, we’ve both made it through so many dark days and just … held … on! But LIFE STARTS NOW! You’ve done all the things that could kill you somehow, and you’re so far down, but you will survive it somehow … because life starts now. I’ve hated it every time I watched you fall down, then tried the best I could to pick you back up off the ground. I watched the weight of your world come down too many times to count. Now it’s your chance to move on and change the way that you’ve lived for so long. You’ve found the strength you had inside all along … and LIFE STARTS NOW! All of that pain? Take this life with that boy God blessed you with on the same day this band of your lifetime was born and make it yours! I love you, Daughter! And I love you, too, Number Five! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I thank God every day that you showed up in all our lives not just in “this time”, but twenty two years ago! What are the chances that two of her FAVORITE things would be born on the same day? IT WAS WRITTEN IN THE STARS!

~ Mom